Life Imitates Art (Or Fiction)
Title: Life Imitates Art (Or Fiction)
Author: hostilecrayon
Pairing: AkiHika
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lemon
Word Count: 7,376
Summary: Sometimes fiction is what's needed to see what's real.
Notes: Written for cyphomandra, who bid on me for help_japan (and it took me forever, so many apologies - I hope the length helps make up for the wait). Thanks to the many faces of the never-ending rewatch chat - Ver, Degrees, Inoru and Very, among others. I hope everyone likes this fic as much as you all did!
Though I have been told this is very sweet, here's a silly macro before we begin.
Life Imitates Art (Or Fiction)
Touya Akira was generally a proper boy. He took his work seriously, he took his studies seriously, and he took his opponents seriously. He was punctual, polite to a fault, and cool and collected when he most needed to be.
That is, as long as Shindou wasn’t involved.
When Shindou was involved, Touya was loud, rude, and just about as far from cool and collected as one could get. All of his excellent upbringing went right out the window, and the world narrowed down to contain only Shindou, his one true rival - the only person who Touya could ever reach the hand of God with, even if it took them another hundred lifetimes.
Touya is absolutely certain that it is this influence Shindou has over him that causes him to not immediately click the back button forcefully when an innocuous Go search leads him to something called ‘The Go Pro RPF Community’ on some site declaring itself to be Dreamwidth. He didn’t know what RPF was or what it had to do with a community, but he did know what a Go Pro was, obviously, and he also had a very good idea what ‘NC-17’ meant. Still, the other labels were little more than gibberish - fluff, angst, waff, H/C, lemon, lime, yaoi - it seemed they were just spouting off random words as ‘warnings’. And then there was something called a ‘pairing’ or sometimes a ‘ship’, which had… names. Of Go Pros. With a slash between them. Sometimes it seemed the ‘pairing’ was some kind of mashing of two words, judging by the random middle of the word capitalization.
What in the hell had he stumbled upon?
He just scrolled through a few of the entries, or posts, or whatever they were, his mind boggling at some of the ‘author notes.’
‘Author Notes: I know I usually like Yeong-Ha to top, but I just couldn’t resist making Yashiro the aggressor this time, guys, lawl. I hope you still like it~!’
‘Top’? What was that referring to? Maybe coming out on top in Go? But then, the NC-17 thing bothered him. Shouldn’t that be for adult content? Maybe they were using it differently… That particular listing was labeled as ‘yaoi’ and ‘lemon’. He was just contemplating clicking the link to find out if this actually had anything to do with Go when he saw it listed as the pairing for the entry below - ‘AkiHika’. Then, in the entry header - ‘Hearts in Tsumego [Fic, Touya/Shindou, NC-17]’.
His heart froze in his chest. Seeing both ‘AkiHika’ and ‘Touya/Shindou’ made it obvious that this… ‘fic’ was about his rival and himself in some way. He didn’t know what a ‘fic’ was, but, biting his lip, he clicked the link.
There was no kifu there like he had vaguely hoped. There wasn’t even some kind of discussion, or photographs, or anything of the sort. Instead, he found a narrative. With some trepidation, he let his eyes skate across the first few lines.
‘Shindou Hikaru was running late, as usual. His mom had cleaned his room for him again, despite him repeatedly asking her to leave his things alone, thank you very much - and he couldn’t find his favorite sweatshirt, and that had cost him a good fifteen minutes at least. When he finally arrived, Touya offered him a derisive snort and opened his goke to nigiri.’
Well, so far it seemed pretty accurate, but why would someone write about this? How would they even know something like that? Touya continued reading through an impressive but clearly fictional account of the start of a game, and further, through an argument that also was impressively accurate.
However, the argument did not end in Shindou storming out, nor did it end in them starting another game. It ended with… a blush. Shindou was blushing. Flustered, even.
Not for the first time, he wondered just what exactly it was he was reading.
Suddenly, Touya found lines written about him - dialogue he had never said, movements he had never made, looks he had never given. And yet, with the way it was written, he could see himself saying those things; could see himself starting to reach for Shindou but coming up short, because people were watching and they were in his father’s salon; could see himself looking at Shindou with a passion for more than just his Go.
Touya felt his cheeks grow warm. Who was writing this? What was the point?
He should close the window and never look back. He moved his mouse to the ‘X’ on the browser.
His fingers twitched, and the scroll wheel moved, and his eyes were automatically drawn to the new text that jumped up on the screen.
The new paragraph went into some detail about things that Touya was sure would make anyone blush to hear. This ‘fic’ Shindou was… admiring him. The curve of his face, the fall of his hair, the intensity of his eyes; it was all there in Shindou’s thoughts as he… he… yearned for ‘fic’ Touya in silence. It was passionate and moving to think someone felt that way about him. To think Shindou felt that way about him.
Temporarily suspending his conviction to close the window, he allowed a little more text to scroll up onto the screen.
Shindou had left the Go salon alone, feeling conflicted and confused. Touya felt a slight tightness in his chest at that. Shindou shouldn’t have to feel that way.
He had to remind himself that he really didn’t.
Touya scrolled again, this time hoping there was more, if only so this story’s Shindou wasn’t quite so sad.
There was more. Quite a bit more, actually, as Touya did a quick scroll down to see how long it was, surprised to find that only about halfway down the scroll bar, the comments began.
There were a lot of comments. Many of them proclaimed how sweet and sexy the story was, and some of them went into greater detail, talking at length about how… how…
About how Touya 5-dan and Shindou 4-dan were soul mates.
He didn’t even bother to wonder what this was all about anymore - obviously he wasn’t going to be able to come up with an answer without investigating further. With a deep breath, he went back and found his place.
There were several more intense scenes where everything seemed like it would be sorted out only to have Shindou internalize his desire and back off. That didn’t seem like the Shindou he knew, unless there was a reason…
‘He wanted Touya; wanted his Go, his attention, his affection, and more than anything else, his love. Some days he thought Touya was already giving him those things; had been giving him those things for years, but then he remembers what it is like to have someone disappear from his life forever, and he is afraid. He doesn’t know how to let someone that close again, except that if he’s honest with himself, he knows that Touya is already that deep under his skin, deeper even - had been since they were twelve, and if he had ever had a chance of stopping it, it would have been then. He was powerless to stop it now, and Shindou hung his head in his hands, a name on his lips that cannot be heard.’
Touya thinks his heart might break, and he stops to breathe, reminding himself that this is purely fictional.
When he begins again, the scene has changed. They are in Touya’s room, alone in the house, his parents away in another country for some fictional tournament. They play, but this time, it doesn’t end in a fight, but with Touya shoving the board out of the way to… kiss Shindou. Shindou kisses back, but after a moment, he turns away, tries to leave the room, but Touya - fictional Touya - stops him with a hand clutching his wrist, and Touya can almost hear himself say, ‘Don’t run away from me. I’ve been chasing you for so long that I don’t know what I’d do if I suddenly found I couldn’t catch you.’
Touya scrolls furiously now, soaking up the conversation, feeling a sense of triumph when Shindou kisses him - fictional him - and then-
He stops.
The him of this fic is pulling off Shindou’s shirt, biting at his neck, sucking at his collarbone. The him of this fic is, oh my god, erect and seductive and definitely trying to have sex with Shindou.
This was on the internet. In a public forum. Where anyone could see it.
The real Touya thought he might spontaneously combust. Then he remembered the sheer mass of comments already left there, and for a moment, he thinks he just might faint.
The blood, however, had not all rushed to his head quite yet. He knew this because he paid attention in sexual education class, and if all of the blood had rushed to his head, it would be impossible for him to have the erection straining against the pressed fabric of his slacks.
Part of him was mortified. Who had written this? Was it for nefarious purposes? It didn’t seem to be, but Touya couldn’t be completely sure. Part of him, though, wanted to know. He wanted to know if they stayed together, if Shindou was happy, how it all played out.
Then there was the part of him he wasn’t very well acquainted with. That part wanted to know the details of fantasy Touya’s sex life. It wanted to know if Shindou would be aggressive in bed, or if he’d tilt his head back and moan, letting Touya explore unhindered. That part of him secretly hoped it was a little of both, and Touya couldn’t even be sure if that thought referred to fictional Shindou, or the real one.
His eyes danced down the page, his body tingling as he read about caressing touches and the intertwining of tongues, and as they removed their clothes, Touya found his hand undoing the button on his slacks. The fictional version of him had Shindou on his back, a hand pressed to his stomach to keep him from bucking when he took Shindou into his mouth, and the real Touya wrapped his fingers around his own erection with a groan. It wasn’t the first time he’d masturbated - that would be absurd, even for Touya - but it was the first time he fantasized like this while he did it. The words on the screen became pictures in his mind, and it surprised him that he could almost feel the words there, like the ghost of a memory that never was.
