The Testimony of the Parrot
Title: The Testimony of the Parrot
Fandom: TVXQ/f(x)/Super Junior
Characters: Changmin/Victoria/Kyuhyun
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7,000
Summary: Changmin doesn't like his best friend's wife at first, but tragedy brings them closer together. Only a little too close.
Chang-min hissed through his teeth as rain drops stained his new leather shoes. He stomped the water out as he marched down the street, furiously struggling with his umbrella which had become bungled in the wind. It seemed a wretched day for a joyous occasion. Today he was meeting his best friend who had only just returned from a six month work placement in Beijing. It should have been a happy occasion, and Chang-min should have been looking forward to it, but he couldn't shake the sense of frustration he felt when he read his friend's last message.
Dear Chang-min, it read, my dearest friend in the whole world. (Immediately Chang-min was suspicious by this qualification, since when did Kyu-hyun sound so openly affectionate?) I'll be getting into town around noon and I want you to meet me at the old library. I'll be bringing my fiancée, so look forward to meeting her.
Chang-min calculated that he would end up a bit late to the rendezvous, and this suited him, since he didn't want to be too early, lest he end up standing there like a lonely fool. He partly wished that he had a fiancée or girlfriend of his own that he could bring along, so he wouldn't feel like a third wheel. And this was the heart of Chang-min's frustration: Kyu-hyun had a fiancée! They had always been the famous pair, an inseparable two-for-one deal. Girlfriends would come and go and this never bothered Chang-min. But a fiancée, a fiancée was final. It didn't seem right to him that Kyu-hyun was getting married already. Sure, they had been in the workforce for a few years, but they were still young, weren't they? Marriage meant growing up, and Chang-min didn't feel like they were ready for that yet.
What about the time spent staying up all night debating crazy theories, going down town and getting so drunk that they would forget their names but still be able to crawl to work the next morning? That was the stuff of legends, and now, it seemed, the stuff of the past.
Chang-min stood alone on the steps of the old library. His friend was late. He struggled to close his bungled umbrella and swore as it snapped out of shape again.
"Chang-min!"
He turned around to see his friend and the girl. The girl was looking at him with a crooked smile, and he realised that he had probably just sworn out loud in her presence. He almost wanted to swear again.
"Nice weather," Kyu-hyun added, ever the sarcastic one.
"Isn't it just," replied Chang-min through gritted teeth. He finally gave up on the umbrella and let it fold into a mess.
"Don't worry about it," Kyu-hyun said, gesturing towards the umbrella. "You won't need it. Victoria wants to sit down somewhere, so we'll go to the coffee shop around the corner. Don't look so grumpy. You always said you liked the rain."
Chang-min could do nothing but nod stupidly. He followed them to the coffee shop.
"I have to introduce you two formally now," Kyuhyun said, smiling proudly when they sat down. "Victoria meet Chang-min. Chang-min, Victoria."
"Hello, Chang-min, how do you do?" Victoria said with good pronunciation. Chang-min had expected that her Korean would be poor, on account of her being Chinese. But alas no, she was perfect. She smiled at him with bright eyes and perfect straight teeth.
"Wow, your pronunciation is very good."
"She spent some time in Korea already. She's perfectly fluent," Kyu-hyun explained.
Of course, Chang-min thought.
"She can speak Korean and I'm quite good at Chinese, so we are perfectly suited."
Victoria rolled her eyes at him, but stayed smiling. "He's okay," she said.
"Well, still better than me, I can't speak any Chinese," Chang-min said. He meant it to sound lighthearted, but it came out sounding a bit dejected.
Kyu-hyun continued to ramble on about his time in China, talking about some of the places he went to, and every so often he would address Victoria and say, "Do you remember that? Is that what happened?" and she would join in telling the story. It was like these two people were sharing something of their own world and Chang-min was an outsider. He listened politely.
When they were leaving, Kyu-hyun excused himself for a moment and Chang-min and Victoria stood alone together outside the coffee shop. The rain had stopped now, and yellow sunlight was reflecting off the wet pavement. It seemed to sparkle in Victoria's eyes.
"I'm a year older than you," Victoria said to him as they waited. "Is it okay if I speak to you informally?"
"Of course it is," he replied, but what else could be say.
"So what do you think of her?" Kyu-hyun asked him later over the phone.
"She's cute," Chang-min replied. He added a tone of condescension to the word cute, as if to imply that being cute was not something he thought highly of. Of course Chang-min always proclaimed to like cute girls the best, so his attempt to be dismissive was a hollow one. "What does your family think of her? Are they okay with her being..."
"Chinese? To be honest, I don't know, but I guess they'll just have to like her. She's perfect isn't she? I mean, she has the beauty and the brains, and she can cook and she's kind, and really, what else is there?"
"How the hell did she end up with you?"
"I know, I keep asking myself the same question."
Chang-min had only made the comment as a joke. He knew that Kyu-hyun always got what he wanted. He was the sort of person to succeed in life without appearing to lift a finger. Chang-min had always rather admired that aspect of his friend.
In the following few weeks Chang-min did not see Victoria very often. He would purposely arrange to meet with Kyu-hyun whenever she was not present, so that at least for a little while he could pretend that things were like old times, just the two of them. After the wedding there would be plenty of time to spend with Victoria, so he did not think of it as being selfish at all.
However, things were not like old times, and Chang-min began to realise that they would probably never go back to the way they were before. Conversations seemed to revolve around more mature topics, work and mortgages, and Kyu-hyun made excuses to go home early. He even told Chang-min that he was giving up drinking on weeknights, and in a solemn voice said that he was about to become a proper family man.
It was a familiar old tale, Chang-min thought to himself as he walked home grumpily. Two best friends should be separated by a woman. Damn her pretty eyes, her pretty smile!
Chang-min saw Victoria one Sunday morning out of the blue. He was about to take his morning run when she rolled up outside his apartment, on a bicycle wearing sunglasses and short shorts. He couldn't help but notice the geometrically appealing curve of her leg. She stepped off the bike and called hello to him, and he was embarrassed that he had been caught staring. It wasn't very often that he saw her, and when he did it was always with Kyu-hyun and they rarely spoke to each other directly. He considered making an excuse to get away from her, but by the time he collected his thoughts she was already talking to him.
"Hello, how are you this morning?"
"Ah, fine thank you. And please, don't address me formally. We already agreed that we can be informal with each other, didn't we?"
Victoria smiled, but there was a hint of a sigh. "Very well then. Ah, maybe I shouldn't say this. I can't help but feel that you and I are a bit awkward still."
Chang-min was taken by surprise. She was right, but how could she say it so directly? He could do nothing but deny it now.
"No, no, I just don't know you very well yet."
"I brought you a cake." She smiled a little sheepishly as she took a box from the basket of her bicycle. "People say I make it pretty well, so I hope you like it. I thought it could be something of a peace offering? No, a friendship gift. I would like for us to be friends." She took her glasses off so there was no escaping her eyes. "I don't know a lot of people here yet, so I hoped that I could count on you as a friendly face..."
"Of course, of course," Chang-min spluttered. Now she was making him feel like a bad person. "We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other in the future."
"Anyway, I better be going now. I hope you enjoy the cake."
"Right, thank you!" he responded awkwardly as she mounted her bicycle. He blushed slightly as he was confronted once again by the sight of her pretty backside, and he stood there holding the cake for a few moments after she had left, watching as she disappeared down the street.
One Year Later.
Chang-min met Victoria in the hospital waiting room. She must have been there for at least three hours and she looked as if she hadn't slept for days. In fact she looked like someone who would probably never sleep again. It was a difficult sight to bear. Her pretty face looked both wild and tired.
"I'm glad you're here," she said quietly, and her eyes flitted from him to the ground.
"How long have you been here?" he asked. "Have you been sitting out here by yourself?"
She nodded. He didn't ask her why, but she started to answer anyway. "I'd rather not go in. The family are here now..."
Chang-min breathed deeply. It was hard for him too, but he pushed all his personal worries and sadness to the back of his mind. There was no use in showing weakness now. He had not quite learned how to accept Victoria yet, but that was now a trivial detail in the great scheme of things.
"I can wait here with you if you like," he said, and sat down next to her.
She didn't say anything; it was as if she hadn't heard him at all. After a moment of silence, she replied, "Yes, you and I should stick together."
Chang-min didn't really know what else to say. He didn't want to mention anything about what had happened, the accident, what the doctors had been saying. Avoiding the topic altogether seemed like the best option, but nothing else could be appropriate to talk about at a time like this. If only they weren't so awkward with each other!
