There Ain't No Fairytales!
Ok my dream from two nights ago was quite disturbing. I was in a place with all of my x's (there aren't that many) and there is an MC with a mike and he calls me to the center of this outdoor stage and all my x's are in the audience watching. And he says, "Someone here wants to tell you that they are in love with you" and I look around at this sea of faces of men that I am pretty sure don't give a crap about me and then the one I was most in love with (only G-d knows why) which is Boaz stands up and comes over to me on the stage and tells me that he's sorry he couldn't have admitted it to me sooner. And then we start to kiss in front of everyone and it feels amazing and I'm sooo happy. Then I wake up in utter disgust. If I actually think something like that will happen to me then I'm destined to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I did watch Serendipity that night so I want to blame it on that but I am a hopeless romantic anyways and I do really want to believe in soulmates. Honestly I am not even thinking about Boaz right now beacuse I made myself numb to him. But I am thinking constantly about Jay and missing him, his voice, his smell, etc. and I hate myself for it. Ok, no one believes me but I think this lesbian idea is soon becoming my only option....