The comments were spot on, this was sexy, so sexy that Touya wasn’t even sure if he’d make it to the end of the sex scene before he came all over his hand, even stroking languidly as he was. Somewhere along the way, he stopped thinking of the Touya in the story as fictional, and instead imagined it was him rising above Shindou, parting his legs, using his fingers to stretch him, pushing into him agonizingly slowly. It was him who Shindou looked up at in wonder, and with a cry in the back of his throat, he came before the Touya in the story had even started to move.
He wanted Shindou so badly. How had he missed it for all these years?
When he finished reading Hearts in Tsumego, which was sweet and lovely and everything he suddenly wanted to be real, he sought out more. He read several other stories, but none of them resonated with him like the first did. There was always something off about them - they couldn’t get the personality quite right, or there would be actions taken that he could never see either of them do. Some of them even had wild theories about Sai, and Touya wondered how they knew that Sai might be tied to Shindou. There were many other pairings that Touya found himself snorting at - he had no interest in Ochi what-so-ever - but he also came across something called ‘meta’ and was treated to a bullet list of just why he and Shindou were a perfect match.
He was convinced. Now to do something about it.
His next game with Shindou was the following morning. Though it was just one of thousands they had played before, he found himself nervously staring into his closet, wondering what he should wear. It wasn’t an experience he’d had before, and after some deliberation, he decided on a long-sleeved button down dress shirt and some black slacks, leaving the top two buttons of the shirt undone for appeal. With unsteady hands, he smoothed the collar, took a deep breath, and headed out.
Shindou was late, as usual, which immediately made him think of Hearts in Tsumego - something he decidedly should not be thinking about with Shindou in such close proximity. Still, he snorted with derision and opened the lid on his goke to nigiri, trying hard not to blush.
Shindou took a seat, giving Touya a weird look before taking his own stones and placing two on the board. Touya counted his stones before returning them to the goke, waiting for Shindou to move. Shindou dug his fingers into his bowl, fingering the stones, but looking directly at Touya. “Hey Touya, you’re a little red. You feeling okay?”
“I’m well enough to play,” Touya countered, deliberately avoiding an explanation, growing redder by the second.
“If you’re sure…” he murmurs, placing his first stone.
“Of course I’m sure,” Touya says, trying to sound confident but mostly sounding petulant.
They play a few hands, Touya toying with the undone buttons of his shirt self-consciously.
“Are you really alright?” Shindou asks softly. “I’ve never seen you fidget before.”
Touya dropped his hand to his lap. This wasn’t going at all how he wanted it to. “I’m fine, Shindou.”
“…Okay.”
The game progressed messily, and in the end, Touya lost by a miserable five moku.
“Now I know something is wrong. As much as I’d like to boast about my Go prowess, it’s not fun if you didn’t even try.”
Touya flushed harder. “I was trying.”
“Right. You mean to tell me I’m so amazing that I conquered your entire upper right cluster through sheer awesomeness?”
“Yes, Shindou, you won through sheer awesomeness,” Touya said sarcastically, using air quotes around ‘sheer awesomeness’. “Obviously you’ve completely left me behind. I guess I gotta ramp up my game, or whatever nonsense phrase you’d use.”
“I guess you should, playing like that!”
“Well, if you weren’t so damn distracting!”
Shindou blushed. “Distracting?”
“I mean, wearing yellow all the time… such a distracting color!” Touya sputtered.
Shindou frowned. “Well, we should do this another day when I’m wearing a different color, apparently.”
Shindou turned to leave and Touya started to reach for him, but felt the eyes on him and stopped. It was all playing out like the fic. The fight was different, but the actions were the same, and Touya struggled to come up with a way to get Shindou to stay, but he came up empty and watched Shindou walk out.
Damn.
He felt like he’d gone backwards somehow. Not only did he not find out if Shindou was interested in him, but he’d left early. Obviously, he’d have to try harder.
Problem was, he had no idea where to start.
Touya didn’t know what to do, so he checked on the community again - the place where it all started. There were new posts, but nothing too spectacular when he saw the author who’d written Hearts in Tsumego - go_no_ghost. Eagerly, he clicked the link.
It was short this time, not sexual but instead a love story. Shindou leaves the Go salon upset, but Touya follows him, stopping him with a hand on his arm, and after a brief exchange, Touya slips his hand into Shindou’s. The fic, or ‘drabble’ this time, ends with a silent, mutual understanding.
If only Touya had followed him out… Would it be enough?
It was too late for that now, though. He didn’t want to have to upset Shindou again to try it. He still couldn’t believe he’d told Shindou that his clothing was distracting. He scrolled through the couple of comments on the fic, declaring it sweet and perfect for them, and decided to leave an anonymous comment of his own.
‘You capture personalities quite well. It is almost as if you know them personally. I sincerely hope that in the end, these two find a way to get together in a way as lovely as you have written it.’
He hesitated, reading through it several times to make sure it didn’t scream ‘I’m Touya Akira!’ and finally hit the submit button. His comment was added to the others.
He couldn’t use what was in this fic, but reading it had given him an idea - what if he could modify something from a different one? In all of the fictional stories he’s read so far, he’d always eventually managed to get Shindou in the end. Maybe he could try something subtle?
He read through all of what the archive had for him and then looked elsewhere, finding that this thing called ‘fanfiction’ was not limited to the Dreamwidth website. There were literally thousands of fics out there, and he could hardly believe that Go Pros had that large of a following. Some of the fics were silly, crack, they were labeled - one even had them using cake filling for lube, which didn’t sound like it would work at all - but many of them were sweet, and it was well past dark before Touya was able to formulate any kind of plan.
He definitely wasn’t going to just grab Shindou and kiss him, as much as he would like to - it seemed both risky and something that he wasn’t sure he could will himself to just do. There were a lot of other things he wasn’t willing to do, either; in many of the fics he was a relentless stalker, or a lightweight drunk who would suddenly confess, and some even have him trying to make Shindou jealous by bringing other men around. None of those things were right for him.
He could, however, change how he dressed, just a little.
That’s how he found himself in a department store after his game the following day, at a complete loss. He didn’t want to change too drastically, but it had to be noticeable, too. The shop clerks eyed him curiously, looking over his perfectly tailored suit and wondering what he was doing there. It was awkward, but Touya was determined, and he willed himself to look around.
A t-shirt and jeans was one option, but he didn’t think it would be very sexy - unless it was on Shindou, but then, he managed to make everything seem sexy. He was just so comfortable in his own skin. Touya liked to think that he was comfortable, too, but only in certain clothes. The things he was looking at were just so very… not him.
Hidden back in a corner, though, he found something that just might work. Technically, it was a t-shirt, but it had a familiar argyle pattern printed on it. Perhaps he could be comfortable in that. He wasn’t sure just how adventurous he was willing to be, so he decided to stop there, purchasing the appropriate size and taking it home to change before he met up with Shindou. The grey went well with black, so he donned a fresh pair of black slacks and matching dress shoes and headed to the salon.
Shindou was already there for once, and he turned when he heard Touya approach, “Hey Touya, I actually made it on time-“ As his eyes landed on Touya, they widened slightly, and then he started to laugh.
“What?” Touya said defensively. He didn’t know what reaction he’d expected, but this was definitely not it. He could feel the tips of his ears turn pink.
“You talk about my clothes being distracting, but,” he had to pause as he was laughing too hard to continue, “you’re wearing a t-shirt… a t-shirt… with slacks and dress shoes! Are you serious?”
“Well, forgive me for not having your superior fashion sense,” Touya snapped. In the back of his mind, he noted that Shindou was wearing a muted blue instead of the yellow he often wore, which both warmed him and made him feel bad at the same time.
“Seriously, Touya, we cannot play with you wearing that. There’s no way I can concentrate.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Touya said stiffly.
“Hey, don’t get upset. Why don’t we skip the game for now and go shopping? My treat. We can always play later.”
“I don’t know…” Touya started to say, but Shindou was smiling at him, his warm, callused fingers wrapping around his wrist and tugging lightly. What could he do but follow?
Touya had expected Shindou to let go once they got outside, but instead, Shindou moved swiftly, dragging Touya along with him, his grip firm but gentle on Touya’s wrist bones. Touya said nothing, his brain moving a thousand miles a minute with only one real, coherent thought staying consistent - I don’t want him to ever let go.
A few blocks down, Shindou ducked into a shop, Touya close behind, and once they came to a stop, Shindou’s fingers fell away so that he could poke at things and pick them up to look them over. Touya’s wrist tingled, the skin there warmer than the rest of him. He shivered.
“Are you cold? You should have at least brought a jacket,” Shindou said, picking one up and holding it against Touya. “No no, this is all wrong. Come on, let’s go to the back.” And then Shindou was dragging him again.
This went on for what felt like a long time, Touya’s heart fluttering each time Shindou touched him, until finally, Shindou felt they had enough to try on and led them to the dressing rooms.
