montauk, #24, christmas, family, graduation
Christmas was really wonderful and not stressful at all this year, despite nearly everyone getting sick, woops! At least I am finally starting to feel better, I may not even have to medicate myself tomorrow, golly gee.
I am back in Mansfield for tonight and tomorrow. I came this morning to go to work at 9, worked until like 1:30 and then came back here and made chili and read my book and just hung out. It's completely weird to me how #24 is my home. Like...I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness to just be chilling on our couch eating my chili. It felt like coming home after being on vacation (which I guess I was?). One reason I love the apartment with my entire heart is that is only gives. Because it is technically on campus housing, I don't pay monthly rent (well I do, but in loans). I "don't" pay for internet, cable, utilities. I have no reason to resent my apartment, instead I want to wrap my arms around it every day when I come home. I am so happy here. I never want it to end and it scares me that in less than five months it will be over. We will have to pack up our entire apartment. Grace, Leah, and Jen will walk and graduate. We will all go our own ways. I will once again load and unload all of my belongings into my parents house. And then what? I wish I knew.
I don't even know what I will be doing over the summer, let alone where I will live and who I will live with next year, how far away Ryan will be, what graduate research I will do. I am overwhelmed by the uncertainty. And for now I hide out in my apartment and walk through the woods of Moss Sanctuary and pretend like time isn't passing.
Today when I changed out of my work clothes I dug out a t-shirt I don't wear too often except as a dumbo shirt. I put it on and realized it smelled like Montauk (sunscreen) and that was probably the last time I had worn it. It smelled so good like ocean, sunscreen, salt, summer, I actually took it back off and buried my face into the fabric. Digging my toes into the sand at Hither Hills seems so far away.
I am back in Mansfield for tonight and tomorrow. I came this morning to go to work at 9, worked until like 1:30 and then came back here and made chili and read my book and just hung out. It's completely weird to me how #24 is my home. Like...I was overwhelmed with joy and happiness to just be chilling on our couch eating my chili. It felt like coming home after being on vacation (which I guess I was?). One reason I love the apartment with my entire heart is that is only gives. Because it is technically on campus housing, I don't pay monthly rent (well I do, but in loans). I "don't" pay for internet, cable, utilities. I have no reason to resent my apartment, instead I want to wrap my arms around it every day when I come home. I am so happy here. I never want it to end and it scares me that in less than five months it will be over. We will have to pack up our entire apartment. Grace, Leah, and Jen will walk and graduate. We will all go our own ways. I will once again load and unload all of my belongings into my parents house. And then what? I wish I knew.
I don't even know what I will be doing over the summer, let alone where I will live and who I will live with next year, how far away Ryan will be, what graduate research I will do. I am overwhelmed by the uncertainty. And for now I hide out in my apartment and walk through the woods of Moss Sanctuary and pretend like time isn't passing.
Today when I changed out of my work clothes I dug out a t-shirt I don't wear too often except as a dumbo shirt. I put it on and realized it smelled like Montauk (sunscreen) and that was probably the last time I had worn it. It smelled so good like ocean, sunscreen, salt, summer, I actually took it back off and buried my face into the fabric. Digging my toes into the sand at Hither Hills seems so far away.