[Fanfic] And All That Jazz 10.5 and 11/?
Title: And All That Jazz
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England
Rating: G
Warnings: Fluff, pure and simple
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.
( Read more... )
Pairings: Alfred (US)/ Arthur (UK)
Characters: America and England
Rating: G
Warnings: Fluff, pure and simple
Summary: Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected.
( Read more... )
While Alfred's father continued to yell, I lightly pushed Alfred aside. He looked at me with panic across his face, but I shook my head. I remained calm. If this man harmed me, I knew Alfred was there. He would protect me.
This part is kind of irresponsible to me. Alfred is quite terrified of what will happen if his father is to break into the room. While of course, he would do everything to protect Arthur. The fact that Arthur think "He would protect me." was really... Selfish and uncaring? It sounds like in the end, he would still be hiding behind Alfred, in my opinion.
I expected the worst with Alfred's father. It surprised me how he would go "You're not half bad". Is it because he is aware of the law himself thus being a wise-ass and not pushing it? Since he's pretty drunk already, I was expecting him to "not give a damn, don't fucking give me that attitude I can beat up your sorry British arse anytime" sort of xD
Now I'm interested in what Gilbert got in mind, hurr =u= Drama~ Jealousy~ Well, if Gilbert truly is interested in Arthur, I would love to see what reason it would be. Whether it is true "love" or just "because he seem to be interesting" and just playing around =n=
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As for Alfred's father, there is a very good reason why he treats only Alfred so horribly. He was harsh to Arthur at first because, yes, he was drunk, but then the law came down on him and the fact that Arthur wasn't reacting the way he's used to (violence), so he backed off.
As for Gil, his intentions won't be clear for quite awhile.
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"I remained calm. I won't let anyone harm Alfred anymore, I'll protect him just the way Alfred protected me. Alfred is here by my side, we can do this together."
... Or some sort -Is not a writer- While of course it makes more clear after your explanation, it may not come out that well in the fic itself and therefore you got me here commenting about it x3;;
I told you I critique and ramble a lot OTL
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Well if it's not clear then I'll have to improve later on. As it is, I won't go back and change it. It's too much work. But it also works because while Arthur may think he's pretty secure in his love for Alfred, he's not. I've been hinting at it through-out the series at how Arthur's lying to himself about many things.
Either way, thanks. I'll tighten up my writing come next chapter. And give you smut so you'll be happier. ;3
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-Sits back and sip her tea- Well, I shall look forward to the smut part.
Then, I can't believe myself, how much I read yet I can't write anything myself OTL -Fails-
Anyway, in your case, it is also extra challenge because you're writing in first POV. It -is- much more easier to write in third POV, probably the easiest. Wellp, I'm here to help and want to help you =3
To tell the truth, I'm not fan of first POV fic at all. Though, I can't explain the reason why I stick to this fic. Most of the time when I see first POV, I close the window right away.
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Why are people so against first person? It's fine! I feel it gets you just that much closer to a character. It surprises me.
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I think because of the plot why I stick with your fic.
As for why I dislike first person, is because most of the time it fails horribly. At the same time it also give me a vibe of "self-insert" which I do not approve at all xD;;
Also, the excessive use of "I" could be really really annoying. Well, of course there is a way to pull it off =)
I'm not sure if I understand the part of "closer to the character". In my opinion, you can be close to the character as well when writing in third person. Because you can also slip into and focus on one character. You're automatically close to the character already as you write and plan out how they would react.
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I do enjoy your fic, else I wouldn't had commented at all =u= I like the plot and the development and itching to see what Gilbert got up his tail ono
Maybe I took you a bit too seriously when I saw you wanted to become professional >n<;; I'm sorry!
Everyone got their own writing style. Maybe my subconscious merely doesn't approve and demand the other way instead. I'm just giving my opinion, you don't have to listen to them of course if it clashes against your style.
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Anyways, all in all, I write for me. Yes, I want my readers to be happy, but how and what I write ultimately depends on whether or not I like how it sounds and reads and feels. My chapters undergo two hours of me critically rereading and editing it to bits. These two chapters didn't because...they just didn't. That aside, I still cleaned the fuck out of them and I chose to update with what I felt was the best.
I'll continue to do so even with your critic. I'm glad you're leaving me comments. Really, I am. <3
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