Then Touya realized that Shindou intended to go inside the dressing room with him, and he thought he might die. “I’ll be alright by myself…”
“It’s no big deal, Touya. We’re both guys - it’s not like you have anything that I don’t. Besides, I have to see how the clothes fit, and with as much as you have to try on, it would be ridiculous to have you come out and show me each and every time.” Before Touya could protest further, Shindou pushed him into the dressing room and locked the door.
Touya willed himself not to think of all the fics that involved him, Shindou, and small, public places. At least it wasn’t a bathroom stall.
“Let’s start with shirts,” Shindou said, digging through the pile he’d dumped on the bench and pulling out a thin polo sweater.
Touya just stared at it.
Shindou grinned. “It won’t try itself on, Touya. You have to actually take off your shirt for this to work.”
“I know,” Touya replied defensively, his body warming as he moved to pull off the brand new t-shirt. He snatched the polo sweater out of Shindou’s hands and hastily shimmied into it, Shindou watching him all the time. “Well?”
Shindou stared at him critically, reaching out to tug at the fabric and smooth the collar. “Yeah, I like the way it clings. I can’t really be sure without seeing it with the right pants, though.” Again he dug through the clothes, pulling out a pair of tan cargo pants. “Try these.”
Touya fought the blush and his racing heart, and turned around to change. He quite suddenly wished he were wearing boxers instead of the briefs he had on, and he couldn’t even decide if he wanted Shindou to stare at his ass or not. The whole thing was just so embarrassing, and he hastily stepped into the cargo pants, pulling them up and closing the fly, making sure everything was in perfect order before turning around.
Shindou looked him over, nodding approvingly. “Yeah, I think it works well together. It’s different from what you normally wear, but not so much that it’s shocking. It’s sort of dress casual. What do you think?”
Touya turned to the side, looking in the full-length mirror. Shindou had a point; though Touya felt the sweater was a little too clingy, it did look like something he might wear while still giving off more of a casual air to it. “I like it,” he finally replied. “I had no idea you knew about this kind of dress. You always wear street clothes.”
Shindou snorted. “Just because I like my clothes a little baggy doesn’t mean I don’t know what looks good on other people. What I wear isn’t for you. This is much more your style. You wear it well.” Shindou was smiling again, and this time, Touya returned it. “So, uh, want to try some of the others?”
“Sure,” he said, and this time it was a little easier to change with Shindou there, even if he still turned around to change his pants. It took them almost an hour to try all of the different combinations, Shindou enthusiastically approving some and discarding others. By the end of it, they were both smiling and laughing, and as Touya changed back into his own clothes so they could make their purchase, he was overcome with the urge to kiss Shindou. They stared at each other for a moment, Touya taking in the soft curve of Shindou’s lips, the way his bleached bangs stuck to his eyebrows in places, the soft curve of his neck as it disappeared down into his shirt.
Shindou looked away first. “Ready?”
The moment passed, and Touya nodded, following Shindou out, wondering if he’d ever have the courage to do more than look.
Both Touya and Shindou were stacked with games and other Go commitments for the next few days, so Touya saved the new outfits (Shindou had insisted on paying, despite Touya’s objections that it was too much) for when they could meet up again. He checked the community every night, but it wasn’t until the night before their next game that go_no_ghost posted again.
Anxious to see what the author who started it all had put out this time, he made sure his door was locked and opened it up. He almost gasped when he saw what the subject matter was.
Fic Touya was staying the night at Shindou’s house, but he hadn’t brought spare clothing with him, so Shindou was making him try on his pajamas. It wasn’t quite the same as the other day, but it definitely struck a chord in him, and he read on eagerly.
In the fic, though, it turned out that the changing was interrupted when Shindou brought his hand up to Touya’s face, kissing him softly. Just as he suspected he might in real life, fic Touya wasted no time kissing back, threading his fingers through Shindou’s gelled hair. Shindou’s hands trailed up fic Touya’s already bare chest, and Touya could feel it, imagining the hands that had smoothed his shirt in the dressing room had been on his bare skin, instead. Before long, he found himself stroking his erection, and his attention divided itself between the scene in the fic and a brand new scene - one in which he had kissed Shindou that day in the dressing room; had run his fingers along the hem of his shirt and then up inside it to touch what he imagined was impossibly smooth skin beneath.
The Touya in the fic had his lips around Shindou’s cock, and in Touya’s head he modified it, kneeling on the dressing room floor, Shindou’s hands in his hair as he bit his lip, trying not to cry out but failing, whimpering softly as swirled his tongue over the head of his penis, pushing forward to take all of Shindou in his mouth, his nose pressing against the dark hair trailing down his abdomen. Fic Shindou and fantasy Shindou both came, Touya’s name on his lips, and while fic Touya was ready for more, the real Touya just couldn’t take it; couldn’t take the thought of Shindou pressed against the wall, his head thrown back, Touya’s name tumbling from his lips in ecstasy. Touya came hard, doubling over in his chair, panting as he coaxed the last little bit from his dick.
One of these days, he would get through one of go_no_ghost’s sex scenes without coming halfway through, but apparently, today was not that day.
“You’re wearing them!” Shindou said with a smile, motioning at Touya’s clothes.
“Yeah, I thought, since you bought me so many, the only way to pay you back was to actually wear them,” Touya said with a smirk.
“I hope that’s not the only reason you’re wearing them,” Shindou replied, but he was still smiling. “I was thinking, maybe we could do something today? Besides play Go, I mean.”
It was in Touya to object - they hadn’t played in quite some time - but instead, Touya cocked his head to the side. “What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know, anything. You could, uh, come over to my house? There’s this anime I’ve been watching, and I wouldn’t mind starting it over if you’re interested…” Shindou ducked his head, looking like he completely expected Touya to say no.
“We could do that. I mean, I’ve never watched anime before, but I’m willing to try it.”
The smile that blossomed on Shindou’s face made whatever came next worth it. “Great! I just know you’ll love it!”
Touya wasn’t sure about that, but he was sure that a day spent with Shindou was not a day wasted.
Several episodes into Fairy Tail, Touya started to see a pattern. Two of the main characters were rivals, and they were constantly fighting and arguing, even though it was obvious that they were friends.
During one particularly heated argument, the two were in each other’s faces, and Shindou laughed. “I feel like they should just kiss already and get it over with. Popcorn?” Shindou said, staring into the popcorn bowl he was holding out, resolutely not looking at Touya.
“Why do you say that?” Touya asked quietly, not sure if he should interpret that the way he initially had.
Shindou shrugged, looking back at Gray and Natsu arguing on the screen, his ears tinged pink. “I don’t know, I mean, it just kind of seems like they like each other, don’t you think?”
Rivals, who argued all the time but were really friends… seemed like they liked each other to Shindou? “Yes, I suppose it does.”
Shindou shot Touya a sharp look before looking back at the screen. “It’s just a thought.”
“No, I really do see it,” Touya said, his face feeling hot.
They shared another of those moments where they just looked at each other before Shindou shifted, stretching out his legs so that one of them just barely pressed against Touya’s. “Yeah. I can totally see it.”
Three hours later and a hastily made copy of the rest of Fairy Tail in his hands, Touya made his way home, almost sure that somehow, they had taken another step towards the them in go_no_ghost’s fanfiction.
Later, he would let himself think about how it had not only been rivals, but male rivals, but at the time, he was too busy remembering the feel of Shindou’s leg pressed against his to consider it.
He wasn’t going to see Shindou again for several days - there was a Go event in Hokkaido that Touya had opted out of because of an important match - so when go_no_ghost didn’t post again, Touya decided that maybe it was his turn to write something. First, though, he needed a screen name.
Several came to mind that he discarded immediately. Then an idea came that he just couldn’t pass up. Before he changed his mind, he typed it into the desired user name box, put in a password, and pressed enter. It turned out that 2_years_4_months wasn’t taken, and thus, his online persona was born. He made sure to keep all of his information private, and he didn’t write any incriminating evidence on his profile. His only interests were listed as go, Go Pro RPF, and AkiHika.
Then he set in to write.
Writing was harder than he’d imagined it would be. He knew what he wanted to say, but it took forever to say it, the blink of the cursor mocking him at every turn. It took him the full three days before Shindou’s return to finish it, and the night before their game, he posted the story of him and Shindou making out during a movie to the Go Pro RPF community.
Before he left for the salon, Touya checked his e-mail and was surprised to see a dozen comments on his story. One of which was from go_no_ghost.
‘I love this story. I think this could really happen - yeah, I can totally see it.’
Touya’s heart fell out of his chest. It was just a coincidence, right? A lot of people talked like Shindou. There was no reason to think this actually was him - besides, last he knew, Shindou wasn’t very good with computers outside of Netgo and comics. It couldn’t be him.
