my doorman: "this neighborhood's a little messed up." Well, no me freaking digas.
So the other night, some joker tried to rob me. I was walking home from some friends' house a little late and all of the sudden this guy was like "Oh no you aren't!" with his hand on my chest and wanting me to give him all of my things in Spanish. My strategy here, which I plan on employing in the states as well, is to not understand things which will cause me displeasure. So if somebody is like "that's not a free sample, dude," I'm like "Sorry! I didn't understand that, and good luck next time on catching me before it goes into my mouth!" Also, if somebody's like "Give me your money or else," then I'm like "I already know the story behind today's national holiday, but I appreciate your efforts to communicate it."
Anyway, when he started getting into cognates like "Celular" and easy-tourist words like "money," I realised I was going to have to deal with him. So I was like "You've got the wrong guy;" and proved it by having like four advertisements for psychic friend-finders and four pesos in my pocket, along with a small notebook and a guide to the bus system (which still smells a little like puke.)
But the guy was like "oh no, I couldn't possibly," and just gives me the four pesos back, stealthily pocketing the psychic friend finder brochures. As I walked off into the night, and then into the waiting arms of young Patrick Frazier, I thought of about thirty ways I could have handled the situation better. They all involved training beforehand. The next day, though, Tito gave me a truly heartwarming rundown on how to really deal with the situation next time it arises. Feel free to use this advice yourself, when dealing with a would-be assailant.
"Touch him, and look him in the eye. Eye contact is very important. Say 'My brother. My brother, I am a working man, like you. I too am a working man.' That way he'll know that you work for your money, and he'll respect that. 'My brother...'"
You gotta go for the water-works with these guys.
Anyway, when he started getting into cognates like "Celular" and easy-tourist words like "money," I realised I was going to have to deal with him. So I was like "You've got the wrong guy;" and proved it by having like four advertisements for psychic friend-finders and four pesos in my pocket, along with a small notebook and a guide to the bus system (which still smells a little like puke.)
But the guy was like "oh no, I couldn't possibly," and just gives me the four pesos back, stealthily pocketing the psychic friend finder brochures. As I walked off into the night, and then into the waiting arms of young Patrick Frazier, I thought of about thirty ways I could have handled the situation better. They all involved training beforehand. The next day, though, Tito gave me a truly heartwarming rundown on how to really deal with the situation next time it arises. Feel free to use this advice yourself, when dealing with a would-be assailant.
"Touch him, and look him in the eye. Eye contact is very important. Say 'My brother. My brother, I am a working man, like you. I too am a working man.' That way he'll know that you work for your money, and he'll respect that. 'My brother...'"
You gotta go for the water-works with these guys.