....................
im not gunna spend more time on this..because it doesnt do well to dwell..
saturday was...amazing...it was amazing to see the church as full as it was (suprising? of course not)
what some people had to say was really great...others (or shall i say, one other person) i just wanted them to stop talking (and im sure you all know who i am talking about)
friday night was unreal..but it was really nice talking to her family, especially her mom.
im glad i was able to play for her, i hope we sounded good so she wasnt covering her ears up in heaven lol
the service was really nice..i havent been to a non-catholic funeral before...what her friends had to say was...i dunno..got me choked up..and the video montage...
saturday night was meagans 16th bday party...it was fun, but i didnt know half the people there
on sunday i was too tired to get up for the sunrise service, so i ended up going to church by myself (for the 10 o clock service) the girl who sat infront of me knew me.."oh your tony's lil sister right?"
all the other people i know were MIA cuz they had all gone to sunrise...oh well
i had easter at my gmas...fun times...argued with my two year old cousin again
Me: i think you are funny abby
Abby: i think i'm not!
crazy two year old....
i dont expect you guys to completly understand where im gunna go next..but try to follow me and give me feedback ok?
i was sitting in my room, just thinking..and it hit me....who ive become during the past few years (though its only reared it's ugly head this past year)..i hate who ive become..i hate that i let myself turn into this...
i know it wasnt a sudden thing..its probably been swirling inside of me since freshmen year..when i started to let go of something that was really vital to my life...but now its really taken control and i hate it and i cant stop it...
i want to go home..i want to be who i know i should be..but i cant...and im so frustrated that i cant..i have an idea of what to do, but my mind wont let me follow through with my idea...
it can only get worse right? as i get older...
im scared that ive weakenend this much
why cant i go back? why wont he let me go back...
i can blame my friends, the stuff i watch and read, the music i like, the sights i enjoy online..i can blame all of those things and more..but it mostly depends on me..its my fault...so what if we moved, i could have prevented this...but i always assumed i was stronger than that...
even after realizing all this..i cant stop it
it wont stop....
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
she wants to go home, but nobodys' home.....
*sigh*
this teenager thing is getting really old...
when will the angst/drama and all that crap end?
i dont want to end on that teenage melodrama, so im gunna change the subject and keep going..
sin city comes out this friday..im really exicited..those of you who know me on AIM know that ive had that away message for like months now...
i checked the movie times..we can see it friday at 4 at the $3 theatre..that way we can still go to SD Live (which certain people in said event will kill me if i dont go)
so who is up for going?
i went to the dr (dr is easier than typing out doctor) today ( i missed school and left during lunch yesterday) my normal dr was out of town for the week ( jen and i have the same dr..how cool is that? lol)
the guy i had today was really cool..hes virtually new (new meaning only been doing it for a lil less than 10 years) so he wasnt as arogant as some of my other, older drs..(like stupid dr ort..that jackass)
he didnt shoot me down when i complained about my ear problems (for those that dont know..my ears cause headaches in me like once a week..i complain bout it a lot so if you didnt know that..then wow you guys tune me out big time)
he saw right away that they were all messed up (dr ort pretty much hinted that i was making things up that bastard)
im gunna get a lil graphic as to what my ear problems are..so....
he was cool..he used a glove to explain to me what a normal eardrum looks like a does..then what mine lookes like and does...mine has "fluid in it" ew...
stupid allergies...they are causing the tube thingy that connects the troat to the ear (Which is used when you ear pops) to be plugged up..so my eardrum isnt draining..
he gave me a crapload of free samples for allergery meds and i got a prescription for antibiotics (cuz he thinks i may be getting strep throat...ech)
it was cool that he explained to me and my mom what was going on with me (with the ears, the allergies, and the throat) in laymens terms (but didnt dumb it up too much)..ive never had a dr work that hard to help a patient understand..it was really cool and he was really passionate about it...
he also told me that cal poly slo would be better for me allergy wise, but that cal poly pomona would be better academically...lol he suggest that i study abroad for a semester..or even better, for a year..to give my body a break from the allergins here..
all drs should be like that...(damn dr ort..that stupid bastard)
i pretty much watched tv all day today...lame..but i didnt feel like doing anything else..
i watched mean creek the other night
good...dark....if anything..it has cute boys in it lol..
"It all begins in a small Oregon town, when shy Sam (RORY CULKIN) confesses to his protective older brother Rocky (trevor morgan) that he is getting pummeled daily by the towering school bully George. Together, they plan the perfect payback, inviting George on a birthday river trip tailor-made to end in the bully's humiliation. Rocky's pals Clyde and Marty and Sam's budding girlfriend Millie also join the journey, which starts almost immediately with misgivings. Seeing George in a new light, as a lonely kid desperate for friendship and attention, Sam wants to call the whole thing off. But the boat and the plot are already in motion, and no one can foresee the surprises and accidents that are to come."
but seriously..if you like dramas, especially teen ones that dont have to do with everyday teen stuff (relationships, drugs, etc..this isnt the OC type movie) then i recommend this to you
"Given the subject matter, "Mean Creek" could easily have been another after-school special masquerading as an indie feature. But Estes eschews the conventions of the genre to give his characters unexpected depth and create an engrossing morality play. None of his characters is a caricature; they're all flawed and unmistakably human. The moral issues they face are real and complex; the crises they create are dealt with expertly."
or if your a girl who likes cute boys...
this guy plays marty...(yea hes the one who plays scotty in eurotrip..but his role in this movie is sooo different..)
this is trevor morgan (plays big bro rocky..he was in jurassic park 3 lol)
so yea...see it if you want..its a good indie film
i have more i can update on..but im bored....