Touya sent off a polite reply thanking go_no_ghost, and was about to sign off when he noticed the friend request. He stared at it in his inbox - ‘go_no_ghost has added you to their circle’ before he shut down the computer, leaving it for when he got home.
Their game was intense, Touya matching Shindou stone for stone. It had been so long since they played that all of Touya’s emotions were caught up in every sharp pa-chi of his stones, and Shindou met him halfway, his play risky and edgy and so very alive, echoing the boy - no, man - he knew Shindou to be. It made his heart race and his hair stand on end right on into yose where their stones flowed back and forth in a passionate dance for territory. In the end, Touya managed to hold on to a half moku lead, but instead of arguing over the game like usual, they were both smiling, panting slightly from the sheer emotional exertion.
“It was a beautiful game,” Touya said softly.
“It was, wasn’t it?” Shindou replied, a note of wonder in his voice. “Hey, Touya… You wanna get out of here? Maybe go over to my place?”
No reason was given, and Touya felt his mouth go dry. “Yes.”
It had never taken so long to get to Shindou’s house. The train was crowded as usual, and as they clung to the handholds, Touya had to hold his breath each time the train lurched, sending Shindou swaying into him, the length of his body pressing against him in a way that was both sensual and torturous for Touya.
When they were finally at their stop, Shindou grabbed hold of Touya’s hand, pulling him through the crowd and onto the street, where he continued to drag Touya along. Touya squeezed Shindou’s hand in return, and took a deep breath, his heart threatening to explode out of his chest. “You don’t have to drag me, you know. If… If you want to hold my hand, I don’t mind.”
Shindou turned wide eyes to Touya, and for one, agonizing moment, Touya thought that maybe he’d misread the situation after all, but then Shindou smiled softly, threading their fingers together.
“Yeah, okay.” Then he just walked on, Touya by his side, both of their faces tinged with pink.
They didn’t speak again until they were safely behind Shindou’s closed door, and after a moment of just standing there staring at each other, Shindou ventured, “How long?”
“Probably since I met you,” Touya said softly. “But, and this is going to sound a bit strange, but… it was something I found on the internet that really made me realize it.”
Shindou grinned fit to crack his face. “Oh yeah? And what was that?”
Touya flushed. “There’s this… community dedicated to fictional stories about Go Pros. There was this story there…”
If possible, Shindou’s grin widened. “By go_no_ghost?”
Touya sputtered. “How did you know?”
Shindou laughed. “Just a hunch… 2_years_4_months.”
“What? I, oh god, you saw that?” Touya was pretty sure he was going to die. Faint, maybe.
“Why didn’t you accept my friend request?” Touya’s mouth fell open and Shindou reached out, pulling Touya to him.
“How did you know?” Touya said again, horribly embarrassed.
“It wasn’t so hard. You wrote about almost exactly what we did last time we hung out. That and how could I ever forget that you’d counted the time between our matches all those years ago? There can’t possibly be anyone else obsessed with two years and four months like you.” Shindou smiled fondly at him, and before Touya could reply, Shindou’s fingers slid across Touya’s cheek, drawing him in to capture Touya’s lips with his.
Shindou’s lips were warm and wet and soft against his, and as good as the fanfiction had been, it couldn’t compare to this feeling of closeness, to Shindou’s fluttering heartbeat beneath Touya’s fingers pressed against Shindou’s chest, to the feel of Shindou’s hand pressed against his cheek, go calluses scratching lightly against the soft skin there. It was just a kiss, just a pressing of lips, but it felt like so much more. This was the moment that would change every moment that followed, and yet it felt so natural; the natural progression of their rivalry turning into something more.
When they parted, Touya was breathless, his hand trailing down Shindou’s chest to wrap around him and pull him close, clutching at his back and he just stared into a soft sea of green. In that moment, he was struck by just how beautiful Shindou was, bleached bangs framing his face, his lips caught in a half grin. It was overwhelming, and as it washed over him, the words just tumbled from his mouth.
“I love you.”
Shindou’s face went through a myriad of emotions - shock, wonder, affection, happiness, before it finally settled on a soft glow. “I love you. I’ve loved you for so long…”
Then they were kissing again, and Touya wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life right there in Shindou’s arms. Touya didn’t know what he was doing, but he boldly forged ahead anyway, running his tongue along Shindou’s lower lip until he gasped, slipping his own tongue out to meet Touya’s before pressing their lips together again, tangling his tongue with Touya’s. It was sloppy and new and different, but Touya wouldn’t change it for the world, pulling at Shindou’s shirt to get to the skin hidden beneath.
It didn’t go quite as smoothly as it had in the fanfiction, but they got there slowly, exploring each other’s bodies before pulling off their shirts. Skin to skin, they kissed there in front of Shindou’s door until their straining erections pressed against each other’s hips became too much and Shindou moved them towards the bed, tripping over various things until finally, Shindou fell back onto his mattress, pulling Touya down with him.
With shaking fingers, Touya undid the button on Shindou’s jeans and pulled down the zipper, Shindou’s breath hitching when Touya’s long fingers grazed his erection. Touya licked his lips. “I want to… can I…”
“Anything,” Shindou said, breathless and wanting, his eyes never leaving Touya.
Carefully, Touya pulled off Shindou’s pants and underwear, gazing at Shindou’s hard penis as he freed it. Locking his eyes with Shindou’s, he wrapped his fingers around the base and took the head into his mouth. Shindou’s mouth dropped open and he began to pant as he watched Touya explore his dick with his mouth, licking tentatively and stroking him slowly as he inched more and more of his length between his lips. Touya flushed under the heat of that gaze, stroking him faster as he tried to maneuver his tongue, bobbing his head up and down until his lips bumped into his fingers again and again.
Shindou’s eyes closed slightly, but he managed to keep eye contact, soft noises escaping his lips until his whole body seized up, a flood of salty liquid filling Touya’s mouth, dripping down into his throat, and he swallowed around Shindou’s dick, making Shindou twitch beneath him.
Shindou breathed heavily for a moment before pulling Touya up for a deep kiss. “Touya,” he moaned, before reaching over to dig around in a drawer. “Lube,” he said simply, and Touya’s heart caught in his throat.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he felt compelled to say, but Shindou just smiled at him.
“Me either. But I think we can figure it out.” Shindou moved to undo Touya’s pants, and he could feel the unsteady shake in his hands.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
Shindou laughed. “There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to do more. Unless you want to stop?” But the slight grin told Touya he already knew the answer to that. He shook his head for him anyway, and Shindou finished the job of removing Touya’s pants.
“Tell me if I do something wrong?” Touya asked, pouring lube over his fingers.
“Of course,” he replied, spreading his legs, his cock already half erect again.
He brushed his index finger against Shindou’s entrance, using circling motions to spread the lube there before slowly, slowly pressing the tip inside. Shindou flushed, gripping at the blanket beneath him, and Touya groaned. He’d never seen something so sexy.
He pushed his finger in and out of Shindou until it moved easily before inserting another, and then again, inserting a third. “Touya, Touya,” Shindou moaned, rocking against Touya’s fingers until Touya couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled them back, coating his own dick with lube before crawling on top of Shindou, pressing against his entrance, kissing him, biting at his lip, and then he was in, pushing deeper and deeper as Shindou’s nails bit into his shoulder blades, his legs wrapping around him and pulling him inside.
Panting and flushed and sweating, Touya looked down into Shindou’s eyes. “I love you,” he said again, because he could feel it encompassing him, taking over his very being, and he rolled his hips, a broken, “Tou… ya…” all that Shindou could say in reply.
Touya moved slowly, drunk on the feel of being inside Shindou, but it was his first time, and all too quickly he could feel it coiling in his gut, and he barely had time to say, “Shindou, I’m coming,” before all of his muscles tensed and he was crying out, his body jerking as his orgasm washed over him.
Shindou pulled their faces together, and as he regained control of his body again, he kissed Shindou hard, his hands moving over his body even in the wake of his orgasm. He wanted more, much more, to do it over and over again until their bodies couldn’t move and they passed out in the afterglow. Was this what it meant to be insatiable?
Shindou chuckled. “Relax, we can do it again. Give yourself a minute to breathe.”
Touya let himself roll to the side, wrapping his arms around Shindou. They lay like that for a few minutes, Touya’s face buried in Shindou’s hair, the sharp tang of hair care products filling his nose. Then, “I’m really glad you wrote those stories. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to realize how much I wanted this without them.”
“Hey, it was your story that made me realize you’d realized, so we’re even.”
Touya laughed. “I just thought I might as well try it.”
Touya could feel Shindou smile, and he turned in his arms, looking at him with a wicked grin. “Want to write one together?”
Waya stared at the screen, looked at Isumi, looked back at the screen. “You don’t think…”
“It could be,” Isumi said with a smirk.
“No way. It can’t be.” That didn’t stop him from commenting with ‘God guys, get a room!’ though.
This is also posted at DW, which you can find here. Comment wherever you want!
