She is me
I've been away from the computer visiting with family (which was so, so awesome! it's been so long since I've seen so much of my family with such consistency), so this post is probably not quite as au courant as I'd have liked. But it's been lingering in my "post" file for a while, so I'm doing it. :) (Plus, this is the internet. Conversations never die, they just fade in and out and in and out and... *g*)
There was a meme going around recently a little while ago entitled, Fuck You, She's Awesome, which asked people to list the top ten female characters they loved and were tired of defending. A very cool meme, and I was all set to do it. Eagerly pulling up pictures of Scully to find the perfect image to capture the awesomeness of the very first female character I recalled being bashed in an otherwise entertaining fic. But then I started thinking about female characters I actually don't like. Female characters I knew other people liked quite a lot. Female characters I knew would make someone's list, if not mine.
It was a sort of self-check because, with some of those characters, it meant I was the one being told off. So I was mulling over the implications when a couple of different discussions about female characters and bashing occurred. Which made me question the depth of vitriol that can occur when female characters are discussed, in the first place. (Not that all male characters are equally liked by fandom. Certainly, vigorous discussion regarding the merits and demerits of male characters have been carried out with much passion. (It's fandom; passion is what we do. *g*) But it doesn't seem to get as bitter and hurtful as consistently as do similar disagreements over female characters. For example, I've never seen a Fuck You, He's Awesome meme making the rounds.)
Trying to figure out the fandom mind as a whole seemed an impossible endeavor. There are too many individuals making up the whole, and sweeping generalities (the best I could hope for) would miss (and probably insult) a lot of people. So I decided to concentrate on myself. I started thinking about the ways in which I disliked female characters and I realized, more often than not, it does feel a lot more personal to me than with male characters.
The first time I recall actually thinking about the phenomenon was with Harry Potter. (I seriously doubt it was the first time I took a dislike to a female character, but it's the first time I took conscious note of what I was doing.) Mrs. Weasley was the start. I can't recall exactly when I first formed a moue of distaste over her behavior (when she was chastising her boys while clucking over Harry? when she was destroying any hope of brotherly affection between Percy and the twins?) but I do know it curdled quickly into total contempt. Mrs. Weasley came to stand for everything ugly about motherhood for me.
I was part of a vigorous and thoughtful discussion group (Harry Potter for Grownups on Yahoo) at that time, so I was well aware that others felt the exact opposite, arguing that Mrs. Weasley was all that was good about motherhood. Our two sides debated back and forth and I doubt minds were changed, but the discussions were fun. (Needless to say, the moments I exampled as ugly behavior in the previous paragraph were very differently interpreted by the other side.) But I think it was helpful for me to at least recognize that the other side existed.
As the Potter series wore on, I grew to dislike more and more of the female characters. It got to such a point that I had a tiny crisis of faith and feared I was a misogynist. Fortunately, I picked up another series (The Lymond Chronicles by Dorothy Dunnett) to find, to my great relief, that I loved her female characters. With even the most horrible female villains, while I didn't like them as people, I loved them as characters.
With that insight I went back to the Potter series and realized that I disliked most of Rowling's male characters, too. We were up to The Half-Blood Prince, breathlessly awaiting the series finale, and by this point I'd concluded that Arthur Weasley was a pretty crap father. I felt that his absenteeism directly informed the rather desperate emotional ploys Molly Weasley pulled on her children (and Arthur as well, though he had more freedom to ignore her).
Which lead me to question, why had I latched onto Molly as the problem parent first? I hope it's not too navel-gazey to admit that it was because of my own mother-issues. My mother wasn't a Molly Weasley by a long stretch, but she could sometimes fall into using emotional ploys as a form of manipulation. Again, I loved my mother deeply (she passed away around this time, which is another reason I was thinking about this stuff I'm sure) and on the whole she was an excellent mother. (Especially considering the crap mothering she'd received as a child.) But there was this one thing I didn't like, and it was something I was trying to watch for in my own self, and here was this character embracing those behavioral ticks.
In other words, I had a button and Molly Weasley was dancing all over it. Yes, Arthur was a bad father, but his weaknesses were more... guyish. He exemplified something I didn't like, something I would choose to walk away from if confronted by, but not something I was trying to exorcise from myself. This carried through, on various levels, with the rest of my disliked characters. The males were icky in their own ways. But the females hit me where I lived.
What really interested me was that, armed with this discovery, I actually felt a tiny bit more sympathy towards the female characters I'd hated so passionately. I didn't start to like them or anything so drastic, but my passion died down. I could look at Molly, and the other female characters, more critically.