"Can we go outside for a bit?" Victoria bit her lip as she looked sideways at him. He nodded quickly.
"Okay, fresh air sounds good."
They stood up together and made their way to the exit. Victoria pulled her thin cardigan tighter around her chest. They walked slowly, side by side, but not touching. Outside on the pavement, it was dark save for the light of the crescent moon which hung low in the sky. Some people were smoking quietly by the gate.
"It's cowardly, isn't it?" Victoria said suddenly. "I'm avoiding my in-laws even at time like this."
"What else can you do?" Chang-min said. He stared helplessly at the moon. "There's nothing much you can do to help anyway."
"Yes, but I'm his wife! Shouldn't that mean something? Even if he stays unconscious he should have his wife by his side. But then again... we've only been married for a year. Perhaps you should be the one by his side, you've known him longer than I have. The family likes you well, too." She bit her lip and then quickly added, "I'm sorry I don't mean to sound bitter. That came out wrong."
Chang-min felt his heart soften a little. "Who knows what's right or wrong? It's not like this has ever happened before."
They fell silent for a bit and Victoria rocked back and forth on her heels. "You know I've only just come to realise how much I've given up. My old friends, my old home, my old life... I started everything again and up until I had no regrets and I've never been happier. Chang-min, what if he dies?"
"Don't mention it," Chang-min said. "Right now we have to be optimistic. Doctors say chance of survival is about 50 per cent."
"The toss of a coin..."
"But it's still early. We'll know more tomorrow and the longer he pulls through, the better his chances get."
Victoria nodded. "I guess when you put it like that..." She held onto her arms tightly and looked up at the black sky. She was trembling.
They returned to the waiting room and sat side by side on the bench. There was no conversation and Chang-min occupied himself by staring at the carpet. As his eyes traced the diagonal patterns his mind went to Kyu-hyun and seemed to follow through every moment they had ever spent together, like a video playing back old footage in fast forward. As Victoria would be lost without Kyu-hyun, so would he. They had been best friends for so long that Chang-min couldn't imagine what life would be like without him. Not only could he not imagine it, he refused to imagine it. No, Kyu-hyun must pull through! He was a plucky fellow, and he managed to get himself out of trouble in the past. Surely a car accident would not be the end of him.
"He's going to be alright, I can feel it."
Victoria turned to look at him and she smiled. "I'm glad you're here, it makes a great difference." She titled her head to rest on his shoulder and she sighed, both with exhaustion and relief. They stayed that way for a long time, until at last the weight of her head suggested that she had fallen asleep.
Chang-min himself did not sleep. He waited until dawn with Victoria resting by his side.
One month later.
It was a pleasant day in the middle of spring and Chang-min shielded his eyes from the sun. He was waiting in the driver's seat of his car, parked on the side of the road, and he could see Victoria close the front door and skip down the front steps of the property. She climbed into the passenger's side with a big smile on her face.
"I have a good feeling about today," she said to him, her voice gentle like she was telling him a secret. It was just the two of them there, and it felt like they had a little conspiracy. In a way, they did. They were planning a surprise for Kyu-hyun, a get-well present of sorts.
"He's been miserable lately," she explained.
"I think I would be too if I was in his state."
"I know, I know, but I have to keep thinking of ways to try and cheer him up. I suggested that he should try to get some air, but he's so reluctant to leave his room. He just stays inside all day long..."
"Well, to be fair, Kyu-hyun's never been fond of the great outdoors."
Victoria laughed. "That's true. But it's different now. You can tell it's affected him, and not just physically. He's sad about the fact that he can't do things easily anymore, he feels useless. It hurts me to watch him like this, I wish I could do more about it." She sighed and looked out of the passenger window. "I think we should get him a pet. Something small and not too difficult to look after, but something that would cheer him up."
Chang-min clicked his tongue. "I don't know, Kyu-hyun's never been a big animal person. But I guess it's worth a shot, as long as you know that you'll probably be the one who ends up looking after it."
Victoria laughed and clapped her hands. "I don't mind! Taking care of a small animal would be no trouble compared to taking care of a sick husband."
They drove into the city centre and looked for the pet shop. The shop was small and quaint, with little on display to see. Chang-min looked down at a pair of hamsters crawling around in an enclosure and felt indifferent to them.
"They're quite cute," Victoria said.
"But boring. These guys just run around in circles all day, it would get tiring to look at."
"But what else is there? There's not much to choose from. How should we do it?"
"Eotteoke!" A sudden shriek took them both by surprise. They turned to see a scarlet parrot in a tall cage, cocking its head to one side. The parrot whistled and cried "Eotteoke!" Victoria and Chang-min turned each other with matching facial expressions and burst into laughter.
"Well, you, you are quite the character, aren't you? What's your name?" Victoria cooed at the parrot. She turned to Chang-min. "He'll like this, won't he?"
"Yes, most likely. He'll teach it bad words."
The shopkeeper came over and tapped on the cage. Victoria asked him: "How much is it? Is it a good parrot, does it talk a lot?"
The shopkeeper shrugged. "All it seems to say is eotteoke. He's a little noisy at times. How about I give you a special discount just for today? Ten per cent off."
Victoria was pleased and they took the parrot. The shopkeeper smiled fondly on them. "I suppose you will look after it well," he said to Chang-min. "Your wife seems very fond of it." Chang-min was slightly embarrassed by the shopkeeper's mistake, but since Victoria was out of earshot he didn't bother correcting it.
They carried the bird out in a small cage put it down on a bench where they could both sit and talk to it.
"Hello, little parrot, what should we call you?"
"How old are you, what do you like to eat?"
"Do you have any interesting stories to tell?"
They continued to throw little pieces of conversation at the parrot, but it never replied with more than a curious tilt of the head.
"He's a funny little guy," Chang-min mused. "Let's see what Kyu-hyun thinks of him. We should let him choose a name for it."
They walked back to the car, bird in tow. "I was right about today," Victoria said. "Things turned out well."
Chang-min wanted to add that he was regretful that they had found the parrot so easily, and that he wished they could have spent more time in town looking for something, but he was too embarrassed to say it out loud. Besides, it probably wouldn't sound right and there was no reason to ruin their good day.
"I guess I better take you home now."
Victoria's eyes lit up with excitement. "I can't wait until he sees it. Just imagine what he'll say."
Chang-min imagined that Kyu-hyun would probably say something sarcastic. He hoped that Victoria wouldn't be too injured by this; Kyu-hyun was never very good at outright showing his feelings. But even if Kyu-hyun didn't like the gift, he fancied that the parrot could at least be something to commemorate their day together. He inwardly frowned. This thought disturbed him and he tried to shake it out of his head on the way home.
The room was dark when Chang-min first entered it, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. There was a large window on the east side of the room, but the curtains had been drawn. Kyu-hyun was leaning over some cabinet, fiddling with something that Chang-min couldn't see.
"Do you need the light on?" Chang-min asked him and his voice seemed to echo when Kyu-hyun didn't reply.
Kyu-hyun continued with his task, oblivious to Chang-min's presence. At last he said, "I'm used to it, it's okay now."
"What are you doing?"
"Ah, the usual. Just packing up my computer. I knew you were coming over so I put it away, but I'm usually always on it."
"Sorry if I interrupted you."
Kyu-hyun stared at Chang-min with half-open eyes. "I hope that was meant sarcastically."
Chang-min chuckled halfheartedly. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time you've put computer games before human interaction."
"But I'm like this now everyday. Everyday, Chang-min. Everyday."
Chang-min searched Kyu-hyun's face for any trace of humour, but there was none. He sighed. "What should we do then?"
"Let's go to the living room. You don't want to stay here, it's too dark."
As Chang-min was about to leave, he turned to see if Kyu-hyun was following. Kyu-hyun was struggling with the wheelchair, so he went over to help him. "Shall I push you?" he said in a singing voice, and Kyu-hyun mumbled in reply. Chang-min thought he would be comical if he wasn't so sad.
In the living room a chessboard had been set up on the coffee table. "Now you're here, we can play some chess."
"I didn't know you liked chess."
"I don't really, but now that you're here, we might as well play some."
Chang-min laughed and sat down across from him. "Sure, whatever you say."
Kyu-hyun joylessly moved his first piece. As Chang-min was making his move, Kyu-hyun's eyes wandered around the room and rested on the fiery red parrot creeping its way along the bar of its stand.
