Actually it seems to me that the place in life that you are in right now, is completely different then where I am.
I think most people that like those books can identify themselves with any of the characters, despite what the ideal of a "normal relationship" happens to be at the moment. This doesn't happen to be you, I gather, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is unhealthy just because it falls away from your idea of what a relationship can be. Honestly though, relationships need to be functional for both of the partners, more then be judged "healthy" by others. Their fictional relationship seems to work, Hatsumi does not look unhappy at the end - just insecure. From the way the books were leading, it looks like Ryouki is allowing himself to be softer around her and Hatsumi is learning how to take what she wants. Why do I think that? At the end of the book series she comes to his room, uninvited, asks if she could stay over the night, unasked. Once he is secure with the reciprocation of the feelings he has for her, he gradually stops demanding things from her that make her uncomfortable; and allows himself to let her make decisions for both of them. Them, not just hers.
(BTW, starting a sentence with "Are you freaking kidding me?" makes you sound like you're still in High School, because YES I AM MAKING A COUNTERPOINT, DUUUUUUUH.)
Anyway, uh, sorry, no. It's not about what place you are in your life. If that relationship was brought over into the real world, no matter what age, anyone would deem it unhealthy, wrong, and dysfunctional. Do you know much about abuse, or abusive men and abusive relationships? To you, that character of Ryoki at the end might of been "softening" up and understanding her more, but a common, common thing in abusive relationships is the "honeymoon phase" that goes off and on throughout the years/months. He might be sweet for a bit, and she'll just get drawn back in - but the character THRIVES off of the power he had over her, and didn't seem to care much about her feelings (cared more about his and didn't think twice about calling her names and hurting her, never apologizing for any of these things). To be as controlling, manipulating and jealous as he is calls for major therapy, not "sex" and "submission" on the girl's part so everything can magically be better.
Trust me, this is coming from someone who's boyfriend ran over her with his car because she was on her period and couldn't have sex. I was in an abusive relationship for years - it's not okay, it's not healthy, and it's not something that can WORK for anyone.
And yes, it means the relationship is unhealthy because it doesn't go the way a "normal relationship" should be. It's not just "my" ideals, it's just common sense. I really think you just have no argument whatsoever. Try telling anyone else that an abusive relationship is "okay" and just because it's "not okay" to society doesn't mean it's "not okay" in general. This is not about opinions. It's about abuse, and (if brought to reality) a girl who is NOT in a safe place who WANTS to be treated better and continuously isn't, but is too afraid to leave.
Anyone who slaps their girlfriend for hanging out with a guy, calls her names, manipulates her, makes her feel terrible, threaten her, etc, is absolute scum and should never be in a relationship with someone until they get their own messed up mentality out of their head.
I really don't think that the Hatsu/Ryoki relationship was functional for both of them. Just because she agrees to have sex doesn't mean that it's functional or "works", it means she's a very weak character who can't stick up for herself, has zero self respect, and is oblivious to her situation. I stayed in my relationship for 4 years. There were tons of happy times. And then there were bad times. Like being burnt, beaten, spit at, dragged around by my hair, thrown chairs at, called worthless, pathetic, ABANDONED while I was pregnant, etc, etc, etc, the list goes on and on and I forgave him after everything - It was still, by no, no means whatsoever, functional.
The relationship portrayed in the book is a very, very dark mind set to be in. Aihara has a complex; it's clear. To defend abusive relationships is almost as sickening as the relationships themselves.
I'm sure you understand that I'm not going to take your word for it, especially since you decide to post anonymously over and over again on the internet of all places. If you don't stand by your own word, I'm not going to do it for you.
My point is and always been that it's not about unhealthy, wrong, or dysfunctional relationship - it's about a working one. True maso and sado relationships work just fine, as long as the outside world doesn't choose to interfere with it. There are people that like to do odd things to other people and as long as the person likes what is done to them, who are you to judge? It's not your job to play God in someone's relationship, just because you theoretically were in a bad one. Not everyone is like you and you and your boyfriend. If what you say is true, it looks like you're projecting yourself onto Hatsumi more then you realize. It's not your relationship, you are not them, it's not your call to judge how she does or does not feel. You are not omniscient. While I can be compassionate about your theoretical old situation, I also know what an enabler is. Being in a relationship when a man feels justified in running over a woman just because of sex, doesn't come about in a day. It's a few month's process of allowing someone else degrade you. I was in a relationship that was heading that way as well, but I value myself. I value myself enough to say "fuck off". I realized that I cannot "fix" him and left. It hurt like a motherfucker. People like your boyfriend will only value you as you value yourself. From this conversation, I gather that you hold yourself in much better opinion then you did then. Honestly, I don't understand you. Life is not about fair, it never was. Why it should start now? Be a survivor, don't let your past discolor your future.