Eager to test out my new critical eye I turned it on another female character I'd hated, Dr. Elizabeth Weir. I didn't know much about the character because I'd steered clear of StarGate:Atlantis, mainly to avoid her. She'd struck me as another "bad mother" type and at the time, I was full up. But I wondered, if I gave the character another look would my opinion change?
In this case, it did. Drastically. I still saw Elizabeth as a mother-type, but not as a "bad mother". Finally I could see the good aspects of the mother-type, and by the time the series was done, I kind of loved Elizabeth. She's not my most favorite character, but she's definitely a reason I enjoyed SGA. So, wonderful change!
But then came Lt. Cadman. Another button-pushing female character. Watching the episode in which she was introduced ("Duet", season 2) was actually emotionally painful for me. At least this time I was able to recognize that there was something personal involved, that I was bringing something to the table. However, I still don't like her. Of all the characters that have passed through Atlantis, she's my least favorite on an emotional level. There are male characters that have behaved a lot (lot) worse and were handled horribly by the show. (Lucius, the serial rapist, springs to mind.) I can see intellectually that they're more reprehensible, but once again, Cadman hit me where I lived.
So recognition of the phenomenon wasn't a quick fix that shutdown my tendency to have different emotional responses to male and female characters. Which leaves me wondering, is it even possible? Maybe recognition is as good as it gets. I also wonder, do I even want to shutdown that tendency? Would that mean shutting down myself, shutting down emotional responses period? I don't know. It does suggest to me that, because my reactions are so personal, it doesn't have a lot to do with writing skills. Not for me, anyway. For better or worse, I do judge female characters by a different criteria than I judge male characters.
Something I have started doing is more consciously recognizing when I enjoy female characters. I can't think of a single t.v. show I'm into right now that doesn't have at least one female character that I rather adore, which is awesome. (At the moment, none have female characters I hate, which is also awesome. But I don't want to pat myself on the back; it may simply be that no button-pushers have crossed my path.) Maybe that's the "better"? Maybe the way to make the emotional response an okay thing is to make sure that response isn't always negative?
Which tells me that the pro-female character lists aren't so much about everyone loving all the characters listed. They're just letting everyone know that all those characters are loved. One person's button-pusher is another person's best beloved. It is emotional, but that emotion isn't just negative. And on that (hopefully!) obvious note, I end. :)
There was a meme going around recently a little while ago entitled, Fuck You, She's Awesome, which asked people to list the top ten female characters they loved and were tired of defending. A very cool meme, and I was all set to do it. Eagerly pulling up pictures of Scully to find the perfect image to capture the awesomeness of the very first female character I recalled being bashed in an otherwise entertaining fic. But then I started thinking about female characters I actually don't like. Female characters I knew other people liked quite a lot. Female characters I knew would make someone's list, if not mine.
It was a sort of self-check because, with some of those characters, it meant I was the one being told off. So I was mulling over the implications when a couple of different discussions about female characters and bashing occurred. Which made me question the depth of vitriol that can occur when female characters are discussed, in the first place. (Not that all male characters are equally liked by fandom. Certainly, vigorous discussion regarding the merits and demerits of male characters have been carried out with much passion. (It's fandom; passion is what we do. *g*) But it doesn't seem to get as bitter and hurtful as consistently as do similar disagreements over female characters. For example, I've never seen a Fuck You, He's Awesome meme making the rounds.)
Trying to figure out the fandom mind as a whole seemed an impossible endeavor. There are too many individuals making up the whole, and sweeping generalities (the best I could hope for) would miss (and probably insult) a lot of people. So I decided to concentrate on myself. I started thinking about the ways in which I disliked female characters and I realized, more often than not, it does feel a lot more personal to me than with male characters.
The first time I recall actually thinking about the phenomenon was with Harry Potter. (I seriously doubt it was the first time I took a dislike to a female character, but it's the first time I took conscious note of what I was doing.) Mrs. Weasley was the start. I can't recall exactly when I first formed a moue of distaste over her behavior (when she was chastising her boys while clucking over Harry? when she was destroying any hope of brotherly affection between Percy and the twins?) but I do know it curdled quickly into total contempt. Mrs. Weasley came to stand for everything ugly about motherhood for me.
