Disappointed
UGH I just knew it!!! I just knew it...it happens like clock work. It never fails--I might as well be pyschic or however the hell you spell it. I could feel it all morning--this radio interview. My hopes had been up since I had heard about it. It seemed to be set in stone--though I'm wise enough to that nothing is set in stone--but I was depending on this exposure to double the status of where this stage production is as far as promoting is concerned. I was let down by a text from the director that read:
Radio interview has been resheduled. I will have the new day later but we have another on sheduled for Monday....AND YADA YADA YADA....who can make it?
How can the director expect me to believe in another radio interview after the frist one didn't even come trhough?--for whatever reason. Funny thing about it is I really DID know that it wasn't gonna happen. Don't ask me how? But this morning when I awoke thinking about it, it was just that, a thought. The excitement that had come with it was completely gone as if it were never there. I thought that once I finally received the confirmation that it was a "No go" that I would be able to handle the news and at first I did. It was like "okay, I knew that." But then when I realized how many people hung onto my every word as I told them of the radio promo for the show and the way the wrote down the information, repeating it out loud as if to say "I'll be listening," RAGE FILLED ME. Embarassment, disappointment, and even hurt that once again something WHATEVER IT IS has blocked me. So what do I do? Believe in the second chance at a radio interview or dismiss it as false hopes being sown to the actors of an unknown stage production that was put on only once back in 1995? I don't know...I don't get it...but truthfully...I am not up to any more disappointments and I had to figure out a way to tell the director this without comnig off as an asshole like I usually do.
I replied: If i can wipe the egg off my face than I can
This was in reference to me going to the second interview but I still had to let him know that the "rescheduling" of the interview was a real blow to how much work I put into getting people to listen. PLUS everybody knows that "reshedule" is another way to say "cancel." That stung and I don't cry very often but all this did was remind me of the failures that have plaqued me in the past and I felt like I needed to cry. I know...I'm a big baby on the inside but when does disappointment put its whip away and stop lashing at me. I am sick to death of being let down....JUST SICK OF IT!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!