Author: hostilecrayon
Pairing: AkiHika
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Lemon
Word Count: 7,376
Summary: Sometimes fiction is what's needed to see what's real.
Notes: Written for cyphomandra, who bid on me for help_japan (and it took me forever, so many apologies - I hope the length helps make up for the wait). Thanks to the many faces of the never-ending rewatch chat - Ver, Degrees, Inoru and Very, among others. I hope everyone likes this fic as much as you all did!
Though I have been told this is very sweet, here's a silly macro before we begin.
Life Imitates Art (Or Fiction)
Touya Akira was generally a proper boy. He took his work seriously, he took his studies seriously, and he took his opponents seriously. He was punctual, polite to a fault, and cool and collected when he most needed to be.
That is, as long as Shindou wasn’t involved.
When Shindou was involved, Touya was loud, rude, and just about as far from cool and collected as one could get. All of his excellent upbringing went right out the window, and the world narrowed down to contain only Shindou, his one true rival - the only person who Touya could ever reach the hand of God with, even if it took them another hundred lifetimes.
Touya is absolutely certain that it is this influence Shindou has over him that causes him to not immediately click the back button forcefully when an innocuous Go search leads him to something called ‘The Go Pro RPF Community’ on some site declaring itself to be Dreamwidth. He didn’t know what RPF was or what it had to do with a community, but he did know what a Go Pro was, obviously, and he also had a very good idea what ‘NC-17’ meant. Still, the other labels were little more than gibberish - fluff, angst, waff, H/C, lemon, lime, yaoi - it seemed they were just spouting off random words as ‘warnings’. And then there was something called a ‘pairing’ or sometimes a ‘ship’, which had… names. Of Go Pros. With a slash between them. Sometimes it seemed the ‘pairing’ was some kind of mashing of two words, judging by the random middle of the word capitalization.
What in the hell had he stumbled upon?
He just scrolled through a few of the entries, or posts, or whatever they were, his mind boggling at some of the ‘author notes.’
‘Author Notes: I know I usually like Yeong-Ha to top, but I just couldn’t resist making Yashiro the aggressor this time, guys, lawl. I hope you still like it~!’
‘Top’? What was that referring to? Maybe coming out on top in Go? But then, the NC-17 thing bothered him. Shouldn’t that be for adult content? Maybe they were using it differently… That particular listing was labeled as ‘yaoi’ and ‘lemon’. He was just contemplating clicking the link to find out if this actually had anything to do with Go when he saw it listed as the pairing for the entry below - ‘AkiHika’. Then, in the entry header - ‘Hearts in Tsumego [Fic, Touya/Shindou, NC-17]’.
His heart froze in his chest. Seeing both ‘AkiHika’ and ‘Touya/Shindou’ made it obvious that this… ‘fic’ was about his rival and himself in some way. He didn’t know what a ‘fic’ was, but, biting his lip, he clicked the link.
There was no kifu there like he had vaguely hoped. There wasn’t even some kind of discussion, or photographs, or anything of the sort. Instead, he found a narrative. With some trepidation, he let his eyes skate across the first few lines.
‘Shindou Hikaru was running late, as usual. His mom had cleaned his room for him again, despite him repeatedly asking her to leave his things alone, thank you very much - and he couldn’t find his favorite sweatshirt, and that had cost him a good fifteen minutes at least. When he finally arrived, Touya offered him a derisive snort and opened his goke to nigiri.’
Well, so far it seemed pretty accurate, but why would someone write about this? How would they even know something like that? Touya continued reading through an impressive but clearly fictional account of the start of a game, and further, through an argument that also was impressively accurate.
However, the argument did not end in Shindou storming out, nor did it end in them starting another game. It ended with… a blush. Shindou was blushing. Flustered, even.
Not for the first time, he wondered just what exactly it was he was reading.
Suddenly, Touya found lines written about him - dialogue he had never said, movements he had never made, looks he had never given. And yet, with the way it was written, he could see himself saying those things; could see himself starting to reach for Shindou but coming up short, because people were watching and they were in his father’s salon; could see himself looking at Shindou with a passion for more than just his Go.
Touya felt his cheeks grow warm. Who was writing this? What was the point?
He should close the window and never look back. He moved his mouse to the ‘X’ on the browser.
His fingers twitched, and the scroll wheel moved, and his eyes were automatically drawn to the new text that jumped up on the screen.
The new paragraph went into some detail about things that Touya was sure would make anyone blush to hear. This ‘fic’ Shindou was… admiring him. The curve of his face, the fall of his hair, the intensity of his eyes; it was all there in Shindou’s thoughts as he… he… yearned for ‘fic’ Touya in silence. It was passionate and moving to think someone felt that way about him. To think Shindou felt that way about him.
Temporarily suspending his conviction to close the window, he allowed a little more text to scroll up onto the screen.
Shindou had left the Go salon alone, feeling conflicted and confused. Touya felt a slight tightness in his chest at that. Shindou shouldn’t have to feel that way.
He had to remind himself that he really didn’t.
Touya scrolled again, this time hoping there was more, if only so this story’s Shindou wasn’t quite so sad.
There was more. Quite a bit more, actually, as Touya did a quick scroll down to see how long it was, surprised to find that only about halfway down the scroll bar, the comments began.
There were a lot of comments. Many of them proclaimed how sweet and sexy the story was, and some of them went into greater detail, talking at length about how… how…
About how Touya 5-dan and Shindou 4-dan were soul mates.
He didn’t even bother to wonder what this was all about anymore - obviously he wasn’t going to be able to come up with an answer without investigating further. With a deep breath, he went back and found his place.
There were several more intense scenes where everything seemed like it would be sorted out only to have Shindou internalize his desire and back off. That didn’t seem like the Shindou he knew, unless there was a reason…
‘He wanted Touya; wanted his Go, his attention, his affection, and more than anything else, his love. Some days he thought Touya was already giving him those things; had been giving him those things for years, but then he remembers what it is like to have someone disappear from his life forever, and he is afraid. He doesn’t know how to let someone that close again, except that if he’s honest with himself, he knows that Touya is already that deep under his skin, deeper even - had been since they were twelve, and if he had ever had a chance of stopping it, it would have been then. He was powerless to stop it now, and Shindou hung his head in his hands, a name on his lips that cannot be heard.’
Touya thinks his heart might break, and he stops to breathe, reminding himself that this is purely fictional.
When he begins again, the scene has changed. They are in Touya’s room, alone in the house, his parents away in another country for some fictional tournament. They play, but this time, it doesn’t end in a fight, but with Touya shoving the board out of the way to… kiss Shindou. Shindou kisses back, but after a moment, he turns away, tries to leave the room, but Touya - fictional Touya - stops him with a hand clutching his wrist, and Touya can almost hear himself say, ‘Don’t run away from me. I’ve been chasing you for so long that I don’t know what I’d do if I suddenly found I couldn’t catch you.’
Touya scrolls furiously now, soaking up the conversation, feeling a sense of triumph when Shindou kisses him - fictional him - and then-
He stops.
The him of this fic is pulling off Shindou’s shirt, biting at his neck, sucking at his collarbone. The him of this fic is, oh my god, erect and seductive and definitely trying to have sex with Shindou.
This was on the internet. In a public forum. Where anyone could see it.
The real Touya thought he might spontaneously combust. Then he remembered the sheer mass of comments already left there, and for a moment, he thinks he just might faint.
The blood, however, had not all rushed to his head quite yet. He knew this because he paid attention in sexual education class, and if all of the blood had rushed to his head, it would be impossible for him to have the erection straining against the pressed fabric of his slacks.
Part of him was mortified. Who had written this? Was it for nefarious purposes? It didn’t seem to be, but Touya couldn’t be completely sure. Part of him, though, wanted to know. He wanted to know if they stayed together, if Shindou was happy, how it all played out.
Then there was the part of him he wasn’t very well acquainted with. That part wanted to know the details of fantasy Touya’s sex life. It wanted to know if Shindou would be aggressive in bed, or if he’d tilt his head back and moan, letting Touya explore unhindered. That part of him secretly hoped it was a little of both, and Touya couldn’t even be sure if that thought referred to fictional Shindou, or the real one.
His eyes danced down the page, his body tingling as he read about caressing touches and the intertwining of tongues, and as they removed their clothes, Touya found his hand undoing the button on his slacks. The fictional version of him had Shindou on his back, a hand pressed to his stomach to keep him from bucking when he took Shindou into his mouth, and the real Touya wrapped his fingers around his own erection with a groan. It wasn’t the first time he’d masturbated - that would be absurd, even for Touya - but it was the first time he fantasized like this while he did it. The words on the screen became pictures in his mind, and it surprised him that he could almost feel the words there, like the ghost of a memory that never was.
