now it is my turn to rant
i had a friend tell me today that i have accomplished more than most people my age, but does that mean i have it easier or that i have it harder. most of the time it seems that i have it harder. cause i feel like i have no life at all. that all these sacrifices that i have made take more away. for the sheer fact of keeping my child at a young age instead of giving him away meant that i no longer could have a social life. even though i decided to quit school to get a better job, which meant less time away from home. i wish there could be one day that i come home and don't argue with my son. that we don't scream at each other till we are blue in the face. yes i have bought a house, that i really can't enjoy, but each month see myself broke from paying bills. and the scaredness that if something goes wrong I'M the one who has to fix it.
everyday i wish for a little bit of happiness in some form. right now i'm going through the whole thing of brandon is trying to get an apartment with some friends. and i totally understand why he wants to do it. what scares me is that if he can't talk to me for a whole weekend when his friends are visiting was does that say if he moves in with them.
sometimes i wonder what it's like to wake up without any paranoia. to get out of bed and say today is going to be an okay day. i'm sure i need help and i'm sure i need medication, but unfortunately that costs money. i already fork out forty dollars a month for brennan's medication. and due to that choice i have to deal with crying all the time, having panic attacks, not sleeping much and still trying to function normally day in and day out, cause i have too many people counting on ME.
maybe it's the rain, maybe it's PMS, maybe it's the fact that i get bombs dropped on me (oh by the way i need you to do this, thanks)
i wish i wasn't a crab, i wish i didn't hide in my shell every time something came up,
ok i think i am done ranting for now, even though i have so much more to say and just don't know how to say it
everyday i wish for a little bit of happiness in some form. right now i'm going through the whole thing of brandon is trying to get an apartment with some friends. and i totally understand why he wants to do it. what scares me is that if he can't talk to me for a whole weekend when his friends are visiting was does that say if he moves in with them.
sometimes i wonder what it's like to wake up without any paranoia. to get out of bed and say today is going to be an okay day. i'm sure i need help and i'm sure i need medication, but unfortunately that costs money. i already fork out forty dollars a month for brennan's medication. and due to that choice i have to deal with crying all the time, having panic attacks, not sleeping much and still trying to function normally day in and day out, cause i have too many people counting on ME.
maybe it's the rain, maybe it's PMS, maybe it's the fact that i get bombs dropped on me (oh by the way i need you to do this, thanks)
i wish i wasn't a crab, i wish i didn't hide in my shell every time something came up,
ok i think i am done ranting for now, even though i have so much more to say and just don't know how to say it