PROFILE: Dave Strider // Homestuck
CHARACTER PROFILE
Name: David Jackson Strider
Age: 13
Birthdate: December 3, 1995
Birthplace: Houston, Texas
Bloodtype: A
Dominant Hand: Right
Eyesight: 20/20
Favourite food: Prefers spicy foods, gee, who saw that coming; partial to Mexican, hello, Texas; can't argue with a good burger or steak, but none of this pan-fried bullshit.
Favourite colour: Red. Also partial to black, orange, grey.
Favourite movies: Dave's not a movie buff, but he doesn't restrict his cinematic appetite to particular genres. That said, he likes grungy-feeling films with complex plots and witty dialogue. The more obscure, the better. Film festival shit is prime.
Favourite books: Books? Not so much. However, if he were to take the time to read, the dialogue and narration would have to be exorbitantly clever, and the vocabulary fairly advanced, or it wouldn't hold his attention.
Favourite music: Rap, hip-hop and indie dominate his charts, but there's little he won't listen to. Country is the exception; he doesn't listen to it because it's way too mainstream here in Texas.
Favourite animal: He likes a lot of animals, actually! But the cuter, the better. He has a serious weak spot for cute, so kittens and puppies will always win out over cats and dogs. And then there are bunnies. Oh, god.
Favourite weather: He's grown up with hot Texan weather, so he's pretty used to it. He likes a dry heat with a nice breeze.
Favourite sport/physical activity: Sports? No, thank you. (It's worth noting, though, that he's decent at basketball.)
Preferred type: Two things are required: adorable and clever. If she's stupid, it's not going to work. He doesn't have the time to deal with the insipid doe-eyed sorts. On the other hand, so long as she has the potential to be cute (beautiful is fine, pretty is fine, even tomboyish is fine, as long as she can giggle with the best of them), this one's negotiable.
Best subject: His math skills are pretty fucking stellar.
Disliked food: Not a fan of bland or mild-flavoured foods.
Disliked colour: Pastel colours. All of them. Baby blue and mint green are terrible offenders. So is periwinkle. What the fuck is that? Is it blue or purple?
Disliked movies: Shit like Lord of The Rings is only good for ironic purposes. He'll sit through epic fantasy adventure shit like that, but he won't like it. (He might pretend to, though.)
Disliked books: Most of them. (It should be noted that he can read, lmao. He just prefers almost any other form of entertainment.)
Disliked music: Country. Yeah, that's it. (And even at that, he doesn't hate the music itself; he hates how mainstream it is.)
Disliked animal: None in particular.
Disliked weather: Rain. Ugh.
Disliked sport/physical activity: Noooot a fan of football. Contact sports are not his favourite; he's got a pretty lanky build, and while he'd make a decent runningback, he can't stand people up in his space, anyway.
Disliked type: Stupid girls. No. There are no words for how much he hates the brainless type.
Worst subject: None, really, but he's failing P.E. because he's too cool to participate.
Basic nature: Relaxed, level-headed, aloof.
Daily rituals: Can I say 'grooming?' He's pretty invested in his appearance, so there's hair care, skin care, etc. He picks up a razor every morning, too, but so far, no dice. (Poor baby.)
Spends money on: Between he and Bro, their finances are micromanaged. Neither of them buys anything they can't afford, and rarely do they buy anything that's not A) necessary or 2) going to pay for itself soon enough. For Dave, it's a combination of picking up habits from Bro and an inherent talent for financial management; for Bro, it's the checkbook-balancing and scrimping and saving that was at one point necessary to support himself and a kid on his salary in Houston. These days, it's all just old habits, but it keeps their bank accounts full.
Currently wants: A better camera.
Kinsey rating: A pretty sound 0.5, as far as he knows. He hasn't explored the idea of ~*~boys~*~ yet, but once he does, he might discover the slightest touch of flexibility - we're talking 0.75, maybe.
Marital status: Single. Unbelievable, right?
Current occupation: Student.
Current residence: Houston, Texas; his brother's apartment.
Description of bedroom: Is this really necessary?
Scents: He doesn't wear cologne, but he totally wears aftershave. (What do you mean, 'does he even shave?' Of course he does.) No clue what it is offhand, but something with warm base notes and spicy top notes.
Fashion: Most of his everyday fashion is casual and pretty understated. Jeans, t-shirts for bands no one's heard of, Converse (just to be ironic). (He breaks in and wears out his own jeans, thanks.) He's also fond of classy threads, not that he has much occasion to wear them. Nice suits/tuxes don't go unappreciated with this kid, and he wouldn't be averse to mixing class and casual: jeans, a t-shirt and a dress vest or blazer, for example.