The comments were spot on, this was sexy, so sexy that Touya wasn’t even sure if he’d make it to the end of the sex scene before he came all over his hand, even stroking languidly as he was. Somewhere along the way, he stopped thinking of the Touya in the story as fictional, and instead imagined it was him rising above Shindou, parting his legs, using his fingers to stretch him, pushing into him agonizingly slowly. It was him who Shindou looked up at in wonder, and with a cry in the back of his throat, he came before the Touya in the story had even started to move.
He wanted Shindou so badly. How had he missed it for all these years?
When he finished reading Hearts in Tsumego, which was sweet and lovely and everything he suddenly wanted to be real, he sought out more. He read several other stories, but none of them resonated with him like the first did. There was always something off about them - they couldn’t get the personality quite right, or there would be actions taken that he could never see either of them do. Some of them even had wild theories about Sai, and Touya wondered how they knew that Sai might be tied to Shindou. There were many other pairings that Touya found himself snorting at - he had no interest in Ochi what-so-ever - but he also came across something called ‘meta’ and was treated to a bullet list of just why he and Shindou were a perfect match.
He was convinced. Now to do something about it.
His next game with Shindou was the following morning. Though it was just one of thousands they had played before, he found himself nervously staring into his closet, wondering what he should wear. It wasn’t an experience he’d had before, and after some deliberation, he decided on a long-sleeved button down dress shirt and some black slacks, leaving the top two buttons of the shirt undone for appeal. With unsteady hands, he smoothed the collar, took a deep breath, and headed out.
Shindou was late, as usual, which immediately made him think of Hearts in Tsumego - something he decidedly should not be thinking about with Shindou in such close proximity. Still, he snorted with derision and opened the lid on his goke to nigiri, trying hard not to blush.
Shindou took a seat, giving Touya a weird look before taking his own stones and placing two on the board. Touya counted his stones before returning them to the goke, waiting for Shindou to move. Shindou dug his fingers into his bowl, fingering the stones, but looking directly at Touya. “Hey Touya, you’re a little red. You feeling okay?”
“I’m well enough to play,” Touya countered, deliberately avoiding an explanation, growing redder by the second.
“If you’re sure…” he murmurs, placing his first stone.
“Of course I’m sure,” Touya says, trying to sound confident but mostly sounding petulant.
They play a few hands, Touya toying with the undone buttons of his shirt self-consciously.
“Are you really alright?” Shindou asks softly. “I’ve never seen you fidget before.”
Touya dropped his hand to his lap. This wasn’t going at all how he wanted it to. “I’m fine, Shindou.”
“…Okay.”
The game progressed messily, and in the end, Touya lost by a miserable five moku.
“Now I know something is wrong. As much as I’d like to boast about my Go prowess, it’s not fun if you didn’t even try.”
Touya flushed harder. “I was trying.”
“Right. You mean to tell me I’m so amazing that I conquered your entire upper right cluster through sheer awesomeness?”
“Yes, Shindou, you won through sheer awesomeness,” Touya said sarcastically, using air quotes around ‘sheer awesomeness’. “Obviously you’ve completely left me behind. I guess I gotta ramp up my game, or whatever nonsense phrase you’d use.”
“I guess you should, playing like that!”
“Well, if you weren’t so damn distracting!”
Shindou blushed. “Distracting?”
“I mean, wearing yellow all the time… such a distracting color!” Touya sputtered.
Shindou frowned. “Well, we should do this another day when I’m wearing a different color, apparently.”
Shindou turned to leave and Touya started to reach for him, but felt the eyes on him and stopped. It was all playing out like the fic. The fight was different, but the actions were the same, and Touya struggled to come up with a way to get Shindou to stay, but he came up empty and watched Shindou walk out.
Damn.
He felt like he’d gone backwards somehow. Not only did he not find out if Shindou was interested in him, but he’d left early. Obviously, he’d have to try harder.
Problem was, he had no idea where to start.
Touya didn’t know what to do, so he checked on the community again - the place where it all started. There were new posts, but nothing too spectacular when he saw the author who’d written Hearts in Tsumego - go_no_ghost. Eagerly, he clicked the link.
It was short this time, not sexual but instead a love story. Shindou leaves the Go salon upset, but Touya follows him, stopping him with a hand on his arm, and after a brief exchange, Touya slips his hand into Shindou’s. The fic, or ‘drabble’ this time, ends with a silent, mutual understanding.
If only Touya had followed him out… Would it be enough?
It was too late for that now, though. He didn’t want to have to upset Shindou again to try it. He still couldn’t believe he’d told Shindou that his clothing was distracting. He scrolled through the couple of comments on the fic, declaring it sweet and perfect for them, and decided to leave an anonymous comment of his own.
‘You capture personalities quite well. It is almost as if you know them personally. I sincerely hope that in the end, these two find a way to get together in a way as lovely as you have written it.’
He hesitated, reading through it several times to make sure it didn’t scream ‘I’m Touya Akira!’ and finally hit the submit button. His comment was added to the others.
He couldn’t use what was in this fic, but reading it had given him an idea - what if he could modify something from a different one? In all of the fictional stories he’s read so far, he’d always eventually managed to get Shindou in the end. Maybe he could try something subtle?
He read through all of what the archive had for him and then looked elsewhere, finding that this thing called ‘fanfiction’ was not limited to the Dreamwidth website. There were literally thousands of fics out there, and he could hardly believe that Go Pros had that large of a following. Some of the fics were silly, crack, they were labeled - one even had them using cake filling for lube, which didn’t sound like it would work at all - but many of them were sweet, and it was well past dark before Touya was able to formulate any kind of plan.
He definitely wasn’t going to just grab Shindou and kiss him, as much as he would like to - it seemed both risky and something that he wasn’t sure he could will himself to just do. There were a lot of other things he wasn’t willing to do, either; in many of the fics he was a relentless stalker, or a lightweight drunk who would suddenly confess, and some even have him trying to make Shindou jealous by bringing other men around. None of those things were right for him.
He could, however, change how he dressed, just a little.
That’s how he found himself in a department store after his game the following day, at a complete loss. He didn’t want to change too drastically, but it had to be noticeable, too. The shop clerks eyed him curiously, looking over his perfectly tailored suit and wondering what he was doing there. It was awkward, but Touya was determined, and he willed himself to look around.
A t-shirt and jeans was one option, but he didn’t think it would be very sexy - unless it was on Shindou, but then, he managed to make everything seem sexy. He was just so comfortable in his own skin. Touya liked to think that he was comfortable, too, but only in certain clothes. The things he was looking at were just so very… not him.
Hidden back in a corner, though, he found something that just might work. Technically, it was a t-shirt, but it had a familiar argyle pattern printed on it. Perhaps he could be comfortable in that. He wasn’t sure just how adventurous he was willing to be, so he decided to stop there, purchasing the appropriate size and taking it home to change before he met up with Shindou. The grey went well with black, so he donned a fresh pair of black slacks and matching dress shoes and headed to the salon.
Shindou was already there for once, and he turned when he heard Touya approach, “Hey Touya, I actually made it on time-“ As his eyes landed on Touya, they widened slightly, and then he started to laugh.
“What?” Touya said defensively. He didn’t know what reaction he’d expected, but this was definitely not it. He could feel the tips of his ears turn pink.
“You talk about my clothes being distracting, but,” he had to pause as he was laughing too hard to continue, “you’re wearing a t-shirt… a t-shirt… with slacks and dress shoes! Are you serious?”
“Well, forgive me for not having your superior fashion sense,” Touya snapped. In the back of his mind, he noted that Shindou was wearing a muted blue instead of the yellow he often wore, which both warmed him and made him feel bad at the same time.
“Seriously, Touya, we cannot play with you wearing that. There’s no way I can concentrate.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” Touya said stiffly.
“Hey, don’t get upset. Why don’t we skip the game for now and go shopping? My treat. We can always play later.”
“I don’t know…” Touya started to say, but Shindou was smiling at him, his warm, callused fingers wrapping around his wrist and tugging lightly. What could he do but follow?
Touya had expected Shindou to let go once they got outside, but instead, Shindou moved swiftly, dragging Touya along with him, his grip firm but gentle on Touya’s wrist bones. Touya said nothing, his brain moving a thousand miles a minute with only one real, coherent thought staying consistent - I don’t want him to ever let go.
A few blocks down, Shindou ducked into a shop, Touya close behind, and once they came to a stop, Shindou’s fingers fell away so that he could poke at things and pick them up to look them over. Touya’s wrist tingled, the skin there warmer than the rest of him. He shivered.
“Are you cold? You should have at least brought a jacket,” Shindou said, picking one up and holding it against Touya. “No no, this is all wrong. Come on, let’s go to the back.” And then Shindou was dragging him again.
This went on for what felt like a long time, Touya’s heart fluttering each time Shindou touched him, until finally, Shindou felt they had enough to try on and led them to the dressing rooms.