"Annyeonghaseyo, Parrot-nim!" he called out loud. Chang-min lifted his head and saw the parrot too. It was perched on a stand, but it was not in a cage. "It's the parrot Victoria bought for me," he explained to Chang-min, who nodded his head. "I've named him Little Red. He's not a bad parrot, but I can't get him to say anything else but eotteoke."
"You let him wander around?"
Kyu-hyun shrugged. "It's no fun being in a cage all day."
They resumed their game with some concentration, and when Kyu-hyun lost his bishop he cried out. "Ah, a sticky position. What to do?"
"Eotteoke!" The parrot mimicked him. Kyu-hyun laughed. "He has great timing."
"You like him then?"
"Sure, I like him well enough. He's bright red and temperamental and I like that. But I will probably get bored of him eventually." They continued their game. "Victoria told me that you went with her to the shop when she bought it."
"Yeah, that's right."
"Thanks."
Chang-min paused to give Kyu-hyun a careful look. "What for?"
"For giving her a hand. I would have, but I'm useless now as you can see."
"Stop being so damn depressive. The doctors reckon you might be able to walk again in time."
Kyu-hyun shrugged his shoulder. "I'm serious though. You've been a good friend."
This brief moment of sincerity from Kyu-hyun left Chang-min feeling speechless. His tongue went dry.
Kyu-hyun continued. "It's been hard on her. Well, it still is hard on her. She didn't sign up for this."
"In sickness and in health..."
Kyu-hyun shook his head. "No, no one really signs up for this. No girl leaves her country and starts a new life just to look after some pathetic cripple."
"That's not really giving her any credit. She loves you, you know. She'd do anything for you."
"Unfortunately true." Kyu-hyun said softly and Chang-min felt his tongue turn dry again. "That's checkmate by the way," he added and Chang-min looked back at the board. Somehow he had not being paying attention and he had set himself up for an easy checkmate. Damn it! And Kyu-hyun wasn't even good at chess...
"Staying for dinner, aren't you?" Kyu-hyun asked him. "Good, I like having you here. You, Tori, Little Red... it's good company."
Victoria joined them when dinner was ready and she looked pleased to see Chang-min. He wondered how miserable it really was to look after Kyu-hyun all the time. He couldn't tell from her expression.
"How is work?" Kyu-hyun asked idly as they were seated.
"Pretty good. Performance review is coming up and word has it that I might be in line for a promotion."
"That's great news," Victoria said brightly and Kyu-hyun raised an eyebrow.
"No surprises though," he said, and Chang-min accepted that as a roundabout way of saying well done.
After dinner Kyu-hyun asked Victoria to fetch his medication. There was a tiredness in his voice and Chang-min thought that he sounded like an old man. Memories of their misspent youth seemed like a fragment of the past and Chang-min was once again overwhelmed by a certain melancholy. It was a miracle that Kyu-hyun was alive, and yet things were not as they should have been.
Victoria returned with the pills and handed them over with a sympathetic look. Kyu-hyun took them and then turned back to Chang-min.
"I feel tired now, and the medication always makes me drowsy."
Chang-min nodded. "Should I be going?"
Kyu-hyun waved his hand, a little angrily. "You can stay if you like, but I will probably go to bed."
Victoria agreed. "You're welcome to stay. I could always do with someone to talk to." She smiled hopefully and Chang-min thought he could see a hint of desperation in her eyes. He agreed, and nodded apologetically towards Kyu-hyun. Already there was a certain absense in Kyu-hyun's expression.
As expected, Kyu-hyun retired early and Chang-min and Victoria sat together in the living room. They sat side by side on the sofa, near where the discarded remains of the earlier chess game were still spread out on the coffee table. Right at that moment Chang-min realised that there was a lot on his mind, but nothing that he could put into words. There had been something so unsatisfactory about that day's events and he didn't precisely know what.
"Tell me something truly," Victoria said suddenly, bringing Chang-min out of his self-absorption.
Chang-min responded cautiously. "Yes?"
"Back when we first met, you didn't like me much, did you?"
Chang-min felt his throat turn completely dry. He choked. Victoria smiled, and tilted her head. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot, I'm sorry."
"No, it's alright. And you're right. I admit I was a little prejudiced. It wasn't so much you, just the idea of you. The idea of Kyu-hyun having a wife, that was all."
"You were jealous then?"
"Yes... I'd say so."
Victoria was serious in her manner, but she spoke softly. "Jealous because you loved him yourself?"
"No, not like that. If that's what you're implying..."
"I've never seen you with a girlfriend of your own."
"No, it's just..." Chang-min struggled to find the words as his cheeks started to feel hot. "It's just that I wanted our friendship to stay the way that it always was, and I knew that you coming into the picture would mean that things would change permanently. It's seems so petty now. Since the accident everything has changed for good."
Victoria looked up at him, her eyes round and innocent. But there was sympathy there, like a mother's caring touch. Chang-min felt suddenly very safe.
She changed the subject. "We're going to have a dinner in a few weeks time, since some of the family is visiting. I think I'll have to prepare quite a bit but fortunately I have some time. Mind you, I don't think I'll be fully prepared for everything. I know it's selfish, but I don't like these family gatherings. I know they're all judging me some way or another and it's like being a student on my exam day again..."
"Victoria, you are wonderful in every way, you know that don't you? Even I, who was prejudiced against you at first can't help but admit that. You're not selfish at all."
She stared at him silently, and her eyes became large again. As Chang-min watched her, he could see that her eyes were about to fill with tears, and her lip trembled like a delicate petal. In an instant he held onto her and she sobbed into his chest. He brought his hand to her head, to stroke her hair.
She turned her face up and he kissed her mouth, repeatedly, each kiss like its own confession until at last she held on and kissed him back.
There was an unholy shriek and they broke apart, only to find the parrot squawking and bobbing his head as he sat high upon his perch.
"That was... I'm really sorry, I will be going now." Chang-min stood up abruptly and Victoria followed him to the front door. From there she called to him.
"Chang-min!"
He did not respond. He kept his head down until he was back on the street.
In his car, he hit his head against the steering wheel and recalled the infuriating cry of the parrot.
"Eotteoke, eotteoke, eotteoke!"
In the following weeks Chang-min did all he could to avoid the house of his friends, and the events of that visit played over and over in his mind. He eventually received a phone call from Kyu-hyun, asking if he would be coming to the family dinner they were hosting that weekend.
"I know it seems like a drag, but it would be so much better if you came. It would be good for Victoria, she would like to see you."
Kyu-hyun spoke in his usual dry tone and Chang-min couldn't detect any change in his manner. Indeed he had been wondering about Victoria, wondering all the time really, about what she was thinking and whether she would actually want to see him again. He knew he wanted to see her. He told Kyu-hyun that he would come to the dinner and he started regretting it the second that he hung up the phone.
What a traitor he was! How could he have the nerve to show up again in the house of his best friend, after what had occurred between him and Victoria. But it was even worse than that: he felt no regret. What he would give just to have another moment with her and pretend just for once that she was his wife and he was her husband. He hated himself for it, but he could not deny what he felt.
He dressed nicely for that evening and set off at around 6. As he did so he thought about Kyu-hyun, his thoughts naturally tending back to the image of his surly friend sitting in his wheelchair. It was a sobering thought and it only added more to his confusion.
When he did arrive at the house he was greeted by Victoria. She was wearing a blue frock with a collar that made her look like a character from a television soap opera. The perfect wife with a dark secret. She sighed when she saw him.
"You're just in time, Chang-min. The family just got here."
She said the last sentence with a hint of sadness and Chang-min recalled that she was never comfortable in the presence of her in laws. So he was here to save her from that misery. She took him by the hand and led him into the kitchen. His heart raced at the touch of her hand.
"I'm just about the get the table ready. Kyu-hyun is in the living room with the others."
Chang-min left her alone and went to see Kyu-hyun. Sure enough Kyu-hyun was sitting by the stand with Little Red, and with him were his parents, seated on the sofa, his older sister, standing, and her young son who was talking to the parrot.
"Does it talk?" he asked Kyu-hyun excitedly.
"He does indeed talk sometimes, although only if you are well mannered."
The boy looked up at the bird and said, "Dear Mr. Parrot, what can you say?"
The parrot bobbed his head, but said nothing.
"Hello, hello, hello!"
The parrot still said nothing and the mother scolded her son. "Don't yell at the parrot, he won't say anything if you yell at him."
