(no subject)
last night was not a very good night. justin was misbehaving so bad and he said some really mean things to me which led to a really difficult conversation that me and wayne had. first off- justin was saying how he likes wayne better than me and that he wishes that i would move back to my parents house so that him and wayne could live alone without me. that really bothers me. i have taken care of him his whole life and this is how he treats me. i was just going off saying whats the point of me to him-- to support him. thats it. he doesnt respect me, listen to me or even like me and that he would be better off living with my parents. i cant take it anymore. and wayne said that he thinks that when he has been asking me why ive been upset lately and when i say that its cuz im afraid hes gunna leave me that thats my cop out answer just because i dont really wanna tell him whats going on. honestly, i dont even know. like this morning i was cleaning out my yahoo inbox on my email and i was deleting stuff-- i looked at those emails that lee-ann forwarded me from a few months ago. I sent wayne an email with the email attached that he wrote.. how he said to her that he feels the same exact way torwards her. i sent him an email telling him that i hated him for what he did. i know that he is gunna be upset when he sees that today. i just dont know how to get over this. i wish someone could help me. its not even that i think that he is doing anything right now behind my back but it still hurts. the pain just wont go away. like i wonder if he still thinks about her and misses her. cuz it kinda sucks because she dont want him right now-- so there is a possibility that he could still want her but since he cant have her he is just settling with me. who knows. sometimes i dont wanna stick around to find out if hes gunna hurt me again. i cant even imigiane what id do. he was so sneaky about it. he could be doing it again and i wouldnt know. lately ive only been seeing things that i wanna see. if i see something and it makes me wonder- ive just been putting it out of my head and ignoring it. i dont even question him on it because in my mind its just not worth it at all. i dont know why i am so negative today. i mean- i am very much in love with him and i would like to spend the rest of my life with him but i just wonder if thats even possible. everyone else that i know seems to think that there is no way that its gunna happen. they say that once he finds another girl who is prettier than me, more interesting than me or whatever that he is gunna leave me. i dont wanna think that. but who knows. only he knows. well maybe he doesnt even know. sumtimes i just feel like its unavoidable that we are gunna split up. even though that he is trying really hard and im trying really hard its still hard. it seems like no one wants us together. i dont know why.