Well hello, visitors. To those who remember visiting this place before, welcome back, so lovely to see you again. To those who are new, greetings and welcome. Allow me to help you with anything that you might need or any problems that you run into.
I am Captain Hammer and I am more than happy to be of assistance.
[OoC: You know what? Go for it; anything. I can always erase whatever I don't want him to know from his mind. And for the link!
Because Hammer's stupid.]