Please. Relationships are all about manipulation, calling each other names, making each other feel miserable, and threats. Only people that you care about can cut you, it's like a knife - it works both ways. The "ideal" relationship you're thinking about, probably doesn't exists. A functioning version of it, does. Disney is not real life and it never will be. Real relationships hurt, you feel awkward at times, there are many many compromises and things that the other person has done that will upset you emotionally. The key is to have both parties work towards some sort of a compromise in order to be with each other.
I don't think that Ryoki slapped Hatsumi for hanging out with another guy. This really wasn't explained clearly in the books. Ryoki despite of being a total asshole, takes things very personally and he tries to suppress his feelings. The books mentioned that he's "exploited" because of his family's status, him being an only child with parents on a border of a divorce his whole life takes a tall. This in turn caused him to be arrogant and numb to the needs of others. Why? It gets rid of the walking target on his head. It gets rid of the "use me" banner. I think you don't understand why he has such a defense mechanism, but I do. Out of all of my family mine has the most money. You have no idea what things people are willing to say or do to get a piece of it. Right now I have to deal with a side of my family wanting to obtain a piece of my property because "she already has a lot, so it won't matter to her that I'll take some of it. She won't notice." Everyone wants something, and I find myself thinking "what benefit will that bring them?" a lot of the times that I talk to them. Regardless of, a defense mechanism works whether there's a real threat or isn't. When you feel threatened, when you feel insecure, when something is important to you, a part of you strikes out. For me, he probably slapped her because she didn't consider him important enough in her life to prioritize him or let him know that she won't be seeing him that night. The fact that he was a guy was irrelevant. The emotional side that he refuses to recognize as such, was hurt and he lashed out. It was the only time he did something that rash, even though she screwed up many other times. Why doesn't a slap (singular) bother me? Because if the roles were reversed and Hatsumi slapped Ryoko for leaving her for another girl, no one would blink twice about it. It's socially accepted. By reversing it, she threw the double standard into people's faces. It was to prove your point, I think. I'm sure you've seen this many times in the movies, I doubt you left or turned it off offended.
Hmmm. Now that I think about it, it looks like this: you identify yourself more with Hatsumi and I more with Ryoki. Odd, but I still don't see the reason why Ryoki liked Hatsumi so much. She was weak. It's as if she was his heart, because he didn't see any within himself. Despite this, to me she was weak. But then, I'm a girl. Odd. Hmmm.
I don't think Aihara has a complex, I think you're projecting your theoretical past onto everything you read, see, and hear. Life is not black and white; your theoretical experience blinded you to the 365 shades of gray.
Honestly, if the books offended you so much, I'm really surprised you finished reading them at all.
I think most people that like those books can identify themselves with any of the characters, despite what the ideal of a "normal relationship" happens to be at the moment. This doesn't happen to be you, I gather, but that doesn't mean that the relationship is unhealthy just because it falls away from your idea of what a relationship can be. Honestly though, relationships need to be functional for both of the partners, more then be judged "healthy" by others.
Their fictional relationship seems to work, Hatsumi does not look unhappy at the end - just insecure. From the way the books were leading, it looks like Ryouki is allowing himself to be softer around her and Hatsumi is learning how to take what she wants. Why do I think that? At the end of the book series she comes to his room, uninvited, asks if she could stay over the night, unasked. Once he is secure with the reciprocation of the feelings he has for her, he gradually stops demanding things from her that make her uncomfortable; and allows himself to let her make decisions for both of them. Them, not just hers.
(BTW, starting a sentence with "Are you freaking kidding me?" makes you sound like you're still in High School, because YES I AM MAKING A COUNTERPOINT, DUUUUUUUH.)
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Anyway, uh, sorry, no. It's not about what place you are in your life. If that relationship was brought over into the real world, no matter what age, anyone would deem it unhealthy, wrong, and dysfunctional. Do you know much about abuse, or abusive men and abusive relationships? To you, that character of Ryoki at the end might of been "softening" up and understanding her more, but a common, common thing in abusive relationships is the "honeymoon phase" that goes off and on throughout the years/months. He might be sweet for a bit, and she'll just get drawn back in - but the character THRIVES off of the power he had over her, and didn't seem to care much about her feelings (cared more about his and didn't think twice about calling her names and hurting her, never apologizing for any of these things). To be as controlling, manipulating and jealous as he is calls for major therapy, not "sex" and "submission" on the girl's part so everything can magically be better.
Trust me, this is coming from someone who's boyfriend ran over her with his car because she was on her period and couldn't have sex. I was in an abusive relationship for years - it's not okay, it's not healthy, and it's not something that can WORK for anyone.