Handwriting: Practically illegible, no joke. Fairly small handwriting, average pressure, very little slant or change in baseline. Tends to run letters together and/or switch case/script haphazardly.
Laugh: Quiet, brief; somewhere between 'chuckle' and 'soft laugh,' usually. Not mythically rare or anything, but still fairly infrequent.
Sense of humour: Clever and somewhat complex; lightly schadenfreudian. Occasionally dirty or dark.
Temper: Dave's got the longest fuse, bro. He's really difficult to piss off or even visibly irritate, and it takes a hell of a long time for him to fly off the handle. When he does, he's prone to a lot of words, most of them unpleasant and not necessarily directed at the right people, before he calms down again, and it's like it never happened.
Random trivia: Ask him what time it is. No, go on, ask. He knows. He always knows the exact date and time, literally down to the second. This has been the case since he was very young. He's also excellent at remembering dates, so history classes are a breeze for him.
He hides his accent under a general American one, because it's cooler, where he's from. It's not really hard to coax his real accent out of him, especially if you're making a point of admiring it. He's really quite flexible/malleable when it comes to that kind of thing: he naturally adapts to be the coolest thing around.
He's a decent cook for his age, since Bro can't cook to save his life. He started with mac n' cheese as a grade-schooler and now prepares some seriously palatable meals, because he got sick of living off ramen and chips.
Sun sign: Sagittarius.
Decanate: Aries.
Moon sign: Taurus.
Rising sign: Aquarius.
(Merc/Sag, Mars/Cap, Venus/Cap)
Dominant character traits: Collected, stubborn, arrogant, aloof.
Likeable traits: Level-headed, responsible, compassionate.
Annoying traits: Emotionally distant, reserved, forgetful.
Love interest(s): ... (Going to go out on a limb from experience and say that both Jade and Rose are possibilities, but from a canon standpoint, he's not very forthcoming, nor has he had a chance to really explore.)
Lust interest(s): See above, and throw Terezi in for good measure.
Close friends: John, Jade, Rose. Terezi is becoming a tentative thing.
Other friends: Let's not even talk about the trolls.
Acquaintances: Yeah, actually, the trolls go here. Some of them.
Enemies and why: And the rest of them go here, because they're trolls.
Family: From a biological standpoint, Bro, Mom and Rose. John's technically his lab daddy, but if he ever utters that phrase, he might regret it. (Dave is not above calling him 'Dad' just for the irony.) The only one of that lot he actually truly considers family is Bro, though it wouldn't be a leap to add Rose in there in the future, maybe?
Habits: Forgetting/misplacing things, extended metaphors, knee-jerk sarcasm.
Talents: Rapping (arguably), extended metaphor (inarguably), mixing music (no commentary necessary), photography (questionably), art (highly questionably).
Hobbies: See above and 'talents.' Dave doesn't do anything he isn't good at, unless he's doing it ironically, in which case being deliberately bad at it is an added strata of irony.
Entertainment of choice: Music, primarily.
Musical talents: Turntables and guitar, and while he has a nice voice, you'd have to be seriously lucky to catch him singing.
Ambitions: To be a self-made millionaire, preferably through his music, but however he manages it will suit him fine.
Educational background: Elementary and middle school in Houston. He also went to preschool and part- and full-time daycare. Bro had his hands full.
Philosophy of life: At this point, it might just be 'dead Daves are the enemy.'
Introvert/extrovert: Introvert.
Intuitive/reasoning: Reasoning.
Optimist/pessimist: Realist.
Tense/relaxed: Relaxed.
Serious/carefree: Serious, but nonchalant.
PERSONAL INTERVIEW WITH CHARACTER
What is your earliest memory?
see i was just a wee pile of ectosludge
but i very clearly remember seeing egbert with a pipe and those ridiculous fucking groucho glasses
what do you mean answer you seriously
im dead serious here
What was your biggest disillusion as a child?
in retrospect the whole not realizing my brother was my dad thing was kind of stupid
What's one thing no one knows about you?
seriously
lets move on
What's one thing everyone assumes about you that isn't true?
gonna go with heartless tool for five hundred alex
What's one thing you wish you could stop?
the production and sale of all things kenny chesney
seriously his music sucks even more than most country music
dont even try to pretend you dont know it
What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
ironic bullriding
i mean come on
id rock at it
What are you a sucker for?
oh shit
look this cant get out
but
bunnies
theyre just so fucking ironic with their giant teeth and ears and soft fur
What's your biggest pet peeve?