I was part of a vigorous and thoughtful discussion group (Harry Potter for Grownups on Yahoo) at that time, so I was well aware that others felt the exact opposite, arguing that Mrs. Weasley was all that was good about motherhood. Our two sides debated back and forth and I doubt minds were changed, but the discussions were fun. (Needless to say, the moments I exampled as ugly behavior in the previous paragraph were very differently interpreted by the other side.) But I think it was helpful for me to at least recognize that the other side existed.
As the Potter series wore on, I grew to dislike more and more of the female characters. It got to such a point that I had a tiny crisis of faith and feared I was a misogynist. Fortunately, I picked up another series (The Lymond Chronicles by Dorothy Dunnett) to find, to my great relief, that I loved her female characters. With even the most horrible female villains, while I didn't like them as people, I loved them as characters.
With that insight I went back to the Potter series and realized that I disliked most of Rowling's male characters, too. We were up to The Half-Blood Prince, breathlessly awaiting the series finale, and by this point I'd concluded that Arthur Weasley was a pretty crap father. I felt that his absenteeism directly informed the rather desperate emotional ploys Molly Weasley pulled on her children (and Arthur as well, though he had more freedom to ignore her).
Which lead me to question, why had I latched onto Molly as the problem parent first? I hope it's not too navel-gazey to admit that it was because of my own mother-issues. My mother wasn't a Molly Weasley by a long stretch, but she could sometimes fall into using emotional ploys as a form of manipulation. Again, I loved my mother deeply (she passed away around this time, which is another reason I was thinking about this stuff I'm sure) and on the whole she was an excellent mother. (Especially considering the crap mothering she'd received as a child.) But there was this one thing I didn't like, and it was something I was trying to watch for in my own self, and here was this character embracing those behavioral ticks.
In other words, I had a button and Molly Weasley was dancing all over it. Yes, Arthur was a bad father, but his weaknesses were more... guyish. He exemplified something I didn't like, something I would choose to walk away from if confronted by, but not something I was trying to exorcise from myself. This carried through, on various levels, with the rest of my disliked characters. The males were icky in their own ways. But the females hit me where I lived.
What really interested me was that, armed with this discovery, I actually felt a tiny bit more sympathy towards the female characters I'd hated so passionately. I didn't start to like them or anything so drastic, but my passion died down. I could look at Molly, and the other female characters, more critically.
Eager to test out my new critical eye I turned it on another female character I'd hated, Dr. Elizabeth Weir. I didn't know much about the character because I'd steered clear of StarGate:Atlantis, mainly to avoid her. She'd struck me as another "bad mother" type and at the time, I was full up. But I wondered, if I gave the character another look would my opinion change?
In this case, it did. Drastically. I still saw Elizabeth as a mother-type, but not as a "bad mother". Finally I could see the good aspects of the mother-type, and by the time the series was done, I kind of loved Elizabeth. She's not my most favorite character, but she's definitely a reason I enjoyed SGA. So, wonderful change!
But then came Lt. Cadman. Another button-pushing female character. Watching the episode in which she was introduced ("Duet", season 2) was actually emotionally painful for me. At least this time I was able to recognize that there was something personal involved, that I was bringing something to the table. However, I still don't like her. Of all the characters that have passed through Atlantis, she's my least favorite on an emotional level. There are male characters that have behaved a lot (lot) worse and were handled horribly by the show. (Lucius, the serial rapist, springs to mind.) I can see intellectually that they're more reprehensible, but once again, Cadman hit me where I lived.
So recognition of the phenomenon wasn't a quick fix that shutdown my tendency to have different emotional responses to male and female characters. Which leaves me wondering, is it even possible? Maybe recognition is as good as it gets. I also wonder, do I even want to shutdown that tendency? Would that mean shutting down myself, shutting down emotional responses period? I don't know. It does suggest to me that, because my reactions are so personal, it doesn't have a lot to do with writing skills. Not for me, anyway. For better or worse, I do judge female characters by a different criteria than I judge male characters.
Something I have started doing is more consciously recognizing when I enjoy female characters. I can't think of a single t.v. show I'm into right now that doesn't have at least one female character that I rather adore, which is awesome. (At the moment, none have female characters I hate, which is also awesome. But I don't want to pat myself on the back; it may simply be that no button-pushers have crossed my path.) Maybe that's the "better"? Maybe the way to make the emotional response an okay thing is to make sure that response isn't always negative?
Which tells me that the pro-female character lists aren't so much about everyone loving all the characters listed. They're just letting everyone know that all those characters are loved. One person's button-pusher is another person's best beloved. It is emotional, but that emotion isn't just negative. And on that (hopefully!) obvious note, I end. :)