(no subject)

[hotabay]

It was rather ironic that Marlena reached out to me without having seen the previous entry. We had dinner a few times and talked. She told me some things that really meant a lot to me, the day she had to put Mea down and the story of the Rainbow Bridge, she apologized for ... I think the word she used was overburdening ... me, and she said she forgave me. She was also feeling curious about whether there could still be something between us and asked me if I could keep an open mind. I thought about about all the good things that we had shared. I also thought about the differences that we had. Would things have been different if she hadn't been mad at me? Sure. But looking back at the relationship, I think we were both willing to compromise too much, losing ourselves along the way. So even though this attractive woman made me happy in many ways, I realized that it was not meant to be. I still care about her as a person, but I think the old issues would get in the way.

I am still having lingering, strong feelings about CJ. She was so right for me in so many ways. And I was right for her in many ways. But it wasn't enough to overcome the things where we were not right for each other. I'm still working on accepting that.

I've found myself praying less and less, feeling like I'm repeating myself and getting nowhere.