(no subject)
You know, conference was a real eyeopener for me. Kind of a chastisment really. I have not been the best Mormon I could be, and to be honest, I think I was trying to rebel a little. I looked at my life, and realized why I'm depressed. Because I haven't been reading my scriptures with any regularity, I have been praying (so there is one thing I HAVE been doing) haven't been paying tithing like I should, and I'm frustrated with church right now because I want to go with Peter, but the only ward he knows of is a singles ward, and neither of us feel comfortable. I'd go to my own family ward, but Peter won't come with me because he wants his own ward. I'm thinking about finding a student ward. I think if I had somebody my age in my ward to associate with I'd do much better. The other problem is that they won't let me go from nursery, I have to go in once a month because they want me to still have a calling. I need to change some of the things I'm doing. I haven't been the best mormon I could, and frankly I'm suprised that God still is talking to me. I'm upset with myself for letting it get this far, but at the same time I know that I shouldn't keep beating myself down. I can't fast, I found, but I keep telling myself that I'm just using that as an excuse not to. Uggh. Person religious conflict and questions. That's what I'm going through right now. I KNOW that the church is true, and that it's the only true church, but there's part of me that wants to take a break. I think it's because of my poor scripture reading habbits I've gotten into. I can blame no one but my own self for the way feel. That's what is so frustrating. Because I don't feel that bad, but at the same time I'm racked with the pain of being this way. Anyway, just thought I'd post what I've been up all night thinking about.