Then Touya realized that Shindou intended to go inside the dressing room with him, and he thought he might die. “I’ll be alright by myself…”
“It’s no big deal, Touya. We’re both guys - it’s not like you have anything that I don’t. Besides, I have to see how the clothes fit, and with as much as you have to try on, it would be ridiculous to have you come out and show me each and every time.” Before Touya could protest further, Shindou pushed him into the dressing room and locked the door.
Touya willed himself not to think of all the fics that involved him, Shindou, and small, public places. At least it wasn’t a bathroom stall.
“Let’s start with shirts,” Shindou said, digging through the pile he’d dumped on the bench and pulling out a thin polo sweater.
Touya just stared at it.
Shindou grinned. “It won’t try itself on, Touya. You have to actually take off your shirt for this to work.”
“I know,” Touya replied defensively, his body warming as he moved to pull off the brand new t-shirt. He snatched the polo sweater out of Shindou’s hands and hastily shimmied into it, Shindou watching him all the time. “Well?”
Shindou stared at him critically, reaching out to tug at the fabric and smooth the collar. “Yeah, I like the way it clings. I can’t really be sure without seeing it with the right pants, though.” Again he dug through the clothes, pulling out a pair of tan cargo pants. “Try these.”
Touya fought the blush and his racing heart, and turned around to change. He quite suddenly wished he were wearing boxers instead of the briefs he had on, and he couldn’t even decide if he wanted Shindou to stare at his ass or not. The whole thing was just so embarrassing, and he hastily stepped into the cargo pants, pulling them up and closing the fly, making sure everything was in perfect order before turning around.
Shindou looked him over, nodding approvingly. “Yeah, I think it works well together. It’s different from what you normally wear, but not so much that it’s shocking. It’s sort of dress casual. What do you think?”
Touya turned to the side, looking in the full-length mirror. Shindou had a point; though Touya felt the sweater was a little too clingy, it did look like something he might wear while still giving off more of a casual air to it. “I like it,” he finally replied. “I had no idea you knew about this kind of dress. You always wear street clothes.”
Shindou snorted. “Just because I like my clothes a little baggy doesn’t mean I don’t know what looks good on other people. What I wear isn’t for you. This is much more your style. You wear it well.” Shindou was smiling again, and this time, Touya returned it. “So, uh, want to try some of the others?”
“Sure,” he said, and this time it was a little easier to change with Shindou there, even if he still turned around to change his pants. It took them almost an hour to try all of the different combinations, Shindou enthusiastically approving some and discarding others. By the end of it, they were both smiling and laughing, and as Touya changed back into his own clothes so they could make their purchase, he was overcome with the urge to kiss Shindou. They stared at each other for a moment, Touya taking in the soft curve of Shindou’s lips, the way his bleached bangs stuck to his eyebrows in places, the soft curve of his neck as it disappeared down into his shirt.
Shindou looked away first. “Ready?”
The moment passed, and Touya nodded, following Shindou out, wondering if he’d ever have the courage to do more than look.
Both Touya and Shindou were stacked with games and other Go commitments for the next few days, so Touya saved the new outfits (Shindou had insisted on paying, despite Touya’s objections that it was too much) for when they could meet up again. He checked the community every night, but it wasn’t until the night before their next game that go_no_ghost posted again.
Anxious to see what the author who started it all had put out this time, he made sure his door was locked and opened it up. He almost gasped when he saw what the subject matter was.
Fic Touya was staying the night at Shindou’s house, but he hadn’t brought spare clothing with him, so Shindou was making him try on his pajamas. It wasn’t quite the same as the other day, but it definitely struck a chord in him, and he read on eagerly.
In the fic, though, it turned out that the changing was interrupted when Shindou brought his hand up to Touya’s face, kissing him softly. Just as he suspected he might in real life, fic Touya wasted no time kissing back, threading his fingers through Shindou’s gelled hair. Shindou’s hands trailed up fic Touya’s already bare chest, and Touya could feel it, imagining the hands that had smoothed his shirt in the dressing room had been on his bare skin, instead. Before long, he found himself stroking his erection, and his attention divided itself between the scene in the fic and a brand new scene - one in which he had kissed Shindou that day in the dressing room; had run his fingers along the hem of his shirt and then up inside it to touch what he imagined was impossibly smooth skin beneath.
The Touya in the fic had his lips around Shindou’s cock, and in Touya’s head he modified it, kneeling on the dressing room floor, Shindou’s hands in his hair as he bit his lip, trying not to cry out but failing, whimpering softly as swirled his tongue over the head of his penis, pushing forward to take all of Shindou in his mouth, his nose pressing against the dark hair trailing down his abdomen. Fic Shindou and fantasy Shindou both came, Touya’s name on his lips, and while fic Touya was ready for more, the real Touya just couldn’t take it; couldn’t take the thought of Shindou pressed against the wall, his head thrown back, Touya’s name tumbling from his lips in ecstasy. Touya came hard, doubling over in his chair, panting as he coaxed the last little bit from his dick.
One of these days, he would get through one of go_no_ghost’s sex scenes without coming halfway through, but apparently, today was not that day.
“You’re wearing them!” Shindou said with a smile, motioning at Touya’s clothes.
“Yeah, I thought, since you bought me so many, the only way to pay you back was to actually wear them,” Touya said with a smirk.
“I hope that’s not the only reason you’re wearing them,” Shindou replied, but he was still smiling. “I was thinking, maybe we could do something today? Besides play Go, I mean.”
It was in Touya to object - they hadn’t played in quite some time - but instead, Touya cocked his head to the side. “What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know, anything. You could, uh, come over to my house? There’s this anime I’ve been watching, and I wouldn’t mind starting it over if you’re interested…” Shindou ducked his head, looking like he completely expected Touya to say no.
“We could do that. I mean, I’ve never watched anime before, but I’m willing to try it.”
The smile that blossomed on Shindou’s face made whatever came next worth it. “Great! I just know you’ll love it!”
Touya wasn’t sure about that, but he was sure that a day spent with Shindou was not a day wasted.
Several episodes into Fairy Tail, Touya started to see a pattern. Two of the main characters were rivals, and they were constantly fighting and arguing, even though it was obvious that they were friends.
During one particularly heated argument, the two were in each other’s faces, and Shindou laughed. “I feel like they should just kiss already and get it over with. Popcorn?” Shindou said, staring into the popcorn bowl he was holding out, resolutely not looking at Touya.
“Why do you say that?” Touya asked quietly, not sure if he should interpret that the way he initially had.
Shindou shrugged, looking back at Gray and Natsu arguing on the screen, his ears tinged pink. “I don’t know, I mean, it just kind of seems like they like each other, don’t you think?”
Rivals, who argued all the time but were really friends… seemed like they liked each other to Shindou? “Yes, I suppose it does.”
Shindou shot Touya a sharp look before looking back at the screen. “It’s just a thought.”
“No, I really do see it,” Touya said, his face feeling hot.
They shared another of those moments where they just looked at each other before Shindou shifted, stretching out his legs so that one of them just barely pressed against Touya’s. “Yeah. I can totally see it.”
Three hours later and a hastily made copy of the rest of Fairy Tail in his hands, Touya made his way home, almost sure that somehow, they had taken another step towards the them in go_no_ghost’s fanfiction.
Later, he would let himself think about how it had not only been rivals, but male rivals, but at the time, he was too busy remembering the feel of Shindou’s leg pressed against his to consider it.
He wasn’t going to see Shindou again for several days - there was a Go event in Hokkaido that Touya had opted out of because of an important match - so when go_no_ghost didn’t post again, Touya decided that maybe it was his turn to write something. First, though, he needed a screen name.
Several came to mind that he discarded immediately. Then an idea came that he just couldn’t pass up. Before he changed his mind, he typed it into the desired user name box, put in a password, and pressed enter. It turned out that 2_years_4_months wasn’t taken, and thus, his online persona was born. He made sure to keep all of his information private, and he didn’t write any incriminating evidence on his profile. His only interests were listed as go, Go Pro RPF, and AkiHika.
Then he set in to write.
Writing was harder than he’d imagined it would be. He knew what he wanted to say, but it took forever to say it, the blink of the cursor mocking him at every turn. It took him the full three days before Shindou’s return to finish it, and the night before their game, he posted the story of him and Shindou making out during a movie to the Go Pro RPF community.
Before he left for the salon, Touya checked his e-mail and was surprised to see a dozen comments on his story. One of which was from go_no_ghost.
‘I love this story. I think this could really happen - yeah, I can totally see it.’
Touya’s heart fell out of his chest. It was just a coincidence, right? A lot of people talked like Shindou. There was no reason to think this actually was him - besides, last he knew, Shindou wasn’t very good with computers outside of Netgo and comics. It couldn’t be him.
Touya sent off a polite reply thanking go_no_ghost, and was about to sign off when he noticed the friend request. He stared at it in his inbox - ‘go_no_ghost has added you to their circle’ before he shut down the computer, leaving it for when he got home.