people all up in my personal space
look theres enough room for both of us here
unless were in a broom closet or some shit
in which case i think theres probably a pretty good reason for it
and id even wager that maybe sharing personal space was the whole point of that venture
you get me
What is your most prized possession?
gonna have to go with my ishades
pretty much never owned anything cooler
and were talking about a day and age when people alchemize a computer with literally fucking anything
ive seen frisbee macbooks
a tablet alchemized with a chair so youre basically forced to type with your ass
which explains youtube in its entirety
but the ishades are fucking classic
so cool
What can absolutely make your day, no matter what?
i am a creature of caprice and whimsy
this changes from day to day
What's the worst part of your life right now?
definitely not the whole world ending thing
so probably the complete lack of chex mix in lohac
or anywhere else for that matter
Do you have or want children?
ive got tons of children
little russian kids all locked up in a shipping container
dont need any more
If/when you ever have children, what is one thing you absolutely want to teach them?
english
What was the worst advice your father ever gave you? The best?
i guess its not fair to cop out of this one and say i dont have a dad
but fuck everything out of that dudes mouth is gold
fourteen gs an ounce
how am i supposed to even answer this shit
When did you feel you'd finally 'come of age?'
when i first killed a bear with my bare hands in the unforgiving texan wilderness
How do you feel about sex?
lets go with optimistic
Describe your ideal significant other.
human
shorter than me
teeth like a herbivore
ladyparts
How do you deal with depression, stress or sadness?
bourbon on the rocks
is there anything else in the world
How do you think of yourself?
frequently
How do your friends think of you?
like little orphan annie looks at a big bowl of ice cream
sometimes i even hear them say gee whiskers
when they think im not listening
How do your enemies think of you?
they dont
at least not for long
they never see me coming
Who is your biggest role model?
mr t
i wanna be the biggest
blackest dude
and wear all the fucking bling
all of it
What is your biggest accomplishment to date?
not dying basically
What has been your most humbling experience to date?
oh definitely every conversation i have with that flighty broad
you know she just humbles the fuck outta me
like a serving of humble pie with deferential filling
topped with obsequious whipped cream
What will it take for you to die happy?
seventy-two virgins and a whole bunch of bunnies
actually
lets alchemize that
seventy-two playboy bunnies
What would you rather be doing right now?
nothing
there is nothing id rather be doing right now
in the world
Name: David Jackson Strider
Age: 13
Birthdate: December 3, 1995
Birthplace: Houston, Texas
Bloodtype: A
Dominant Hand: Right
Eyesight: 20/20
Favourite food: Prefers spicy foods, gee, who saw that coming; partial to Mexican, hello, Texas; can't argue with a good burger or steak, but none of this pan-fried bullshit.
Favourite colour: Red. Also partial to black, orange, grey.
Favourite movies: Dave's not a movie buff, but he doesn't restrict his cinematic appetite to particular genres. That said, he likes grungy-feeling films with complex plots and witty dialogue. The more obscure, the better. Film festival shit is prime.
Favourite books: Books? Not so much. However, if he were to take the time to read, the dialogue and narration would have to be exorbitantly clever, and the vocabulary fairly advanced, or it wouldn't hold his attention.
Favourite music: Rap, hip-hop and indie dominate his charts, but there's little he won't listen to. Country is the exception; he doesn't listen to it because it's way too mainstream here in Texas.
Favourite animal: He likes a lot of animals, actually! But the cuter, the better. He has a serious weak spot for cute, so kittens and puppies will always win out over cats and dogs. And then there are bunnies. Oh, god.
Favourite weather: He's grown up with hot Texan weather, so he's pretty used to it. He likes a dry heat with a nice breeze.
Favourite sport/physical activity: Sports? No, thank you. (It's worth noting, though, that he's decent at basketball.)
Preferred type: Two things are required: adorable and clever. If she's stupid, it's not going to work. He doesn't have the time to deal with the insipid doe-eyed sorts. On the other hand, so long as she has the potential to be cute (beautiful is fine, pretty is fine, even tomboyish is fine, as long as she can giggle with the best of them), this one's negotiable.
Best subject: His math skills are pretty fucking stellar.
Disliked food: Not a fan of bland or mild-flavoured foods.
Disliked colour: Pastel colours. All of them. Baby blue and mint green are terrible offenders. So is periwinkle. What the fuck is that? Is it blue or purple?
Disliked movies: Shit like Lord of The Rings is only good for ironic purposes. He'll sit through epic fantasy adventure shit like that, but he won't like it. (He might pretend to, though.)
