Astronomy Slash (No, Really)
Eulogy of a White Dwarf, Conveniently Given By the White Dwarf Himself (With Commentary From His Ever-Present Companion)
...Yeah. I wrote slashy Astronomy fanfiction. For a class. And the teacher liked it. There's two versions here because I flubbed the science in the first one, but if you squint, you'll see some White Dwarf/Companion Star slash. No, really. I'm getting points for this.
I blame sleep deprivation and my teacher, who said to write a story about the life of a star, and to be creative. So... I ACTUALLY wrote a story. Instead of the boring first person things everyone else wrote. Yeah... I have no idea what possessed me.
Eulogy of a White Dwarf, Conveniently Given By the White Dwarf Himself (With Commentary From His Ever-Present Companion)
The room is packed with stars, most of them glowing brightly, with a select few who looked a little worse for the ware, but were still dimly burning. A seasoned white dwarf steps out from behind a curtain, a mischievous smile on his face. He is accompanied by his companion, who is grinning bemusedly. "Hello, and welcome to my Eulogy!" Announces the white dwarf.
"It's not a Eulogy if you're not dead!" his companion chimes in merrily.
"Well, if I were dead, you'd be giving my eulogy, and God knows what you would say!"
His companion snorts. "As if I'd outlive you."
The white dwarf rolls his eyes before moving right along. "I think we can all agree that I'm not the brightest bulb in the box," at this, there are laughing jeers of agreement, "but I'm definitely one of the hottest." Cat calls are heard from some of the younger stars in the crowd, and the white dwarf grins. "Like many of you in the crowd today, I started out as just dust and gas floating around in the great unknown."
"How poetic," his companion says, rolling his eyes.
"Ahem, yes, just a cloud until the contraction came. I was pretty small at birth, and low and behold, I was a twin of a sort, since this guy formed along with me." The white dwarf points at his companion and smiles. "I was pretty jealous, since it seemed my twin was much larger than I was."
"That's what she said," came from the crowd, and his companion snickered.
"So there I was, fusing hydrogen at a slow and steady pace - I was in no hurry to burn up too quickly. My buddy here though, now he seemed to think life was a race. It wasn't long before he was a red giant. And what do you know, sweet guy that he is, he lent me some of his mass."
"I didn't loan it to you, you stole it with your gravity, remember?"
"Oh hush, it's kept you alive, hasn't it?"
"You turned me into a subgiant!"
"Details. Anyway, I've been through a lot. I've burned through all my hydrogen, which as you all know, made my core shrink."
"Sounds like someone has a size complex here," snickered his companion.
"Not true, since it made me just that much hotter." He smirks. "Then I started working on burning my hydrogen shell, and boom, I grew. I was a subgiant, baby!"
"Copycat," mumbled his companion.
The white dwarf continued as if he didn't hear him. "My core was nice and hot, so I started working on my helium. It's tasty stuff, but the stuff makes you shrink, even if my core got bigger." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and his companion sighed. "After I ran out of helium, I kind of panicked. I had to maintain nuclear fusion in my hydrogen AND my helium shells, and I'm embarrassed to say I kind of blew up to the size of a double shell burning red giant."
"Got some eating problems, huh?" comes from the crowd, and chuckles filled the room.
"My gravity was weak, and eventually I just let it go. Away went my outer layers and down I shrunk. They say my core is dead, but I ask you, do I look dead to you?"
"No, but you sure sound annoying," his companion chimed in.
"Who asked you?"
"You did."
"...I suppose I did. So here I am, still burning in the sky, supposedly dead, but, well, you know, no one knows when I'll die."
"Soon, I hope."
"Hope all you want, old man. You'll be dead long before I am."
"Thank God. Then maybe I'll get some peace!"
The white dwarf snorts. "Good luck with that. So everyone, drink and eat, and don't forget to toast to my memory!"
As the crowd begins to mingle, the white dwarf turns to his companion and says, "That went rather well, don't you think?"
"Sure, but maybe you should have been giving my Eulogy instead..."
