Backyard Camping

[hosticle_fifer]

Me: Kids, let's try out our new tent to practice for our camping trip in a week!
Kids: Yay, we'll jump on you until midnight, because tent camping means you're a 24-hour jungle gym under a tarp!
Me: OK
Nature: Hay guise let's have it be mega humid and soupy and shitty tonight.
Me: Aw man
Nature: But we'll fix it at one in the morning!
Me: Yay!
Nature: With violent winds and thunderstorms!
Me: Plz don't
Nature: Oooooh, who didn't think one was coming and didn't stake the fly down? WHEEEEEE
Me: :((((
Kids: Zzzzz
Tent: WACKY WAVING INFLATABLE ARM-FLAILING TUBE TENT
Me: Veronica, wake up and get in the house
Veronica: OK
Me: Danny, wake up and get in the house!
Danny: Zzzz
Me: Danny!
Danny: Zzzz
Me: DANNY! RIGHT NOW!!
Danny: (sits up, tent is currently slapboxing him)
Me: DANNY
Danny: *dial tone* (tent is imploding around him)
Me: DANNY I'M SRS
Danny: *contemplates foot*
Tent: WIZARD OF OZZZZZZ
Me: DANNY COME ON RIGHT NOW
Danny: *comatose slug*
Me: *physically grabs Danny and pulls him out of fiery rends cracking open in the earth's crust*
Me: Jess, can you set the kids up in bed while I go rescue our stuff?
Jess: Zzzzz
Me: JESS
Jess: *dial tone*

Etc, tent stakes bending over in the dark, soaked pajamas, and so forth

~~~le fin~~~