The parrot cocked his head, and this time made a distinctive squawk. "Chang-min!" he said, and Chang-min gasped unintentionally.
"Oh Chang-min, you're here," Kyu-hyun said lightly. Nobody seemed to notice that the parrot had said anything. "I believe you are just in time for dinner."
The family made their way to the dinner table and Chang-min helped push Kyu-hyun over. Kyu-hyun sat at the front of the table and Chang-min sat across from Victoria. They began eating, and Kyu-hyun's father started a conversation discussing some story from the newspaper. Victoria did her best to join in by adding in the occasional affirmation, but neither of the parents were too interested in her inputs. She would always be looking over towards the guests and she avoided making eye contact with Chang-min or her husband. Kyu-hyun did not eat very much. Chang-min noticed that he took hardly any food for his own bowl and spent most of the time just pushing food around. Even while the family was happily talking there was an unmistakable tension at the table and Chang-min hoped that it would be over quickly.
"So, Chang-min," Kyu-hyun's sister said brightly. "How have you been? It's been some weeks since we last saw you, how is your work?"
Chang-min paused to answer and the table became quiet. Just as he was about to say something he heard the cry of the parrot. "Chang-min!" he heard it screech, just as it had done before. He looked straight ahead at Victoria and she responded with a puzzled expression. Surely she must have heard it too? The parrot, the parrot knows! he thought feverishly. He's calling my name because she said it on that day...
"Chang-min!"
"That damn bird!" Chang-min yelled and the whole table stared at him in shock. A darkness seemed to fall over Kyu-hyun as he watched his friend with a curious expression. Chang-min stood up awkwardly. "Um, excuse me for one moment." He left the table hastily and made his way to the bathroom, where he splashed his face with cold water. He shuddered to himself as he did so and said to himself, "Pull it together! I will compose myself for the rest of this evening and leave as soon as I can."
When he went back to the dining area, he walked past the parrot in his stand, and the parrot nodded his head knowingly. Chang-min did his best to ignore it.
Dinner went along smoothly enough, but by the time he returned Chang-min had lost all his appetite. "Perhaps you are not well," Kyu-hyun's sister mused, and Chang-min agreed that he should probably go home early. He said good bye to everyone once dinner was over, and left through the front door.
It was two weeks before Chang-min returned to the house. Kyu-hyun had invited him back the next day, asking him to spend another night, or perhaps the weekend. Chang-min had declined, and rambled a bit about how work had been piling up and he had the performance review to worry about. Kyu-hyun had clicked his tongue and ended their phone conversation there, only to call him back two days later to ask for exactly the same thing.
"You're boring now, Chang-min," he said teasingly. "Always working, that's not the Chang-min I remember." He added a laugh to the end of his comment, as if noting the absurdity of calling someone else boring, he who was confined to a wheelchair all day.
Chang-min eventually gave in and visited Kyu-hyun on a Sunday. He chose this day because he knew it was the day Victoria always went out. In his heart he wanted to see her too, but he knew it would probably be too much for him to bear at this stage. His poisonous infatuation would need time to cool off, and he believed that only distance could cure it.
But it wasn't only that. He wondered how much Kyu-hyun knew. The damning cry of the parrot had almost led him to confess his terrible sin, and it was only a matter of time before he came undone in front of him. Like Macbeth, who sees a ghost at his table, Chang-min's guilt also hung about his head and played with his consciousness. To think he had heard Little Red call to him, when all he ever says is "eotteoke."
Kyu-hyun was seated by the living room window when Chang-min arrived. Little Red was in his usual place. The sunlight from the window poured out gently onto Kyu-hyun, whose peaceful expression might have led someone to believe that he was meditating. Chang-min was almost regretful to interrupt.
"Chang-min," Kyu-hyun said tiredly, "you finally came."
"Of course I did."
"I was starting to worry about losing you."
Chang-min was startled. "Losing me? Where would I go?"
"I don't know. I worried you might get bored with me. I'm pretty much bored with me right now."
"I think our friendship is a little more solid than that. Come on, we've been through heaps. I wouldn't give you up out of boredom." These words seemed hollow to Chang-min and he felt quite foolish for speaking so emotionally.
Kyu-hyun smiled. "You're right. That was insulting, wasn't it? Of course I could always trust you to stay faithful to me."
Chang-min's conscious curled up inside of him at these words. Why did Kyu-hyun have to put it like that?
"But there's something serious I have to ask you," Kyu-hyun continued. His voice was gentle and he looked out of the window as he spoke, perhaps purposefully avoiding eye contact. "I want to ask you something about Victoria and you have to promise me you will me answer honestly."
"Go on," Chang-min said, hoping his voice did not sound as nervous as he felt.
"Do you think I am losing her heart?"
Chang-min took a moment to reply. "What do you mean by that? Are you asking if I think she's been unfaithful to you?"
Kyu-hyun sighed. "What else could I mean? Well, to be more accurate, I don't suspect her of having another lover, because she is here with me all the time, she would have no time for affairs. But I mean in her heart... does she still have love for me?"
"How could I possibly answer that for you?"
"How indeed." Kyu-hyun pushed his wheelchair back so that he could face away from the window. He looked instead at the parrot, who was cocking his head to one side. "Perhaps I should ask Little Red."
Chang-min had become aware of his heart hammering away in his chest and the sound of its beating filled his ears. "What would Little Red say?" he heard himself ask.
"What would Little Red say? He would say, Eotteoke! That's all he ever says, remember? The reason I've asked you Chang-min is because you are the only other person who knows her well, and I trust you to tell me the honest answer."
"I can tell you that she loves you."
Kyu-hyun looked at Chang-min carefully, his eyes narrowed into slits. It was a curious look, not a suspicious one. "Are you telling me that because you think that's what I want to hear?"
"Because I think it's true!"
"And...?"
Chang-min tore himself away from Kyu-hyun's gaze and looked instead at the parrot. Little Red cocked his head at him, with an expression that seemed eerily knowing. "And... I'm sorry Kyu-hyun." His last words came out a whisper.
"Sorry?"
"She's the girl of my dreams. I knew that from the first time I saw her. We're too similar, you and me, we always liked the same things. I have no intention of stealing her from you, but I've entertained the thought more times than I'd like to admit."
Kyu-hyun was silent, and Chang-min was too afraid to face him again. When he did finally turn around, Kyu-hyun had returned to that state of peaceful mediation. He was neither smiling nor frowning, and he did not look troubled.
After a few moments he suddenly spoke. "You know Plato once said that a friend is really just a single soul that lives in two bodies. Do you like that idea? I do. I think that's how we understand each other."
"Are you mad at me?"
"Not really. You told me the truth, didn't you? And, like I said, I know you too well."
"I only kissed her, I didn't do anything else."
Kyu-hyun sighed, and this time Chang-min thought he sounded sad. "I told you... I have nothing to fear... we have the same soul, remember? I'm not mad at her either. She has every right to be free in who she loves."
Chang-min took a seat on the arm of the sofa and stared at his hands. "I love her, but you're my friend and I love you too. What are we going to do?"
"Eotteoke..." echoed Kyu-hyun, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
"Eotteoke!" cried the parrot.
Three Years Later.
Kyu-hyun tapped his walking stick on the ground three times, but Little Red did not wake up. The parrot was sleeping peacefully on its perch, innocent like an angel, but Kyu-hyun was getting frustrated.
"Come on Red, I need someone to practice my speech to. It's my best friend's wedding."
He took the folded piece of paper from his breast pocket and read over it again. All the words he had put down earlier, the stuff about Plato and friendship, seemed so foolish to him now. He laughed out loud to himself.
"What's funny?" Victoria asked. She had just come in, putting earrings in as she walked.
"Nothing, my speech is terrible."
"I'm sure it's not."
He sighed and put the paper back in his pocket. Victoria took hold of his arm.
"Come on, darling. We'll be late."
He shook her off. "I can walk perfectly fine on my own now."
She smiled, and sighed. "Of course, I'm sorry. Will you come?"
Kyu-hyun did his best not to worry too much about the best man speech, and instead tried to savour the day. To think that Chang-min was finally getting married! Finally everything was just as it should be. At the reception he was even able to dance a bit, now that he was at least mobile again.
At one point he thought he noticed a strange look between Victoria and Chang-min. There was something sad and uncomfortable about it. After a minute he thought he might have only imagined it, so he brushed it off and poured himself more wine.