"There will be time enough for that, my friend. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."
The two shared a smile, and the white dwarf went off to walk amongst the crowd.
The companion stood alone, and said to himself, "Me too, old friend. Me too. Unfortunately..." Watching his brother-in-arms, the companion began to die. "It's been a blast..."
Scientifically accurate version:
The room is packed with stars, most of them glowing brightly, with a select few who looked a little worse for the ware, but were still dimly burning. A seasoned white dwarf steps out from behind a curtain, a mischievous smile on his face. He is accompanied by his companion, who is grinning bemusedly. "Hello, and welcome to my Eulogy!" Announces the white dwarf.
"It's not a Eulogy if you're not dead!" his companion chimes in merrily.
"Well, if I were dead, you'd be giving my eulogy, and God knows what you would say!"
His companion snorts. "You don’t want to know.”
The white dwarf rolls his eyes before moving right along. "I think we can all agree that I'm not the brightest bulb in the box," at this, there are laughing jeers of agreement, "but I'm definitely one of the hottest." Cat calls are heard from some of the younger stars in the crowd, and the white dwarf grins. "Like many of you in the crowd today, I started out as just dust and gas floating around in the great unknown."
"How poetic," his companion says, rolling his eyes.
"Ahem, yes, just a cloud until the contraction came. I was pretty small at birth, and low and behold, I was a twin of a sort, since this guy formed along with me." The white dwarf points at his companion and smiles. "I was pretty jealous, since it seemed my twin was much larger than I was."
"That's what she said," came from the crowd, and his companion snickered.
"So there I was, fusing hydrogen at a slow and steady pace - I was in no hurry to burn up too quickly. My buddy here though, now he seemed to move at a snail’s pace.”
“I certainly was to tortoise in this race.”
“Hares are cuter.” He smirked. “Anyway, I've been through a lot. I've burned through all my hydrogen, which as you all know, made my core shrink."
"Sounds like someone has a size complex here," snickered his companion.
"Not true, since it made me just that much hotter." He smirks. "Then I started working on burning my hydrogen shell, and boom, I grew. I was a subgiant, baby!"
"Copycat," mumbled his companion.
The white dwarf continued as if he didn't hear him. "My core was nice and hot, so I started working on my helium. It's tasty stuff, but the stuff makes you shrink, even if my core got bigger." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and his companion sighed. "After I ran out of helium, I kind of panicked. I had to maintain nuclear fusion in my hydrogen AND my helium shells, and I'm embarrassed to say I kind of blew up to the size of a double shell burning red giant."
"Got some eating problems, huh?" comes from the crowd, and chuckles filled the room.
"My gravity was weak, and eventually I just let it go. Away went my outer layers and down I shrunk. They say my core is dead, but I ask you, do I look dead to you?"
"No, but you sure sound annoying," his companion chimed in.
"Who asked you?"
"You did."
"...I suppose I did. So here I am, still burning in the sky, supposedly dead, but, well, you know, no one knows when I'll die."
"Soon, I hope."
“Don’t listen to him. It’s actually thanks to him that I can be here tonight at all.”
“Thanks to my inevitable death, you mean.”
“I was technically dead,” he continued, “and what do you know, sweet guy that he is, he lent me some of his mass."
"I didn't loan it to you, you stole it with your gravity, remember?"
"Oh hush, you weren’t complaining when it happened."
“Temporary insanity, it was.”
The white dwarf snorts. "Sure it was. But thanks to my companion here, I get short bursts of life, where I shine brightly, much like tonight. So everyone, drink and eat, and don't forget to toast to my memory!"
As the crowd begins to mingle, the white dwarf turns to his companion and says, "That went rather well, don't you think?"
"Sure, but maybe you should have been giving my Eulogy instead..."
"There will be time enough for that, my friend. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."
The two shared a smile, and the white dwarf went off to walk amongst the crowd, making the most of his temporary revival.
The companion stood alone, and said to himself, "Me too, old friend. Me too. Unfortunately..." Watching his brother-in-arms, the companion began to die. "It's been a blast..."