And yes, it means the relationship is unhealthy because it doesn't go the way a "normal relationship" should be. It's not just "my" ideals, it's just common sense. I really think you just have no argument whatsoever. Try telling anyone else that an abusive relationship is "okay" and just because it's "not okay" to society doesn't mean it's "not okay" in general. This is not about opinions. It's about abuse, and (if brought to reality) a girl who is NOT in a safe place who WANTS to be treated better and continuously isn't, but is too afraid to leave.
Anyone who slaps their girlfriend for hanging out with a guy, calls her names, manipulates her, makes her feel terrible, threaten her, etc, is absolute scum and should never be in a relationship with someone until they get their own messed up mentality out of their head.
I really don't think that the Hatsu/Ryoki relationship was functional for both of them. Just because she agrees to have sex doesn't mean that it's functional or "works", it means she's a very weak character who can't stick up for herself, has zero self respect, and is oblivious to her situation. I stayed in my relationship for 4 years. There were tons of happy times. And then there were bad times. Like being burnt, beaten, spit at, dragged around by my hair, thrown chairs at, called worthless, pathetic, ABANDONED while I was pregnant, etc, etc, etc, the list goes on and on and I forgave him after everything - It was still, by no, no means whatsoever, functional.
The relationship portrayed in the book is a very, very dark mind set to be in. Aihara has a complex; it's clear. To defend abusive relationships is almost as sickening as the relationships themselves.
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I'm sure you understand that I'm not going to take your word for it, especially since you decide to post anonymously over and over again on the internet of all places. If you don't stand by your own word, I'm not going to do it for you.
My point is and always been that it's not about unhealthy, wrong, or dysfunctional relationship - it's about a working one. True maso and sado relationships work just fine, as long as the outside world doesn't choose to interfere with it. There are people that like to do odd things to other people and as long as the person likes what is done to them, who are you to judge? It's not your job to play God in someone's relationship, just because you theoretically were in a bad one. Not everyone is like you and you and your boyfriend.
If what you say is true, it looks like you're projecting yourself onto Hatsumi more then you realize. It's not your relationship, you are not them, it's not your call to judge how she does or does not feel. You are not omniscient.
While I can be compassionate about your theoretical old situation, I also know what an enabler is. Being in a relationship when a man feels justified in running over a woman just because of sex, doesn't come about in a day. It's a few month's process of allowing someone else degrade you.
I was in a relationship that was heading that way as well, but I value myself. I value myself enough to say "fuck off". I realized that I cannot "fix" him and left. It hurt like a motherfucker. People like your boyfriend will only value you as you value yourself. From this conversation, I gather that you hold yourself in much better opinion then you did then.
Honestly, I don't understand you. Life is not about fair, it never was. Why it should start now? Be a survivor, don't let your past discolor your future.
Please. Relationships are all about manipulation, calling each other names, making each other feel miserable, and threats. Only people that you care about can cut you, it's like a knife - it works both ways. The "ideal" relationship you're thinking about, probably doesn't exists. A functioning version of it, does. Disney is not real life and it never will be. Real relationships hurt, you feel awkward at times, there are many many compromises and things that the other person has done that will upset you emotionally. The key is to have both parties work towards some sort of a compromise in order to be with each other.
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I think you don't understand why he has such a defense mechanism, but I do. Out of all of my family mine has the most money. You have no idea what things people are willing to say or do to get a piece of it. Right now I have to deal with a side of my family wanting to obtain a piece of my property because "she already has a lot, so it won't matter to her that I'll take some of it. She won't notice." Everyone wants something, and I find myself thinking "what benefit will that bring them?" a lot of the times that I talk to them.
Regardless of, a defense mechanism works whether there's a real threat or isn't. When you feel threatened, when you feel insecure, when something is important to you, a part of you strikes out. For me, he probably slapped her because she didn't consider him important enough in her life to prioritize him or let him know that she won't be seeing him that night. The fact that he was a guy was irrelevant. The emotional side that he refuses to recognize as such, was hurt and he lashed out. It was the only time he did something that rash, even though she screwed up many other times. Why doesn't a slap (singular) bother me? Because if the roles were reversed and Hatsumi slapped Ryoko for leaving her for another girl, no one would blink twice about it. It's socially accepted. By reversing it, she threw the double standard into people's faces. It was to prove your point, I think.
I'm sure you've seen this many times in the movies, I doubt you left or turned it off offended.
Hmmm. Now that I think about it, it looks like this: you identify yourself more with Hatsumi and I more with Ryoki. Odd, but I still don't see the reason why Ryoki liked Hatsumi so much. She was weak. It's as if she was his heart, because he didn't see any within himself. Despite this, to me she was weak. But then, I'm a girl. Odd. Hmmm.
I don't think Aihara has a complex, I think you're projecting your theoretical past onto everything you read, see, and hear. Life is not black and white; your theoretical experience blinded you to the 365 shades of gray.
Honestly, if the books offended you so much, I'm really surprised you finished reading them at all.
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