Their game was intense, Touya matching Shindou stone for stone. It had been so long since they played that all of Touya’s emotions were caught up in every sharp pa-chi of his stones, and Shindou met him halfway, his play risky and edgy and so very alive, echoing the boy - no, man - he knew Shindou to be. It made his heart race and his hair stand on end right on into yose where their stones flowed back and forth in a passionate dance for territory. In the end, Touya managed to hold on to a half moku lead, but instead of arguing over the game like usual, they were both smiling, panting slightly from the sheer emotional exertion.
“It was a beautiful game,” Touya said softly.
“It was, wasn’t it?” Shindou replied, a note of wonder in his voice. “Hey, Touya… You wanna get out of here? Maybe go over to my place?”
No reason was given, and Touya felt his mouth go dry. “Yes.”
It had never taken so long to get to Shindou’s house. The train was crowded as usual, and as they clung to the handholds, Touya had to hold his breath each time the train lurched, sending Shindou swaying into him, the length of his body pressing against him in a way that was both sensual and torturous for Touya.
When they were finally at their stop, Shindou grabbed hold of Touya’s hand, pulling him through the crowd and onto the street, where he continued to drag Touya along. Touya squeezed Shindou’s hand in return, and took a deep breath, his heart threatening to explode out of his chest. “You don’t have to drag me, you know. If… If you want to hold my hand, I don’t mind.”
Shindou turned wide eyes to Touya, and for one, agonizing moment, Touya thought that maybe he’d misread the situation after all, but then Shindou smiled softly, threading their fingers together.
“Yeah, okay.” Then he just walked on, Touya by his side, both of their faces tinged with pink.
They didn’t speak again until they were safely behind Shindou’s closed door, and after a moment of just standing there staring at each other, Shindou ventured, “How long?”
“Probably since I met you,” Touya said softly. “But, and this is going to sound a bit strange, but… it was something I found on the internet that really made me realize it.”
Shindou grinned fit to crack his face. “Oh yeah? And what was that?”
Touya flushed. “There’s this… community dedicated to fictional stories about Go Pros. There was this story there…”
If possible, Shindou’s grin widened. “By go_no_ghost?”
Touya sputtered. “How did you know?”
Shindou laughed. “Just a hunch… 2_years_4_months.”
“What? I, oh god, you saw that?” Touya was pretty sure he was going to die. Faint, maybe.
“Why didn’t you accept my friend request?” Touya’s mouth fell open and Shindou reached out, pulling Touya to him.
“How did you know?” Touya said again, horribly embarrassed.
“It wasn’t so hard. You wrote about almost exactly what we did last time we hung out. That and how could I ever forget that you’d counted the time between our matches all those years ago? There can’t possibly be anyone else obsessed with two years and four months like you.” Shindou smiled fondly at him, and before Touya could reply, Shindou’s fingers slid across Touya’s cheek, drawing him in to capture Touya’s lips with his.
Shindou’s lips were warm and wet and soft against his, and as good as the fanfiction had been, it couldn’t compare to this feeling of closeness, to Shindou’s fluttering heartbeat beneath Touya’s fingers pressed against Shindou’s chest, to the feel of Shindou’s hand pressed against his cheek, go calluses scratching lightly against the soft skin there. It was just a kiss, just a pressing of lips, but it felt like so much more. This was the moment that would change every moment that followed, and yet it felt so natural; the natural progression of their rivalry turning into something more.
When they parted, Touya was breathless, his hand trailing down Shindou’s chest to wrap around him and pull him close, clutching at his back and he just stared into a soft sea of green. In that moment, he was struck by just how beautiful Shindou was, bleached bangs framing his face, his lips caught in a half grin. It was overwhelming, and as it washed over him, the words just tumbled from his mouth.
“I love you.”
Shindou’s face went through a myriad of emotions - shock, wonder, affection, happiness, before it finally settled on a soft glow. “I love you. I’ve loved you for so long…”
Then they were kissing again, and Touya wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life right there in Shindou’s arms. Touya didn’t know what he was doing, but he boldly forged ahead anyway, running his tongue along Shindou’s lower lip until he gasped, slipping his own tongue out to meet Touya’s before pressing their lips together again, tangling his tongue with Touya’s. It was sloppy and new and different, but Touya wouldn’t change it for the world, pulling at Shindou’s shirt to get to the skin hidden beneath.
It didn’t go quite as smoothly as it had in the fanfiction, but they got there slowly, exploring each other’s bodies before pulling off their shirts. Skin to skin, they kissed there in front of Shindou’s door until their straining erections pressed against each other’s hips became too much and Shindou moved them towards the bed, tripping over various things until finally, Shindou fell back onto his mattress, pulling Touya down with him.
With shaking fingers, Touya undid the button on Shindou’s jeans and pulled down the zipper, Shindou’s breath hitching when Touya’s long fingers grazed his erection. Touya licked his lips. “I want to… can I…”
“Anything,” Shindou said, breathless and wanting, his eyes never leaving Touya.
Carefully, Touya pulled off Shindou’s pants and underwear, gazing at Shindou’s hard penis as he freed it. Locking his eyes with Shindou’s, he wrapped his fingers around the base and took the head into his mouth. Shindou’s mouth dropped open and he began to pant as he watched Touya explore his dick with his mouth, licking tentatively and stroking him slowly as he inched more and more of his length between his lips. Touya flushed under the heat of that gaze, stroking him faster as he tried to maneuver his tongue, bobbing his head up and down until his lips bumped into his fingers again and again.
Shindou’s eyes closed slightly, but he managed to keep eye contact, soft noises escaping his lips until his whole body seized up, a flood of salty liquid filling Touya’s mouth, dripping down into his throat, and he swallowed around Shindou’s dick, making Shindou twitch beneath him.
Shindou breathed heavily for a moment before pulling Touya up for a deep kiss. “Touya,” he moaned, before reaching over to dig around in a drawer. “Lube,” he said simply, and Touya’s heart caught in his throat.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he felt compelled to say, but Shindou just smiled at him.
“Me either. But I think we can figure it out.” Shindou moved to undo Touya’s pants, and he could feel the unsteady shake in his hands.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
Shindou laughed. “There’s nothing I’ve ever wanted to do more. Unless you want to stop?” But the slight grin told Touya he already knew the answer to that. He shook his head for him anyway, and Shindou finished the job of removing Touya’s pants.
“Tell me if I do something wrong?” Touya asked, pouring lube over his fingers.
“Of course,” he replied, spreading his legs, his cock already half erect again.
He brushed his index finger against Shindou’s entrance, using circling motions to spread the lube there before slowly, slowly pressing the tip inside. Shindou flushed, gripping at the blanket beneath him, and Touya groaned. He’d never seen something so sexy.
He pushed his finger in and out of Shindou until it moved easily before inserting another, and then again, inserting a third. “Touya, Touya,” Shindou moaned, rocking against Touya’s fingers until Touya couldn’t take it anymore and he pulled them back, coating his own dick with lube before crawling on top of Shindou, pressing against his entrance, kissing him, biting at his lip, and then he was in, pushing deeper and deeper as Shindou’s nails bit into his shoulder blades, his legs wrapping around him and pulling him inside.
Panting and flushed and sweating, Touya looked down into Shindou’s eyes. “I love you,” he said again, because he could feel it encompassing him, taking over his very being, and he rolled his hips, a broken, “Tou… ya…” all that Shindou could say in reply.
Touya moved slowly, drunk on the feel of being inside Shindou, but it was his first time, and all too quickly he could feel it coiling in his gut, and he barely had time to say, “Shindou, I’m coming,” before all of his muscles tensed and he was crying out, his body jerking as his orgasm washed over him.
Shindou pulled their faces together, and as he regained control of his body again, he kissed Shindou hard, his hands moving over his body even in the wake of his orgasm. He wanted more, much more, to do it over and over again until their bodies couldn’t move and they passed out in the afterglow. Was this what it meant to be insatiable?
Shindou chuckled. “Relax, we can do it again. Give yourself a minute to breathe.”
Touya let himself roll to the side, wrapping his arms around Shindou. They lay like that for a few minutes, Touya’s face buried in Shindou’s hair, the sharp tang of hair care products filling his nose. Then, “I’m really glad you wrote those stories. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to realize how much I wanted this without them.”
“Hey, it was your story that made me realize you’d realized, so we’re even.”
Touya laughed. “I just thought I might as well try it.”
Touya could feel Shindou smile, and he turned in his arms, looking at him with a wicked grin. “Want to write one together?”
Waya stared at the screen, looked at Isumi, looked back at the screen. “You don’t think…”
“It could be,” Isumi said with a smirk.
“No way. It can’t be.” That didn’t stop him from commenting with ‘God guys, get a room!’ though.
This is also posted at DW, which you can find here. Comment wherever you want!