...Yeah. I wrote slashy Astronomy fanfiction. For a class. And the teacher liked it. There's two versions here because I flubbed the science in the first one, but if you squint, you'll see some White Dwarf/Companion Star slash. No, really. I'm getting points for this.
I blame sleep deprivation and my teacher, who said to write a story about the life of a star, and to be creative. So... I ACTUALLY wrote a story. Instead of the boring first person things everyone else wrote. Yeah... I have no idea what possessed me.
Eulogy of a White Dwarf, Conveniently Given By the White Dwarf Himself (With Commentary From His Ever-Present Companion)
The room is packed with stars, most of them glowing brightly, with a select few who looked a little worse for the ware, but were still dimly burning. A seasoned white dwarf steps out from behind a curtain, a mischievous smile on his face. He is accompanied by his companion, who is grinning bemusedly. "Hello, and welcome to my Eulogy!" Announces the white dwarf.
"It's not a Eulogy if you're not dead!" his companion chimes in merrily.
"Well, if I were dead, you'd be giving my eulogy, and God knows what you would say!"
His companion snorts. "As if I'd outlive you."
The white dwarf rolls his eyes before moving right along. "I think we can all agree that I'm not the brightest bulb in the box," at this, there are laughing jeers of agreement, "but I'm definitely one of the hottest." Cat calls are heard from some of the younger stars in the crowd, and the white dwarf grins. "Like many of you in the crowd today, I started out as just dust and gas floating around in the great unknown."
"How poetic," his companion says, rolling his eyes.
"Ahem, yes, just a cloud until the contraction came. I was pretty small at birth, and low and behold, I was a twin of a sort, since this guy formed along with me." The white dwarf points at his companion and smiles. "I was pretty jealous, since it seemed my twin was much larger than I was."
"That's what she said," came from the crowd, and his companion snickered.
"So there I was, fusing hydrogen at a slow and steady pace - I was in no hurry to burn up too quickly. My buddy here though, now he seemed to think life was a race. It wasn't long before he was a red giant. And what do you know, sweet guy that he is, he lent me some of his mass."
"I didn't loan it to you, you stole it with your gravity, remember?"
"Oh hush, it's kept you alive, hasn't it?"
"You turned me into a subgiant!"
"Details. Anyway, I've been through a lot. I've burned through all my hydrogen, which as you all know, made my core shrink."
"Sounds like someone has a size complex here," snickered his companion.
"Not true, since it made me just that much hotter." He smirks. "Then I started working on burning my hydrogen shell, and boom, I grew. I was a subgiant, baby!"
"Copycat," mumbled his companion.
The white dwarf continued as if he didn't hear him. "My core was nice and hot, so I started working on my helium. It's tasty stuff, but the stuff makes you shrink, even if my core got bigger." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and his companion sighed. "After I ran out of helium, I kind of panicked. I had to maintain nuclear fusion in my hydrogen AND my helium shells, and I'm embarrassed to say I kind of blew up to the size of a double shell burning red giant."
"Got some eating problems, huh?" comes from the crowd, and chuckles filled the room.
"My gravity was weak, and eventually I just let it go. Away went my outer layers and down I shrunk. They say my core is dead, but I ask you, do I look dead to you?"
"No, but you sure sound annoying," his companion chimed in.
"Who asked you?"
"You did."
"...I suppose I did. So here I am, still burning in the sky, supposedly dead, but, well, you know, no one knows when I'll die."
"Soon, I hope."
"Hope all you want, old man. You'll be dead long before I am."
"Thank God. Then maybe I'll get some peace!"
The white dwarf snorts. "Good luck with that. So everyone, drink and eat, and don't forget to toast to my memory!"
As the crowd begins to mingle, the white dwarf turns to his companion and says, "That went rather well, don't you think?"
"Sure, but maybe you should have been giving my Eulogy instead..."
"There will be time enough for that, my friend. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."
The two shared a smile, and the white dwarf went off to walk amongst the crowd.