Fandom: TVXQ/f(x)/Super Junior
Characters: Changmin/Victoria/Kyuhyun
Rating: PG
Word Count: 7,000
Summary: Changmin doesn't like his best friend's wife at first, but tragedy brings them closer together. Only a little too close.
Chang-min hissed through his teeth as rain drops stained his new leather shoes. He stomped the water out as he marched down the street, furiously struggling with his umbrella which had become bungled in the wind. It seemed a wretched day for a joyous occasion. Today he was meeting his best friend who had only just returned from a six month work placement in Beijing. It should have been a happy occasion, and Chang-min should have been looking forward to it, but he couldn't shake the sense of frustration he felt when he read his friend's last message.
Dear Chang-min, it read, my dearest friend in the whole world. (Immediately Chang-min was suspicious by this qualification, since when did Kyu-hyun sound so openly affectionate?) I'll be getting into town around noon and I want you to meet me at the old library. I'll be bringing my fiancée, so look forward to meeting her.
Chang-min calculated that he would end up a bit late to the rendezvous, and this suited him, since he didn't want to be too early, lest he end up standing there like a lonely fool. He partly wished that he had a fiancée or girlfriend of his own that he could bring along, so he wouldn't feel like a third wheel. And this was the heart of Chang-min's frustration: Kyu-hyun had a fiancée! They had always been the famous pair, an inseparable two-for-one deal. Girlfriends would come and go and this never bothered Chang-min. But a fiancée, a fiancée was final. It didn't seem right to him that Kyu-hyun was getting married already. Sure, they had been in the workforce for a few years, but they were still young, weren't they? Marriage meant growing up, and Chang-min didn't feel like they were ready for that yet.
What about the time spent staying up all night debating crazy theories, going down town and getting so drunk that they would forget their names but still be able to crawl to work the next morning? That was the stuff of legends, and now, it seemed, the stuff of the past.
Chang-min stood alone on the steps of the old library. His friend was late. He struggled to close his bungled umbrella and swore as it snapped out of shape again.
"Chang-min!"
He turned around to see his friend and the girl. The girl was looking at him with a crooked smile, and he realised that he had probably just sworn out loud in her presence. He almost wanted to swear again.
"Nice weather," Kyu-hyun added, ever the sarcastic one.
"Isn't it just," replied Chang-min through gritted teeth. He finally gave up on the umbrella and let it fold into a mess.
"Don't worry about it," Kyu-hyun said, gesturing towards the umbrella. "You won't need it. Victoria wants to sit down somewhere, so we'll go to the coffee shop around the corner. Don't look so grumpy. You always said you liked the rain."
Chang-min could do nothing but nod stupidly. He followed them to the coffee shop.
"I have to introduce you two formally now," Kyuhyun said, smiling proudly when they sat down. "Victoria meet Chang-min. Chang-min, Victoria."
"Hello, Chang-min, how do you do?" Victoria said with good pronunciation. Chang-min had expected that her Korean would be poor, on account of her being Chinese. But alas no, she was perfect. She smiled at him with bright eyes and perfect straight teeth.
"Wow, your pronunciation is very good."
"She spent some time in Korea already. She's perfectly fluent," Kyu-hyun explained.
Of course, Chang-min thought.
"She can speak Korean and I'm quite good at Chinese, so we are perfectly suited."
Victoria rolled her eyes at him, but stayed smiling. "He's okay," she said.
"Well, still better than me, I can't speak any Chinese," Chang-min said. He meant it to sound lighthearted, but it came out sounding a bit dejected.
Kyu-hyun continued to ramble on about his time in China, talking about some of the places he went to, and every so often he would address Victoria and say, "Do you remember that? Is that what happened?" and she would join in telling the story. It was like these two people were sharing something of their own world and Chang-min was an outsider. He listened politely.
When they were leaving, Kyu-hyun excused himself for a moment and Chang-min and Victoria stood alone together outside the coffee shop. The rain had stopped now, and yellow sunlight was reflecting off the wet pavement. It seemed to sparkle in Victoria's eyes.
"I'm a year older than you," Victoria said to him as they waited. "Is it okay if I speak to you informally?"
"Of course it is," he replied, but what else could be say.
"So what do you think of her?" Kyu-hyun asked him later over the phone.
"She's cute," Chang-min replied. He added a tone of condescension to the word cute, as if to imply that being cute was not something he thought highly of. Of course Chang-min always proclaimed to like cute girls the best, so his attempt to be dismissive was a hollow one. "What does your family think of her? Are they okay with her being..."
"Chinese? To be honest, I don't know, but I guess they'll just have to like her. She's perfect isn't she? I mean, she has the beauty and the brains, and she can cook and she's kind, and really, what else is there?"
"How the hell did she end up with you?"
"I know, I keep asking myself the same question."
Chang-min had only made the comment as a joke. He knew that Kyu-hyun always got what he wanted. He was the sort of person to succeed in life without appearing to lift a finger. Chang-min had always rather admired that aspect of his friend.
In the following few weeks Chang-min did not see Victoria very often. He would purposely arrange to meet with Kyu-hyun whenever she was not present, so that at least for a little while he could pretend that things were like old times, just the two of them. After the wedding there would be plenty of time to spend with Victoria, so he did not think of it as being selfish at all.
However, things were not like old times, and Chang-min began to realise that they would probably never go back to the way they were before. Conversations seemed to revolve around more mature topics, work and mortgages, and Kyu-hyun made excuses to go home early. He even told Chang-min that he was giving up drinking on weeknights, and in a solemn voice said that he was about to become a proper family man.
It was a familiar old tale, Chang-min thought to himself as he walked home grumpily. Two best friends should be separated by a woman. Damn her pretty eyes, her pretty smile!
Chang-min saw Victoria one Sunday morning out of the blue. He was about to take his morning run when she rolled up outside his apartment, on a bicycle wearing sunglasses and short shorts. He couldn't help but notice the geometrically appealing curve of her leg. She stepped off the bike and called hello to him, and he was embarrassed that he had been caught staring. It wasn't very often that he saw her, and when he did it was always with Kyu-hyun and they rarely spoke to each other directly. He considered making an excuse to get away from her, but by the time he collected his thoughts she was already talking to him.
"Hello, how are you this morning?"
"Ah, fine thank you. And please, don't address me formally. We already agreed that we can be informal with each other, didn't we?"
Victoria smiled, but there was a hint of a sigh. "Very well then. Ah, maybe I shouldn't say this. I can't help but feel that you and I are a bit awkward still."
Chang-min was taken by surprise. She was right, but how could she say it so directly? He could do nothing but deny it now.
"No, no, I just don't know you very well yet."
"I brought you a cake." She smiled a little sheepishly as she took a box from the basket of her bicycle. "People say I make it pretty well, so I hope you like it. I thought it could be something of a peace offering? No, a friendship gift. I would like for us to be friends." She took her glasses off so there was no escaping her eyes. "I don't know a lot of people here yet, so I hoped that I could count on you as a friendly face..."
"Of course, of course," Chang-min spluttered. Now she was making him feel like a bad person. "We'll probably be seeing a lot of each other in the future."
"Anyway, I better be going now. I hope you enjoy the cake."
"Right, thank you!" he responded awkwardly as she mounted her bicycle. He blushed slightly as he was confronted once again by the sight of her pretty backside, and he stood there holding the cake for a few moments after she had left, watching as she disappeared down the street.
One Year Later.
Chang-min met Victoria in the hospital waiting room. She must have been there for at least three hours and she looked as if she hadn't slept for days. In fact she looked like someone who would probably never sleep again. It was a difficult sight to bear. Her pretty face looked both wild and tired.
"I'm glad you're here," she said quietly, and her eyes flitted from him to the ground.
"How long have you been here?" he asked. "Have you been sitting out here by yourself?"
She nodded. He didn't ask her why, but she started to answer anyway. "I'd rather not go in. The family are here now..."
Chang-min breathed deeply. It was hard for him too, but he pushed all his personal worries and sadness to the back of his mind. There was no use in showing weakness now. He had not quite learned how to accept Victoria yet, but that was now a trivial detail in the great scheme of things.
"I can wait here with you if you like," he said, and sat down next to her.
She didn't say anything; it was as if she hadn't heard him at all. After a moment of silence, she replied, "Yes, you and I should stick together."
Chang-min didn't really know what else to say. He didn't want to mention anything about what had happened, the accident, what the doctors had been saying. Avoiding the topic altogether seemed like the best option, but nothing else could be appropriate to talk about at a time like this. If only they weren't so awkward with each other!
