Just another update
I guess the best way to say it is that my life has almost come full circle now.
Financially, I'm pretty close to stabilizing things out to the point I can repair the credit again. My debt to credit ratio plummeted lately as a couple loans have come to an end. A number of items in collections have been resolved. My efforts to prevent the husband's finances from leading him into bankruptcy have been successful as well. By preventing any further hits to his credit, mine plumeted and his was actually able to recover enough for him to get two credit cards. I just fear we're going to be....well...he's going to be back here again one day because the second card hasn't arrived and he's already talking about what he's going to use it for.
The marriage is what it is. I've made my issues clear to everyone and got confirmation they understood. I understand that I don't have the right to decide the hows and whys of his efforts, just that he's making them. Bit frustrating that after 4 years, he understands me no better than he did on day one. It's not always easy to see, but I have very few things I get that bent over. And when I do, it's a very specific thing, not a whole situation. I guess there's the big sticking point with me and the world around me. A situation can be made bad by a single action and that's what I focus on. Everyone else it seems focuses on the situation. I also move on faster than most. I say what I need to and then go on to something else. If I have to keep addressing something I've already addressed, that's when I become a bear to deal with. I've also accepted that while I may not like the constant complaining about wanting something to be different, I can only set the stage for him to do that something differently. I have no control over whether or not he actually does it, nor am I able to crucify him over it. Maybe I have a black and white view of the world, but if someone and I are having issues and I actually want to improve things...anything they offer to help with that I would do. I don't see how I can set conditions....demand conditions prior to doing what is needed to fix things. Not my concern at this moment as I've found some issues of my own and been tasked with action to take to address them.
There was a period of time where it looked like I was going to wreck myself and everyone/everything around me. I was a powder keg of hatred and spite waiting to explode. It came to a head just short of an actual meltdown. A change in the ADHD medicine to another class of stimulants, an exploration of what was eating at me and the reality behind them and a frank but brutal conversation with one of the people I know that aren't scared to tell me like it is triggered an effort change. My mistake was to address all aspects of my life's problems at the same time. This in inherently a bad idea, yet I did it anyway. As one area collapsed, frustration and angry crept over into the others. I knew I was going to lose everything I had fight to build for myself and no idea why my efforts were completely failing. I had no choice but to enlist outside help. The result was good if not painful from the massive pimp slapping that ensued. The important thing is that everything got through and I was able to change.
TBC
Hotal
Financially, I'm pretty close to stabilizing things out to the point I can repair the credit again. My debt to credit ratio plummeted lately as a couple loans have come to an end. A number of items in collections have been resolved. My efforts to prevent the husband's finances from leading him into bankruptcy have been successful as well. By preventing any further hits to his credit, mine plumeted and his was actually able to recover enough for him to get two credit cards. I just fear we're going to be....well...he's going to be back here again one day because the second card hasn't arrived and he's already talking about what he's going to use it for.
The marriage is what it is. I've made my issues clear to everyone and got confirmation they understood. I understand that I don't have the right to decide the hows and whys of his efforts, just that he's making them. Bit frustrating that after 4 years, he understands me no better than he did on day one. It's not always easy to see, but I have very few things I get that bent over. And when I do, it's a very specific thing, not a whole situation. I guess there's the big sticking point with me and the world around me. A situation can be made bad by a single action and that's what I focus on. Everyone else it seems focuses on the situation. I also move on faster than most. I say what I need to and then go on to something else. If I have to keep addressing something I've already addressed, that's when I become a bear to deal with. I've also accepted that while I may not like the constant complaining about wanting something to be different, I can only set the stage for him to do that something differently. I have no control over whether or not he actually does it, nor am I able to crucify him over it. Maybe I have a black and white view of the world, but if someone and I are having issues and I actually want to improve things...anything they offer to help with that I would do. I don't see how I can set conditions....demand conditions prior to doing what is needed to fix things. Not my concern at this moment as I've found some issues of my own and been tasked with action to take to address them.
There was a period of time where it looked like I was going to wreck myself and everyone/everything around me. I was a powder keg of hatred and spite waiting to explode. It came to a head just short of an actual meltdown. A change in the ADHD medicine to another class of stimulants, an exploration of what was eating at me and the reality behind them and a frank but brutal conversation with one of the people I know that aren't scared to tell me like it is triggered an effort change. My mistake was to address all aspects of my life's problems at the same time. This in inherently a bad idea, yet I did it anyway. As one area collapsed, frustration and angry crept over into the others. I knew I was going to lose everything I had fight to build for myself and no idea why my efforts were completely failing. I had no choice but to enlist outside help. The result was good if not painful from the massive pimp slapping that ensued. The important thing is that everything got through and I was able to change.
TBC
Hotal