Disliked books: Most of them. (It should be noted that he can read, lmao. He just prefers almost any other form of entertainment.)
Disliked music: Country. Yeah, that's it. (And even at that, he doesn't hate the music itself; he hates how mainstream it is.)
Disliked animal: None in particular.
Disliked weather: Rain. Ugh.
Disliked sport/physical activity: Noooot a fan of football. Contact sports are not his favourite; he's got a pretty lanky build, and while he'd make a decent runningback, he can't stand people up in his space, anyway.
Disliked type: Stupid girls. No. There are no words for how much he hates the brainless type.
Worst subject: None, really, but he's failing P.E. because he's too cool to participate.
Basic nature: Relaxed, level-headed, aloof.
Daily rituals: Can I say 'grooming?' He's pretty invested in his appearance, so there's hair care, skin care, etc. He picks up a razor every morning, too, but so far, no dice. (Poor baby.)
Spends money on: Between he and Bro, their finances are micromanaged. Neither of them buys anything they can't afford, and rarely do they buy anything that's not A) necessary or 2) going to pay for itself soon enough. For Dave, it's a combination of picking up habits from Bro and an inherent talent for financial management; for Bro, it's the checkbook-balancing and scrimping and saving that was at one point necessary to support himself and a kid on his salary in Houston. These days, it's all just old habits, but it keeps their bank accounts full.
Currently wants: A better camera.
Kinsey rating: A pretty sound 0.5, as far as he knows. He hasn't explored the idea of ~*~boys~*~ yet, but once he does, he might discover the slightest touch of flexibility - we're talking 0.75, maybe.
Marital status: Single. Unbelievable, right?
Current occupation: Student.
Current residence: Houston, Texas; his brother's apartment.
Description of bedroom: Is this really necessary?
Scents: He doesn't wear cologne, but he totally wears aftershave. (What do you mean, 'does he even shave?' Of course he does.) No clue what it is offhand, but something with warm base notes and spicy top notes.
Fashion: Most of his everyday fashion is casual and pretty understated. Jeans, t-shirts for bands no one's heard of, Converse (just to be ironic). (He breaks in and wears out his own jeans, thanks.) He's also fond of classy threads, not that he has much occasion to wear them. Nice suits/tuxes don't go unappreciated with this kid, and he wouldn't be averse to mixing class and casual: jeans, a t-shirt and a dress vest or blazer, for example.
Handwriting: Practically illegible, no joke. Fairly small handwriting, average pressure, very little slant or change in baseline. Tends to run letters together and/or switch case/script haphazardly.
Laugh: Quiet, brief; somewhere between 'chuckle' and 'soft laugh,' usually. Not mythically rare or anything, but still fairly infrequent.
Sense of humour: Clever and somewhat complex; lightly schadenfreudian. Occasionally dirty or dark.
Temper: Dave's got the longest fuse, bro. He's really difficult to piss off or even visibly irritate, and it takes a hell of a long time for him to fly off the handle. When he does, he's prone to a lot of words, most of them unpleasant and not necessarily directed at the right people, before he calms down again, and it's like it never happened.
Random trivia: Ask him what time it is. No, go on, ask. He knows. He always knows the exact date and time, literally down to the second. This has been the case since he was very young. He's also excellent at remembering dates, so history classes are a breeze for him.
He hides his accent under a general American one, because it's cooler, where he's from. It's not really hard to coax his real accent out of him, especially if you're making a point of admiring it. He's really quite flexible/malleable when it comes to that kind of thing: he naturally adapts to be the coolest thing around.
He's a decent cook for his age, since Bro can't cook to save his life. He started with mac n' cheese as a grade-schooler and now prepares some seriously palatable meals, because he got sick of living off ramen and chips.
Sun sign: Sagittarius.
Decanate: Aries.
Moon sign: Taurus.
Rising sign: Aquarius.
(Merc/Sag, Mars/Cap, Venus/Cap)
Dominant character traits: Collected, stubborn, arrogant, aloof.
Likeable traits: Level-headed, responsible, compassionate.
Annoying traits: Emotionally distant, reserved, forgetful.
Love interest(s): ... (Going to go out on a limb from experience and say that both Jade and Rose are possibilities, but from a canon standpoint, he's not very forthcoming, nor has he had a chance to really explore.)
Lust interest(s): See above, and throw Terezi in for good measure.
Close friends: John, Jade, Rose. Terezi is becoming a tentative thing.
Other friends: Let's not even talk about the trolls.
Acquaintances: Yeah, actually, the trolls go here. Some of them.
Enemies and why: And the rest of them go here, because they're trolls.