"Can we go outside for a bit?" Victoria bit her lip as she looked sideways at him. He nodded quickly.
"Okay, fresh air sounds good."
They stood up together and made their way to the exit. Victoria pulled her thin cardigan tighter around her chest. They walked slowly, side by side, but not touching. Outside on the pavement, it was dark save for the light of the crescent moon which hung low in the sky. Some people were smoking quietly by the gate.
"It's cowardly, isn't it?" Victoria said suddenly. "I'm avoiding my in-laws even at time like this."
"What else can you do?" Chang-min said. He stared helplessly at the moon. "There's nothing much you can do to help anyway."
"Yes, but I'm his wife! Shouldn't that mean something? Even if he stays unconscious he should have his wife by his side. But then again... we've only been married for a year. Perhaps you should be the one by his side, you've known him longer than I have. The family likes you well, too." She bit her lip and then quickly added, "I'm sorry I don't mean to sound bitter. That came out wrong."
Chang-min felt his heart soften a little. "Who knows what's right or wrong? It's not like this has ever happened before."
They fell silent for a bit and Victoria rocked back and forth on her heels. "You know I've only just come to realise how much I've given up. My old friends, my old home, my old life... I started everything again and up until I had no regrets and I've never been happier. Chang-min, what if he dies?"
"Don't mention it," Chang-min said. "Right now we have to be optimistic. Doctors say chance of survival is about 50 per cent."
"The toss of a coin..."
"But it's still early. We'll know more tomorrow and the longer he pulls through, the better his chances get."
Victoria nodded. "I guess when you put it like that..." She held onto her arms tightly and looked up at the black sky. She was trembling.
They returned to the waiting room and sat side by side on the bench. There was no conversation and Chang-min occupied himself by staring at the carpet. As his eyes traced the diagonal patterns his mind went to Kyu-hyun and seemed to follow through every moment they had ever spent together, like a video playing back old footage in fast forward. As Victoria would be lost without Kyu-hyun, so would he. They had been best friends for so long that Chang-min couldn't imagine what life would be like without him. Not only could he not imagine it, he refused to imagine it. No, Kyu-hyun must pull through! He was a plucky fellow, and he managed to get himself out of trouble in the past. Surely a car accident would not be the end of him.
"He's going to be alright, I can feel it."
Victoria turned to look at him and she smiled. "I'm glad you're here, it makes a great difference." She titled her head to rest on his shoulder and she sighed, both with exhaustion and relief. They stayed that way for a long time, until at last the weight of her head suggested that she had fallen asleep.
Chang-min himself did not sleep. He waited until dawn with Victoria resting by his side.
One month later.
It was a pleasant day in the middle of spring and Chang-min shielded his eyes from the sun. He was waiting in the driver's seat of his car, parked on the side of the road, and he could see Victoria close the front door and skip down the front steps of the property. She climbed into the passenger's side with a big smile on her face.
"I have a good feeling about today," she said to him, her voice gentle like she was telling him a secret. It was just the two of them there, and it felt like they had a little conspiracy. In a way, they did. They were planning a surprise for Kyu-hyun, a get-well present of sorts.
"He's been miserable lately," she explained.
"I think I would be too if I was in his state."
"I know, I know, but I have to keep thinking of ways to try and cheer him up. I suggested that he should try to get some air, but he's so reluctant to leave his room. He just stays inside all day long..."
"Well, to be fair, Kyu-hyun's never been fond of the great outdoors."
Victoria laughed. "That's true. But it's different now. You can tell it's affected him, and not just physically. He's sad about the fact that he can't do things easily anymore, he feels useless. It hurts me to watch him like this, I wish I could do more about it." She sighed and looked out of the passenger window. "I think we should get him a pet. Something small and not too difficult to look after, but something that would cheer him up."
Chang-min clicked his tongue. "I don't know, Kyu-hyun's never been a big animal person. But I guess it's worth a shot, as long as you know that you'll probably be the one who ends up looking after it."
Victoria laughed and clapped her hands. "I don't mind! Taking care of a small animal would be no trouble compared to taking care of a sick husband."
They drove into the city centre and looked for the pet shop. The shop was small and quaint, with little on display to see. Chang-min looked down at a pair of hamsters crawling around in an enclosure and felt indifferent to them.
"They're quite cute," Victoria said.
"But boring. These guys just run around in circles all day, it would get tiring to look at."
"But what else is there? There's not much to choose from. How should we do it?"
"Eotteoke!" A sudden shriek took them both by surprise. They turned to see a scarlet parrot in a tall cage, cocking its head to one side. The parrot whistled and cried "Eotteoke!" Victoria and Chang-min turned each other with matching facial expressions and burst into laughter.
"Well, you, you are quite the character, aren't you? What's your name?" Victoria cooed at the parrot. She turned to Chang-min. "He'll like this, won't he?"
"Yes, most likely. He'll teach it bad words."
The shopkeeper came over and tapped on the cage. Victoria asked him: "How much is it? Is it a good parrot, does it talk a lot?"
The shopkeeper shrugged. "All it seems to say is eotteoke. He's a little noisy at times. How about I give you a special discount just for today? Ten per cent off."
Victoria was pleased and they took the parrot. The shopkeeper smiled fondly on them. "I suppose you will look after it well," he said to Chang-min. "Your wife seems very fond of it." Chang-min was slightly embarrassed by the shopkeeper's mistake, but since Victoria was out of earshot he didn't bother correcting it.
They carried the bird out in a small cage put it down on a bench where they could both sit and talk to it.
"Hello, little parrot, what should we call you?"
"How old are you, what do you like to eat?"
"Do you have any interesting stories to tell?"
They continued to throw little pieces of conversation at the parrot, but it never replied with more than a curious tilt of the head.
"He's a funny little guy," Chang-min mused. "Let's see what Kyu-hyun thinks of him. We should let him choose a name for it."
They walked back to the car, bird in tow. "I was right about today," Victoria said. "Things turned out well."
Chang-min wanted to add that he was regretful that they had found the parrot so easily, and that he wished they could have spent more time in town looking for something, but he was too embarrassed to say it out loud. Besides, it probably wouldn't sound right and there was no reason to ruin their good day.
"I guess I better take you home now."
Victoria's eyes lit up with excitement. "I can't wait until he sees it. Just imagine what he'll say."
Chang-min imagined that Kyu-hyun would probably say something sarcastic. He hoped that Victoria wouldn't be too injured by this; Kyu-hyun was never very good at outright showing his feelings. But even if Kyu-hyun didn't like the gift, he fancied that the parrot could at least be something to commemorate their day together. He inwardly frowned. This thought disturbed him and he tried to shake it out of his head on the way home.
The room was dark when Chang-min first entered it, and it took a moment for his eyes to adjust. There was a large window on the east side of the room, but the curtains had been drawn. Kyu-hyun was leaning over some cabinet, fiddling with something that Chang-min couldn't see.
"Do you need the light on?" Chang-min asked him and his voice seemed to echo when Kyu-hyun didn't reply.
Kyu-hyun continued with his task, oblivious to Chang-min's presence. At last he said, "I'm used to it, it's okay now."
"What are you doing?"
"Ah, the usual. Just packing up my computer. I knew you were coming over so I put it away, but I'm usually always on it."
"Sorry if I interrupted you."
Kyu-hyun stared at Chang-min with half-open eyes. "I hope that was meant sarcastically."
Chang-min chuckled halfheartedly. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time you've put computer games before human interaction."
"But I'm like this now everyday. Everyday, Chang-min. Everyday."
Chang-min searched Kyu-hyun's face for any trace of humour, but there was none. He sighed. "What should we do then?"
"Let's go to the living room. You don't want to stay here, it's too dark."
As Chang-min was about to leave, he turned to see if Kyu-hyun was following. Kyu-hyun was struggling with the wheelchair, so he went over to help him. "Shall I push you?" he said in a singing voice, and Kyu-hyun mumbled in reply. Chang-min thought he would be comical if he wasn't so sad.
In the living room a chessboard had been set up on the coffee table. "Now you're here, we can play some chess."
"I didn't know you liked chess."
"I don't really, but now that you're here, we might as well play some."
Chang-min laughed and sat down across from him. "Sure, whatever you say."
Kyu-hyun joylessly moved his first piece. As Chang-min was making his move, Kyu-hyun's eyes wandered around the room and rested on the fiery red parrot creeping its way along the bar of its stand.