saturday was...amazing...it was amazing to see the church as full as it was (suprising? of course not)
what some people had to say was really great...others (or shall i say, one other person) i just wanted them to stop talking (and im sure you all know who i am talking about)
friday night was unreal..but it was really nice talking to her family, especially her mom.
im glad i was able to play for her, i hope we sounded good so she wasnt covering her ears up in heaven lol
the service was really nice..i havent been to a non-catholic funeral before...what her friends had to say was...i dunno..got me choked up..and the video montage...
saturday night was meagans 16th bday party...it was fun, but i didnt know half the people there
on sunday i was too tired to get up for the sunrise service, so i ended up going to church by myself (for the 10 o clock service) the girl who sat infront of me knew me.."oh your tony's lil sister right?"
all the other people i know were MIA cuz they had all gone to sunrise...oh well
i had easter at my gmas...fun times...argued with my two year old cousin again
Me: i think you are funny abby
Abby: i think i'm not!
crazy two year old....
i dont expect you guys to completly understand where im gunna go next..but try to follow me and give me feedback ok?
i was sitting in my room, just thinking..and it hit me....who ive become during the past few years (though its only reared it's ugly head this past year)..i hate who ive become..i hate that i let myself turn into this...
i know it wasnt a sudden thing..its probably been swirling inside of me since freshmen year..when i started to let go of something that was really vital to my life...but now its really taken control and i hate it and i cant stop it...
i want to go home..i want to be who i know i should be..but i cant...and im so frustrated that i cant..i have an idea of what to do, but my mind wont let me follow through with my idea...
it can only get worse right? as i get older...
im scared that ive weakenend this much
why cant i go back? why wont he let me go back...
i can blame my friends, the stuff i watch and read, the music i like, the sights i enjoy online..i can blame all of those things and more..but it mostly depends on me..its my fault...so what if we moved, i could have prevented this...but i always assumed i was stronger than that...
even after realizing all this..i cant stop it
it wont stop....
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
she wants to go home, but nobodys' home.....
*sigh*
this teenager thing is getting really old...
when will the angst/drama and all that crap end?
i dont want to end on that teenage melodrama, so im gunna change the subject and keep going..
sin city comes out this friday..im really exicited..those of you who know me on AIM know that ive had that away message for like months now...
i checked the movie times..we can see it friday at 4 at the $3 theatre..that way we can still go to SD Live (which certain people in said event will kill me if i dont go)
so who is up for going?
i went to the dr (dr is easier than typing out doctor) today ( i missed school and left during lunch yesterday) my normal dr was out of town for the week ( jen and i have the same dr..how cool is that? lol)
the guy i had today was really cool..hes virtually new (new meaning only been doing it for a lil less than 10 years) so he wasnt as arogant as some of my other, older drs..(like stupid dr ort..that jackass)
he didnt shoot me down when i complained about my ear problems (for those that dont know..my ears cause headaches in me like once a week..i complain bout it a lot so if you didnt know that..then wow you guys tune me out big time)
he saw right away that they were all messed up (dr ort pretty much hinted that i was making things up that bastard)
im gunna get a lil graphic as to what my ear problems are..so....
he was cool..he used a glove to explain to me what a normal eardrum looks like a does..then what mine lookes like and does...mine has "fluid in it" ew...
stupid allergies...they are causing the tube thingy that connects the troat to the ear (Which is used when you ear pops) to be plugged up..so my eardrum isnt draining..
he gave me a crapload of free samples for allergery meds and i got a prescription for antibiotics (cuz he thinks i may be getting strep throat...ech)
it was cool that he explained to me and my mom what was going on with me (with the ears, the allergies, and the throat) in laymens terms (but didnt dumb it up too much)..ive never had a dr work that hard to help a patient understand..it was really cool and he was really passionate about it...
he also told me that cal poly slo would be better for me allergy wise, but that cal poly pomona would be better academically...lol he suggest that i study abroad for a semester..or even better, for a year..to give my body a break from the allergins here..
all drs should be like that...(damn dr ort..that stupid bastard)
i pretty much watched tv all day today...lame..but i didnt feel like doing anything else..
i watched mean creek the other night
good...dark....if anything..it has cute boys in it lol..
"It all begins in a small Oregon town, when shy Sam (RORY CULKIN) confesses to his protective older brother Rocky (trevor morgan) that he is getting pummeled daily by the towering school bully George. Together, they plan the perfect payback, inviting George on a birthday river trip tailor-made to end in the bully's humiliation. Rocky's pals Clyde and Marty and Sam's budding girlfriend Millie also join the journey, which starts almost immediately with misgivings. Seeing George in a new light, as a lonely kid desperate for friendship and attention, Sam wants to call the whole thing off. But the boat and the plot are already in motion, and no one can foresee the surprises and accidents that are to come."
but seriously..if you like dramas, especially teen ones that dont have to do with everyday teen stuff (relationships, drugs, etc..this isnt the OC type movie) then i recommend this to you
"Given the subject matter, "Mean Creek" could easily have been another after-school special masquerading as an indie feature. But Estes eschews the conventions of the genre to give his characters unexpected depth and create an engrossing morality play. None of his characters is a caricature; they're all flawed and unmistakably human. The moral issues they face are real and complex; the crises they create are dealt with expertly."
or if your a girl who likes cute boys...
this guy plays marty...(yea hes the one who plays scotty in eurotrip..but his role in this movie is sooo different..)
this is trevor morgan (plays big bro rocky..he was in jurassic park 3 lol)
so yea...see it if you want..its a good indie film
i have more i can update on..but im bored....