you do it to yourself
DR, soon.
i wish i knew what was going on with the international side.. it feels like bringing on the operative team is taking foreverrrr. chris my new manger said that they should be full speed in april. idk how realistic that is considering thats a week away, but im keeping my hopes up. i feel like this is such a big risk, this whole thing. i feel like im jumping without a safety net... i WANT operative to do well, but that could also mean that they wont need me anymore. i just hope this all works because ive gotten so comfortable with the idea of moving there. ive found myself making small logic leaps - i saw a vacation to china on groupon with was perfect and cheap-ish, but it was in november, and who knows where ill be then? i also have been talking about it a lot more - i dont want this to be a secret, i want everyone to know. this year i want to move overseas. point, blank, period.
tom had drunkenly asked me one night not to go. it felt good to tell him that that wasn't an option. he doesnt have the right to ask me that - but it still felt good when he asked. him and i are done, at least for now, and i certainly am not going to change those kinds of plans for him. he feels alone? well thats your problem, and im not going to help you find the solution.
also, sorry, weight monologue below
my weight is another thing thats been going really well. im finally in the 40-45 lb weight loss range, but for the last week ive been stuck. im not sure what it is, i have to look at my diet again - i found out a week or so ago that my cholesterol shot back up (due to the accutane) so ive been trying to put in more "healthy" fats, olive oil, almonds that kind of thing. but i think its thrown my balance out of whack because ive been pretty much sitting at 40 ish lbs for the last week and change. im trying not to get discouraged, but its like fuck, i eat like vegetables all day long how is this HAPPENING. i mean full disclosure, its not like i dont eat more complex foods now (i found a way to make a good flatbread pizza, and healthy lasagna). i still stay sub 1000 calories though, and even if im measuring wrong it CANT be more than 1200. i go to the gym, i drink lots of water... this is so frustrating. i mean it took a lot to put on all my weight, but i thought losing it would be simple, as long as im strict. i was hoping to be 5 pounds less than this by the time i got to DR, but i really dont think thats going to happen. maybe if i hit the gym every day this week i can get down to 3 pounds, but if there is anything ive been extra careful about is doing this healthy. a lot of people that ive been honest with with my diet (specifically keeping calories @ 950 per day) have been kinda weirded out but its like i EAT i just eat as healthy as possible. i only lose 1-2 pounds a week, and im never starving.
cue me trying not to sound defensive.
ill try 3 pounds by DR, i have about 9 days so maybe its doable.
speaking of which, DR is going to be amazing. im still going back and forth on bringing my laptop, but i think right now im going to go with no. i already switched weekend coverage with jimmy in preparation for the trip so i can just unplug, but im having so much anxiety over the situation. but yea i cannot wait to get into some warm water, sit out in the sun, read trashy novels, and drinks lots of frozen drinks.
the only other update that i have was simon from london in miami, but i feel like im completely lost and out of my element with this guy that i can barely comment on it. sometimes i think hes totally into me, but other times i feel almost like a play thing. ive obsessed over it (what a surprise...) enough that even I'M starting to get sick of it. i'm giving him a couple more days and then its time to cut it lose.
i DO do this to myself.
i wish i knew what was going on with the international side.. it feels like bringing on the operative team is taking foreverrrr. chris my new manger said that they should be full speed in april. idk how realistic that is considering thats a week away, but im keeping my hopes up. i feel like this is such a big risk, this whole thing. i feel like im jumping without a safety net... i WANT operative to do well, but that could also mean that they wont need me anymore. i just hope this all works because ive gotten so comfortable with the idea of moving there. ive found myself making small logic leaps - i saw a vacation to china on groupon with was perfect and cheap-ish, but it was in november, and who knows where ill be then? i also have been talking about it a lot more - i dont want this to be a secret, i want everyone to know. this year i want to move overseas. point, blank, period.
tom had drunkenly asked me one night not to go. it felt good to tell him that that wasn't an option. he doesnt have the right to ask me that - but it still felt good when he asked. him and i are done, at least for now, and i certainly am not going to change those kinds of plans for him. he feels alone? well thats your problem, and im not going to help you find the solution.
also, sorry, weight monologue below
my weight is another thing thats been going really well. im finally in the 40-45 lb weight loss range, but for the last week ive been stuck. im not sure what it is, i have to look at my diet again - i found out a week or so ago that my cholesterol shot back up (due to the accutane) so ive been trying to put in more "healthy" fats, olive oil, almonds that kind of thing. but i think its thrown my balance out of whack because ive been pretty much sitting at 40 ish lbs for the last week and change. im trying not to get discouraged, but its like fuck, i eat like vegetables all day long how is this HAPPENING. i mean full disclosure, its not like i dont eat more complex foods now (i found a way to make a good flatbread pizza, and healthy lasagna). i still stay sub 1000 calories though, and even if im measuring wrong it CANT be more than 1200. i go to the gym, i drink lots of water... this is so frustrating. i mean it took a lot to put on all my weight, but i thought losing it would be simple, as long as im strict. i was hoping to be 5 pounds less than this by the time i got to DR, but i really dont think thats going to happen. maybe if i hit the gym every day this week i can get down to 3 pounds, but if there is anything ive been extra careful about is doing this healthy. a lot of people that ive been honest with with my diet (specifically keeping calories @ 950 per day) have been kinda weirded out but its like i EAT i just eat as healthy as possible. i only lose 1-2 pounds a week, and im never starving.
cue me trying not to sound defensive.
ill try 3 pounds by DR, i have about 9 days so maybe its doable.
speaking of which, DR is going to be amazing. im still going back and forth on bringing my laptop, but i think right now im going to go with no. i already switched weekend coverage with jimmy in preparation for the trip so i can just unplug, but im having so much anxiety over the situation. but yea i cannot wait to get into some warm water, sit out in the sun, read trashy novels, and drinks lots of frozen drinks.
the only other update that i have was simon from london in miami, but i feel like im completely lost and out of my element with this guy that i can barely comment on it. sometimes i think hes totally into me, but other times i feel almost like a play thing. ive obsessed over it (what a surprise...) enough that even I'M starting to get sick of it. i'm giving him a couple more days and then its time to cut it lose.
i DO do this to myself.