Family: From a biological standpoint, Bro, Mom and Rose. John's technically his lab daddy, but if he ever utters that phrase, he might regret it. (Dave is not above calling him 'Dad' just for the irony.) The only one of that lot he actually truly considers family is Bro, though it wouldn't be a leap to add Rose in there in the future, maybe?
Habits: Forgetting/misplacing things, extended metaphors, knee-jerk sarcasm.
Talents: Rapping (arguably), extended metaphor (inarguably), mixing music (no commentary necessary), photography (questionably), art (highly questionably).
Hobbies: See above and 'talents.' Dave doesn't do anything he isn't good at, unless he's doing it ironically, in which case being deliberately bad at it is an added strata of irony.
Entertainment of choice: Music, primarily.
Musical talents: Turntables and guitar, and while he has a nice voice, you'd have to be seriously lucky to catch him singing.
Ambitions: To be a self-made millionaire, preferably through his music, but however he manages it will suit him fine.
Educational background: Elementary and middle school in Houston. He also went to preschool and part- and full-time daycare. Bro had his hands full.
Philosophy of life: At this point, it might just be 'dead Daves are the enemy.'
Introvert/extrovert: Introvert.
Intuitive/reasoning: Reasoning.
Optimist/pessimist: Realist.
Tense/relaxed: Relaxed.
Serious/carefree: Serious, but nonchalant.
PERSONAL INTERVIEW WITH CHARACTER
What is your earliest memory?
see i was just a wee pile of ectosludge
but i very clearly remember seeing egbert with a pipe and those ridiculous fucking groucho glasses
what do you mean answer you seriously
im dead serious here
What was your biggest disillusion as a child?
in retrospect the whole not realizing my brother was my dad thing was kind of stupid
What's one thing no one knows about you?
seriously
lets move on
What's one thing everyone assumes about you that isn't true?
gonna go with heartless tool for five hundred alex
What's one thing you wish you could stop?
the production and sale of all things kenny chesney
seriously his music sucks even more than most country music
dont even try to pretend you dont know it
What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
ironic bullriding
i mean come on
id rock at it
What are you a sucker for?
oh shit
look this cant get out
but
bunnies
theyre just so fucking ironic with their giant teeth and ears and soft fur
What's your biggest pet peeve?
people all up in my personal space
look theres enough room for both of us here
unless were in a broom closet or some shit
in which case i think theres probably a pretty good reason for it
and id even wager that maybe sharing personal space was the whole point of that venture
you get me
What is your most prized possession?
gonna have to go with my ishades
pretty much never owned anything cooler
and were talking about a day and age when people alchemize a computer with literally fucking anything
ive seen frisbee macbooks
a tablet alchemized with a chair so youre basically forced to type with your ass
which explains youtube in its entirety
but the ishades are fucking classic
so cool
What can absolutely make your day, no matter what?
i am a creature of caprice and whimsy
this changes from day to day
What's the worst part of your life right now?
definitely not the whole world ending thing
so probably the complete lack of chex mix in lohac
or anywhere else for that matter
Do you have or want children?
ive got tons of children
little russian kids all locked up in a shipping container
dont need any more
If/when you ever have children, what is one thing you absolutely want to teach them?
english
What was the worst advice your father ever gave you? The best?
i guess its not fair to cop out of this one and say i dont have a dad
but fuck everything out of that dudes mouth is gold
fourteen gs an ounce
how am i supposed to even answer this shit
When did you feel you'd finally 'come of age?'
when i first killed a bear with my bare hands in the unforgiving texan wilderness
How do you feel about sex?
lets go with optimistic
Describe your ideal significant other.
human
shorter than me
teeth like a herbivore
ladyparts
How do you deal with depression, stress or sadness?
bourbon on the rocks
is there anything else in the world
How do you think of yourself?
frequently
How do your friends think of you?
like little orphan annie looks at a big bowl of ice cream
sometimes i even hear them say gee whiskers
when they think im not listening
How do your enemies think of you?
they dont
at least not for long
they never see me coming
Who is your biggest role model?
mr t
i wanna be the biggest
blackest dude
and wear all the fucking bling
all of it
What is your biggest accomplishment to date?
not dying basically
What has been your most humbling experience to date?
oh definitely every conversation i have with that flighty broad
you know she just humbles the fuck outta me
like a serving of humble pie with deferential filling
topped with obsequious whipped cream
What will it take for you to die happy?
seventy-two virgins and a whole bunch of bunnies
actually
lets alchemize that
seventy-two playboy bunnies
What would you rather be doing right now?
nothing
there is nothing id rather be doing right now
in the world