"Annyeonghaseyo, Parrot-nim!" he called out loud. Chang-min lifted his head and saw the parrot too. It was perched on a stand, but it was not in a cage. "It's the parrot Victoria bought for me," he explained to Chang-min, who nodded his head. "I've named him Little Red. He's not a bad parrot, but I can't get him to say anything else but eotteoke."
"You let him wander around?"
Kyu-hyun shrugged. "It's no fun being in a cage all day."
They resumed their game with some concentration, and when Kyu-hyun lost his bishop he cried out. "Ah, a sticky position. What to do?"
"Eotteoke!" The parrot mimicked him. Kyu-hyun laughed. "He has great timing."
"You like him then?"
"Sure, I like him well enough. He's bright red and temperamental and I like that. But I will probably get bored of him eventually." They continued their game. "Victoria told me that you went with her to the shop when she bought it."
"Yeah, that's right."
"Thanks."
Chang-min paused to give Kyu-hyun a careful look. "What for?"
"For giving her a hand. I would have, but I'm useless now as you can see."
"Stop being so damn depressive. The doctors reckon you might be able to walk again in time."
Kyu-hyun shrugged his shoulder. "I'm serious though. You've been a good friend."
This brief moment of sincerity from Kyu-hyun left Chang-min feeling speechless. His tongue went dry.
Kyu-hyun continued. "It's been hard on her. Well, it still is hard on her. She didn't sign up for this."
"In sickness and in health..."
Kyu-hyun shook his head. "No, no one really signs up for this. No girl leaves her country and starts a new life just to look after some pathetic cripple."
"That's not really giving her any credit. She loves you, you know. She'd do anything for you."
"Unfortunately true." Kyu-hyun said softly and Chang-min felt his tongue turn dry again. "That's checkmate by the way," he added and Chang-min looked back at the board. Somehow he had not being paying attention and he had set himself up for an easy checkmate. Damn it! And Kyu-hyun wasn't even good at chess...
"Staying for dinner, aren't you?" Kyu-hyun asked him. "Good, I like having you here. You, Tori, Little Red... it's good company."
Victoria joined them when dinner was ready and she looked pleased to see Chang-min. He wondered how miserable it really was to look after Kyu-hyun all the time. He couldn't tell from her expression.
"How is work?" Kyu-hyun asked idly as they were seated.
"Pretty good. Performance review is coming up and word has it that I might be in line for a promotion."
"That's great news," Victoria said brightly and Kyu-hyun raised an eyebrow.
"No surprises though," he said, and Chang-min accepted that as a roundabout way of saying well done.
After dinner Kyu-hyun asked Victoria to fetch his medication. There was a tiredness in his voice and Chang-min thought that he sounded like an old man. Memories of their misspent youth seemed like a fragment of the past and Chang-min was once again overwhelmed by a certain melancholy. It was a miracle that Kyu-hyun was alive, and yet things were not as they should have been.
Victoria returned with the pills and handed them over with a sympathetic look. Kyu-hyun took them and then turned back to Chang-min.
"I feel tired now, and the medication always makes me drowsy."
Chang-min nodded. "Should I be going?"
Kyu-hyun waved his hand, a little angrily. "You can stay if you like, but I will probably go to bed."
Victoria agreed. "You're welcome to stay. I could always do with someone to talk to." She smiled hopefully and Chang-min thought he could see a hint of desperation in her eyes. He agreed, and nodded apologetically towards Kyu-hyun. Already there was a certain absense in Kyu-hyun's expression.
As expected, Kyu-hyun retired early and Chang-min and Victoria sat together in the living room. They sat side by side on the sofa, near where the discarded remains of the earlier chess game were still spread out on the coffee table. Right at that moment Chang-min realised that there was a lot on his mind, but nothing that he could put into words. There had been something so unsatisfactory about that day's events and he didn't precisely know what.
"Tell me something truly," Victoria said suddenly, bringing Chang-min out of his self-absorption.
Chang-min responded cautiously. "Yes?"
"Back when we first met, you didn't like me much, did you?"
Chang-min felt his throat turn completely dry. He choked. Victoria smiled, and tilted her head. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot, I'm sorry."
"No, it's alright. And you're right. I admit I was a little prejudiced. It wasn't so much you, just the idea of you. The idea of Kyu-hyun having a wife, that was all."
"You were jealous then?"
"Yes... I'd say so."
Victoria was serious in her manner, but she spoke softly. "Jealous because you loved him yourself?"
"No, not like that. If that's what you're implying..."
"I've never seen you with a girlfriend of your own."
"No, it's just..." Chang-min struggled to find the words as his cheeks started to feel hot. "It's just that I wanted our friendship to stay the way that it always was, and I knew that you coming into the picture would mean that things would change permanently. It's seems so petty now. Since the accident everything has changed for good."
Victoria looked up at him, her eyes round and innocent. But there was sympathy there, like a mother's caring touch. Chang-min felt suddenly very safe.
She changed the subject. "We're going to have a dinner in a few weeks time, since some of the family is visiting. I think I'll have to prepare quite a bit but fortunately I have some time. Mind you, I don't think I'll be fully prepared for everything. I know it's selfish, but I don't like these family gatherings. I know they're all judging me some way or another and it's like being a student on my exam day again..."
"Victoria, you are wonderful in every way, you know that don't you? Even I, who was prejudiced against you at first can't help but admit that. You're not selfish at all."
She stared at him silently, and her eyes became large again. As Chang-min watched her, he could see that her eyes were about to fill with tears, and her lip trembled like a delicate petal. In an instant he held onto her and she sobbed into his chest. He brought his hand to her head, to stroke her hair.
She turned her face up and he kissed her mouth, repeatedly, each kiss like its own confession until at last she held on and kissed him back.
There was an unholy shriek and they broke apart, only to find the parrot squawking and bobbing his head as he sat high upon his perch.
"That was... I'm really sorry, I will be going now." Chang-min stood up abruptly and Victoria followed him to the front door. From there she called to him.
"Chang-min!"
He did not respond. He kept his head down until he was back on the street.
In his car, he hit his head against the steering wheel and recalled the infuriating cry of the parrot.
"Eotteoke, eotteoke, eotteoke!"
In the following weeks Chang-min did all he could to avoid the house of his friends, and the events of that visit played over and over in his mind. He eventually received a phone call from Kyu-hyun, asking if he would be coming to the family dinner they were hosting that weekend.
"I know it seems like a drag, but it would be so much better if you came. It would be good for Victoria, she would like to see you."
Kyu-hyun spoke in his usual dry tone and Chang-min couldn't detect any change in his manner. Indeed he had been wondering about Victoria, wondering all the time really, about what she was thinking and whether she would actually want to see him again. He knew he wanted to see her. He told Kyu-hyun that he would come to the dinner and he started regretting it the second that he hung up the phone.
What a traitor he was! How could he have the nerve to show up again in the house of his best friend, after what had occurred between him and Victoria. But it was even worse than that: he felt no regret. What he would give just to have another moment with her and pretend just for once that she was his wife and he was her husband. He hated himself for it, but he could not deny what he felt.
He dressed nicely for that evening and set off at around 6. As he did so he thought about Kyu-hyun, his thoughts naturally tending back to the image of his surly friend sitting in his wheelchair. It was a sobering thought and it only added more to his confusion.
When he did arrive at the house he was greeted by Victoria. She was wearing a blue frock with a collar that made her look like a character from a television soap opera. The perfect wife with a dark secret. She sighed when she saw him.
"You're just in time, Chang-min. The family just got here."
She said the last sentence with a hint of sadness and Chang-min recalled that she was never comfortable in the presence of her in laws. So he was here to save her from that misery. She took him by the hand and led him into the kitchen. His heart raced at the touch of her hand.
"I'm just about the get the table ready. Kyu-hyun is in the living room with the others."
Chang-min left her alone and went to see Kyu-hyun. Sure enough Kyu-hyun was sitting by the stand with Little Red, and with him were his parents, seated on the sofa, his older sister, standing, and her young son who was talking to the parrot.
"Does it talk?" he asked Kyu-hyun excitedly.
"He does indeed talk sometimes, although only if you are well mannered."
The boy looked up at the bird and said, "Dear Mr. Parrot, what can you say?"
The parrot bobbed his head, but said nothing.
"Hello, hello, hello!"
The parrot still said nothing and the mother scolded her son. "Don't yell at the parrot, he won't say anything if you yell at him."