The companion stood alone, and said to himself, "Me too, old friend. Me too. Unfortunately..." Watching his brother-in-arms, the companion began to die. "It's been a blast..."
Scientifically accurate version:
The room is packed with stars, most of them glowing brightly, with a select few who looked a little worse for the ware, but were still dimly burning. A seasoned white dwarf steps out from behind a curtain, a mischievous smile on his face. He is accompanied by his companion, who is grinning bemusedly. "Hello, and welcome to my Eulogy!" Announces the white dwarf.
"It's not a Eulogy if you're not dead!" his companion chimes in merrily.
"Well, if I were dead, you'd be giving my eulogy, and God knows what you would say!"
His companion snorts. "You don’t want to know.”
The white dwarf rolls his eyes before moving right along. "I think we can all agree that I'm not the brightest bulb in the box," at this, there are laughing jeers of agreement, "but I'm definitely one of the hottest." Cat calls are heard from some of the younger stars in the crowd, and the white dwarf grins. "Like many of you in the crowd today, I started out as just dust and gas floating around in the great unknown."
"How poetic," his companion says, rolling his eyes.
"Ahem, yes, just a cloud until the contraction came. I was pretty small at birth, and low and behold, I was a twin of a sort, since this guy formed along with me." The white dwarf points at his companion and smiles. "I was pretty jealous, since it seemed my twin was much larger than I was."
"That's what she said," came from the crowd, and his companion snickered.
"So there I was, fusing hydrogen at a slow and steady pace - I was in no hurry to burn up too quickly. My buddy here though, now he seemed to move at a snail’s pace.”
“I certainly was to tortoise in this race.”
“Hares are cuter.” He smirked. “Anyway, I've been through a lot. I've burned through all my hydrogen, which as you all know, made my core shrink."
"Sounds like someone has a size complex here," snickered his companion.
"Not true, since it made me just that much hotter." He smirks. "Then I started working on burning my hydrogen shell, and boom, I grew. I was a subgiant, baby!"
"Copycat," mumbled his companion.
The white dwarf continued as if he didn't hear him. "My core was nice and hot, so I started working on my helium. It's tasty stuff, but the stuff makes you shrink, even if my core got bigger." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and his companion sighed. "After I ran out of helium, I kind of panicked. I had to maintain nuclear fusion in my hydrogen AND my helium shells, and I'm embarrassed to say I kind of blew up to the size of a double shell burning red giant."
"Got some eating problems, huh?" comes from the crowd, and chuckles filled the room.
"My gravity was weak, and eventually I just let it go. Away went my outer layers and down I shrunk. They say my core is dead, but I ask you, do I look dead to you?"
"No, but you sure sound annoying," his companion chimed in.
"Who asked you?"
"You did."
"...I suppose I did. So here I am, still burning in the sky, supposedly dead, but, well, you know, no one knows when I'll die."
"Soon, I hope."
“Don’t listen to him. It’s actually thanks to him that I can be here tonight at all.”
“Thanks to my inevitable death, you mean.”
“I was technically dead,” he continued, “and what do you know, sweet guy that he is, he lent me some of his mass."
"I didn't loan it to you, you stole it with your gravity, remember?"
"Oh hush, you weren’t complaining when it happened."
“Temporary insanity, it was.”
The white dwarf snorts. "Sure it was. But thanks to my companion here, I get short bursts of life, where I shine brightly, much like tonight. So everyone, drink and eat, and don't forget to toast to my memory!"
As the crowd begins to mingle, the white dwarf turns to his companion and says, "That went rather well, don't you think?"
"Sure, but maybe you should have been giving my Eulogy instead..."
"There will be time enough for that, my friend. I'm not ready to let you go just yet."
The two shared a smile, and the white dwarf went off to walk amongst the crowd, making the most of his temporary revival.
The companion stood alone, and said to himself, "Me too, old friend. Me too. Unfortunately..." Watching his brother-in-arms, the companion began to die. "It's been a blast..."