39 (video)

[horrible_penny]

I love this one!  Who all's here?  Billy?  Death?  Life?  Anyone?  The Welcome Center's open and I've got drinks and I'm working on making cookies--

[The camera turns to show a table full of cups of lemonade and trays of sugar cookies. The cookies are all rather fanciful--some have been frosted to look like clock faces, but most bear some

Comments

[Action]

[and_immortality]

[What in the world is that sound? It's a sound like...why, it's the sound of a motorcycle! A really loud, obnoxious, absolutely ridonkulous motorcycle. And shortly thereafter there is the sound of steel-toed boots thumping against the ground, and shortly after that, the sound of the Welcome Center doors BURSTING OPEN from sheer secondhand enthusiasm.

Don't ask how doors can do that. This is how excited he is.]

PENNYYYYYYYYYYYY!

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

[The doors startle her, but she's very, very pleased to see Death. Very. Because it's not Crazy People Visiting Day without him.]

Bastian! My favorite Death ever!

[Action]

[and_immortality]

[And watch him skid to a halt in dismay.]

What? Really? How many other Deaths are there?! I'm still the prettiest, right? Right?

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

[Awww...]

A couple? I don't know, but you're the prettiest and my favorite and I'm really, really glad to see you. ...Can there be a hug? I know you have that death-touch thing...

[Action]

[and_immortality]

[Oh, well, as long as he's still the prettiest then that's okay. He works hard being this pretty, dammit.]

Oh! Right. Sure, here, just do this.

[He pulls off his leather jacket and turns it around so Penny can put it on backwards, with the zipper in the back.]

Do this first, it's especially Death-proofed.

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

[He succeeds at being pretty. FYI. Penny lets him help her into the backwards coat and gives Death a tight hug.]

It must cost a fortune, getting a Death-proof jacket.

[Action]

[and_immortality]

[Conveniently, it's actually less that the jacket is actually Death-proof and more that Bastian just believes that it's Death-proof, but it's ultimately the same result anyway, so nobody tells him otherwise. And now that Penny is firmly Death-proof, he gives her a tight hug right back.]

Yeah, but we get to write it off on our taxes. Business expense!

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

Not even Death and Life get to pass up taxes?

[Feeling that Death has been thoroughly hugged, Penny shrugs out of the jacket and offers it back to him.]

What's been going on? Anything other than the usual ninjas and stuff?

[Action]

[and_immortality]

You can hang onto it for a while, if you want. Is it chilly, or is that just me being unalive?

[He grins, sticking out his tongue at the thought.]

Hey, nobody's surer than Death about taxes! I do all of ours, and sometimes Life's, too. Ours are usually more complicated 'cause we've got more liability issues, but hers take longer because she's got so many write-offs from public works programs.

Oh, but hey, speaking of Life! We got you something, special delivery! All the way from her garden in the Middle East.

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

[That gets a laugh. She puts it on the right way.]

Nah, it's cold in here. I think the deities curse the thermostat.

...And I thought doing my taxes sucked. Tell me it's at least a... bi-yearly thing? Filling out tax forms once a year for eternity's too awful to think about.

[But she is distracted by the pretty.]

Really? They're--that's beautiful! Thank you! Both of you.

[She pats his shoulder in lieu of a hug. The sleeves of the jacket cover her hands, so it seems safe enough.]

[Action]

[and_immortality]

Nah, we have to do them every year, but I like doing the taxes. That's my trade-off with my boss. He does all the paperwork, and I do the taxes. And I never get them wrong, so it's less work for him, and then we don't have to deal with audits or anything, so it's all good!

[Fortunately, it's glassed-in, so Death can successfully touch it without instantly wilting the contents.]

You shouldn't open the bottle if you want it to stay alive, but yeah! This is a real official sprig of flowers from the real actual Tree of Life. In limited-edition pink, too!

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

Pretty and good with taxes. You're kind of the package deal, you know?

[Sure, she says it teasingly. Penny takes the bottled flowers carefully.]

It'll stay closed. I can't believe how--it's amazing. The Tree of Life. And in one of my favorite colors, too!

[Action]

[and_immortality]

And a motorcycle! Don't forget the motorcycle, that's an important part. Even if it is painted a really ugly color.

Yeah, Life says it's the first one she climbed after she crawled out of the primordial ooze. I mean, I don't know for sure, though, 'cause I'm not allowed to go within a hundred feet of it, but hey, I'd take her word for it.

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

The motorcycle gets you points no matter what color it is.

So how're you and Life doing? I think about you guys a lot--what it's like having someone you love but can't touch. It's all very "Romeo and Juliet," only without the dying and with ninjas and pirates.

[Action]

[and_immortality]

Are you sure? You haven't seen it. It's a really ugly green and they won't let me get a different one because all the good colors are already taken.

[Pout pout pout. This is a sticking point with him.]

We're good! She's all cranky because so many people are having such a hard time lately, and I guess they keep bitching to her office about it. We're talking about going on vacation for a while, though! ...By which I mean we're just gonna take off for a week and not tell anybody where we're going.

[Action]

[horrible_penny]

But you're Death. Shouldn't you get dibs on the deathy colors like black?

Aw. People always blame Life when things go wrong, don't they? ...I don't think they realize there's an actual Life that has to put up with all of that. [She brightens.] You should vacation here! Have you seen the dragons and unicorns at the zoo yet?