The parrot cocked his head, and this time made a distinctive squawk. "Chang-min!" he said, and Chang-min gasped unintentionally.
"Oh Chang-min, you're here," Kyu-hyun said lightly. Nobody seemed to notice that the parrot had said anything. "I believe you are just in time for dinner."
The family made their way to the dinner table and Chang-min helped push Kyu-hyun over. Kyu-hyun sat at the front of the table and Chang-min sat across from Victoria. They began eating, and Kyu-hyun's father started a conversation discussing some story from the newspaper. Victoria did her best to join in by adding in the occasional affirmation, but neither of the parents were too interested in her inputs. She would always be looking over towards the guests and she avoided making eye contact with Chang-min or her husband. Kyu-hyun did not eat very much. Chang-min noticed that he took hardly any food for his own bowl and spent most of the time just pushing food around. Even while the family was happily talking there was an unmistakable tension at the table and Chang-min hoped that it would be over quickly.
"So, Chang-min," Kyu-hyun's sister said brightly. "How have you been? It's been some weeks since we last saw you, how is your work?"
Chang-min paused to answer and the table became quiet. Just as he was about to say something he heard the cry of the parrot. "Chang-min!" he heard it screech, just as it had done before. He looked straight ahead at Victoria and she responded with a puzzled expression. Surely she must have heard it too? The parrot, the parrot knows! he thought feverishly. He's calling my name because she said it on that day...
"Chang-min!"
"That damn bird!" Chang-min yelled and the whole table stared at him in shock. A darkness seemed to fall over Kyu-hyun as he watched his friend with a curious expression. Chang-min stood up awkwardly. "Um, excuse me for one moment." He left the table hastily and made his way to the bathroom, where he splashed his face with cold water. He shuddered to himself as he did so and said to himself, "Pull it together! I will compose myself for the rest of this evening and leave as soon as I can."
When he went back to the dining area, he walked past the parrot in his stand, and the parrot nodded his head knowingly. Chang-min did his best to ignore it.
Dinner went along smoothly enough, but by the time he returned Chang-min had lost all his appetite. "Perhaps you are not well," Kyu-hyun's sister mused, and Chang-min agreed that he should probably go home early. He said good bye to everyone once dinner was over, and left through the front door.
It was two weeks before Chang-min returned to the house. Kyu-hyun had invited him back the next day, asking him to spend another night, or perhaps the weekend. Chang-min had declined, and rambled a bit about how work had been piling up and he had the performance review to worry about. Kyu-hyun had clicked his tongue and ended their phone conversation there, only to call him back two days later to ask for exactly the same thing.
"You're boring now, Chang-min," he said teasingly. "Always working, that's not the Chang-min I remember." He added a laugh to the end of his comment, as if noting the absurdity of calling someone else boring, he who was confined to a wheelchair all day.
Chang-min eventually gave in and visited Kyu-hyun on a Sunday. He chose this day because he knew it was the day Victoria always went out. In his heart he wanted to see her too, but he knew it would probably be too much for him to bear at this stage. His poisonous infatuation would need time to cool off, and he believed that only distance could cure it.
But it wasn't only that. He wondered how much Kyu-hyun knew. The damning cry of the parrot had almost led him to confess his terrible sin, and it was only a matter of time before he came undone in front of him. Like Macbeth, who sees a ghost at his table, Chang-min's guilt also hung about his head and played with his consciousness. To think he had heard Little Red call to him, when all he ever says is "eotteoke."
Kyu-hyun was seated by the living room window when Chang-min arrived. Little Red was in his usual place. The sunlight from the window poured out gently onto Kyu-hyun, whose peaceful expression might have led someone to believe that he was meditating. Chang-min was almost regretful to interrupt.
"Chang-min," Kyu-hyun said tiredly, "you finally came."
"Of course I did."
"I was starting to worry about losing you."
Chang-min was startled. "Losing me? Where would I go?"
"I don't know. I worried you might get bored with me. I'm pretty much bored with me right now."
"I think our friendship is a little more solid than that. Come on, we've been through heaps. I wouldn't give you up out of boredom." These words seemed hollow to Chang-min and he felt quite foolish for speaking so emotionally.
Kyu-hyun smiled. "You're right. That was insulting, wasn't it? Of course I could always trust you to stay faithful to me."
Chang-min's conscious curled up inside of him at these words. Why did Kyu-hyun have to put it like that?
"But there's something serious I have to ask you," Kyu-hyun continued. His voice was gentle and he looked out of the window as he spoke, perhaps purposefully avoiding eye contact. "I want to ask you something about Victoria and you have to promise me you will me answer honestly."
"Go on," Chang-min said, hoping his voice did not sound as nervous as he felt.
"Do you think I am losing her heart?"
Chang-min took a moment to reply. "What do you mean by that? Are you asking if I think she's been unfaithful to you?"
Kyu-hyun sighed. "What else could I mean? Well, to be more accurate, I don't suspect her of having another lover, because she is here with me all the time, she would have no time for affairs. But I mean in her heart... does she still have love for me?"
"How could I possibly answer that for you?"
"How indeed." Kyu-hyun pushed his wheelchair back so that he could face away from the window. He looked instead at the parrot, who was cocking his head to one side. "Perhaps I should ask Little Red."
Chang-min had become aware of his heart hammering away in his chest and the sound of its beating filled his ears. "What would Little Red say?" he heard himself ask.
"What would Little Red say? He would say, Eotteoke! That's all he ever says, remember? The reason I've asked you Chang-min is because you are the only other person who knows her well, and I trust you to tell me the honest answer."
"I can tell you that she loves you."
Kyu-hyun looked at Chang-min carefully, his eyes narrowed into slits. It was a curious look, not a suspicious one. "Are you telling me that because you think that's what I want to hear?"
"Because I think it's true!"
"And...?"
Chang-min tore himself away from Kyu-hyun's gaze and looked instead at the parrot. Little Red cocked his head at him, with an expression that seemed eerily knowing. "And... I'm sorry Kyu-hyun." His last words came out a whisper.
"Sorry?"
"She's the girl of my dreams. I knew that from the first time I saw her. We're too similar, you and me, we always liked the same things. I have no intention of stealing her from you, but I've entertained the thought more times than I'd like to admit."
Kyu-hyun was silent, and Chang-min was too afraid to face him again. When he did finally turn around, Kyu-hyun had returned to that state of peaceful mediation. He was neither smiling nor frowning, and he did not look troubled.
After a few moments he suddenly spoke. "You know Plato once said that a friend is really just a single soul that lives in two bodies. Do you like that idea? I do. I think that's how we understand each other."
"Are you mad at me?"
"Not really. You told me the truth, didn't you? And, like I said, I know you too well."
"I only kissed her, I didn't do anything else."
Kyu-hyun sighed, and this time Chang-min thought he sounded sad. "I told you... I have nothing to fear... we have the same soul, remember? I'm not mad at her either. She has every right to be free in who she loves."
Chang-min took a seat on the arm of the sofa and stared at his hands. "I love her, but you're my friend and I love you too. What are we going to do?"
"Eotteoke..." echoed Kyu-hyun, a hint of sarcasm in his tone.
"Eotteoke!" cried the parrot.
Three Years Later.
Kyu-hyun tapped his walking stick on the ground three times, but Little Red did not wake up. The parrot was sleeping peacefully on its perch, innocent like an angel, but Kyu-hyun was getting frustrated.
"Come on Red, I need someone to practice my speech to. It's my best friend's wedding."
He took the folded piece of paper from his breast pocket and read over it again. All the words he had put down earlier, the stuff about Plato and friendship, seemed so foolish to him now. He laughed out loud to himself.
"What's funny?" Victoria asked. She had just come in, putting earrings in as she walked.
"Nothing, my speech is terrible."
"I'm sure it's not."
He sighed and put the paper back in his pocket. Victoria took hold of his arm.
"Come on, darling. We'll be late."
He shook her off. "I can walk perfectly fine on my own now."
She smiled, and sighed. "Of course, I'm sorry. Will you come?"
Kyu-hyun did his best not to worry too much about the best man speech, and instead tried to savour the day. To think that Chang-min was finally getting married! Finally everything was just as it should be. At the reception he was even able to dance a bit, now that he was at least mobile again.
At one point he thought he noticed a strange look between Victoria and Chang-min. There was something sad and uncomfortable about it. After a minute he thought he might have only imagined it, so he brushed it off and poured himself more wine.