Man
I am so heart broken I just feel like puking.. constantly. I'm nauseous... always. I feel like I wasted so much of my love on someone undeserving. SO much of my heart, my soul, so much of myself. I could have spent those last few weeks in Florida with the people who truly cared about me, instead I blew them off for this jerk. I thought in the end it would be worth it though and I got proved completely wrong. Everyone told me but I just had to learn the hard way. The biggest question for me though is WHY do I feel the most for the person who gives me the least?? Of course I don't mean material things but I'm talkin bout trust, acceptance, kindness, love, understanding... and then WHY do I let someone tell me that they are so in love with me and they want to be with me when they show me something so different and its so obviously bull shit?
Ok nik.. I have come to terms with the fact that you're attracted to other girls and that I wasn't enough for you. After all that was the deal breaker in the end. So must you rub it in my face that your main priority right now is getting pussy? "pulling" chicks. Are you so shallow? Are you so insecure? but why? Why are you so insecure when I built you up as I did? How come it was never enough? I gave you every part of my body, I made love to you and touched you like I've never touched anyone before. I cooked for you, I listened to you, I supported all your dreams and most of all.. I let you make me look like a complete fool over and over again just so I could still have you. I let you fuck with my head, I let you call me names, I let you get away with cheating on me! All in hopes that you would one day realize all that I've done for our relationship.. and still you think I owe you something? You think that I need to chase you? STILL? Don't you think I've done enough chasing?? Don't you think I've earned ANYTHING? You keep telling yourself our relationship failed because I'm a "party girl" making up reasons to make yourself feel better about the situation. It drives me absolutely INSANE trying to fathom how you could not take any notice to the countless nights I spent on the phone with you bawling from the verbal abuse. I could have been out those nights, partying.. but why wasn't I? Because it made YOU uncomfortable. Because you made me believe there was something wrong with me going out for a couple drinks. You made me believe socializing was not in the realms of being in a relationship. But then YOU would go out and party, and mingle and not call me to let me know where you are or if you're okay, and that's cool right? as long as I'm not doing it.
I fucking loved you, man.
I LOVED you.
I was done searching, I didn't want to know what else was out there cause I thought I found it. Everyone knew I was yours. Everyone knew I didn't give a fuck about other options.
Why did you fucking lead me on like that? WHY??? WHY?
Why did you tell me all that BULL FUCKING SHIT? Why did you tell me you were in love with me? why did you tell me you didn't want anyone else, it was all a LIE and it led me to let my guard down and let you in, and then you just fucking shit on me.
I try to look at everything as a learning experience... but seriously.. all I learned from this is never trust nobody. EVER.
I did everything right this time around and got no appreciation whatsoever. I was everything I thought a good girlfriend should be. The whole fuckin she bang. and I still wasn't enough...
I could ramble for days but I just feel sickly. Like I wanna crawl into a hole somewhere and die.
Ok nik.. I have come to terms with the fact that you're attracted to other girls and that I wasn't enough for you. After all that was the deal breaker in the end. So must you rub it in my face that your main priority right now is getting pussy? "pulling" chicks. Are you so shallow? Are you so insecure? but why? Why are you so insecure when I built you up as I did? How come it was never enough? I gave you every part of my body, I made love to you and touched you like I've never touched anyone before. I cooked for you, I listened to you, I supported all your dreams and most of all.. I let you make me look like a complete fool over and over again just so I could still have you. I let you fuck with my head, I let you call me names, I let you get away with cheating on me! All in hopes that you would one day realize all that I've done for our relationship.. and still you think I owe you something? You think that I need to chase you? STILL? Don't you think I've done enough chasing?? Don't you think I've earned ANYTHING? You keep telling yourself our relationship failed because I'm a "party girl" making up reasons to make yourself feel better about the situation. It drives me absolutely INSANE trying to fathom how you could not take any notice to the countless nights I spent on the phone with you bawling from the verbal abuse. I could have been out those nights, partying.. but why wasn't I? Because it made YOU uncomfortable. Because you made me believe there was something wrong with me going out for a couple drinks. You made me believe socializing was not in the realms of being in a relationship. But then YOU would go out and party, and mingle and not call me to let me know where you are or if you're okay, and that's cool right? as long as I'm not doing it.
I fucking loved you, man.
I LOVED you.
I was done searching, I didn't want to know what else was out there cause I thought I found it. Everyone knew I was yours. Everyone knew I didn't give a fuck about other options.
Why did you fucking lead me on like that? WHY??? WHY?
Why did you tell me all that BULL FUCKING SHIT? Why did you tell me you were in love with me? why did you tell me you didn't want anyone else, it was all a LIE and it led me to let my guard down and let you in, and then you just fucking shit on me.
I try to look at everything as a learning experience... but seriously.. all I learned from this is never trust nobody. EVER.
I did everything right this time around and got no appreciation whatsoever. I was everything I thought a good girlfriend should be. The whole fuckin she bang. and I still wasn't enough...
I could ramble for days but I just feel sickly. Like I wanna crawl into a hole somewhere and die.