attraction...& good lessons
1. It's just one of those things. One of those things we can't always put our finger on. That's ok. At least I have to tell myself that, a lot. That it is OK that I don't know everything and can't read people's minds and basically that I am not in control of LOTS and LOTS of things.
2. Acceptance. Sometimes it's REALLY challenging to accept ourselves how we are. Especially the parts of ourselves that WE have NEVER been truly happy with and yet have struggle with.
3. I am a fat girl. Always have been, really. Chunky, at least. Even in high school I was 'fat' even though looking back at pictures that is a joke. I was voluptous, curvy and hot. Still am. Still have the thighs I don't like and the belly, yep. Did then too, only smaller. Thing is even the skinny girls I know have the same issues just like when I was a size twelve in high school. I now wear between a 16 to a 20 depending on the cut, etc. Overall, I am wearing an 18/20 at the moment. I have a 'comfortable' fatness and I am not too far away from that now, actually. Still no skinny thing, but nice and comfy for me. Like a true women's 14 puts me there. When I met Diana a LONG time ago... I was there. I was working out and eating good. Funny how a happy relationship porks us out...
4. Now what? I wonder how Bridget did it. She was a fat girl. Now though, she is almost too skinny. At least last I saw her before she dropped off the face of the earth. Her Daddy Christopher made her change her diet and workout, I know that. That is about the extent of the details I have. That and she still has huge tits. I will too. I got down to a size 7 once. Yeah, a SEVEN... liquid diet (starvation), I think. Pills and herbal shit... no food, no fun. I looked good for a minute. I was in high school. My parents bought me some clothes... 'what a good girl'. Could I get somewhere back there? Do I WANT to? What would I have to GIVE UP in order to maintain that?
5. I am working out, again. This has been feeling good. I am enjoying it. Fell off the excercise bandwagon between serious previous relationship problems, opening a business and depression a few years back... Depression is really a struggle. Not now, but just in general. One that is so all encompassing and prevelant, it's amazing.
6. I really don't remember how I looked as a size 7, but I do remember others reactions. I remember asking my ex-Master if I pleased him naked... Sometimes we must be careful the questions we ask. Sometimes the answers are the truth.
7. TNG--- my TNG life has come a long way in supporting me at any weight. My kinky friends, by and large, are VERY size positive and I get tons of compliments... which, I am a whore for, btw ;).
8. Is this acceptance keeping me at this weight? Or, is KNOWING that potential husband/dominant's are looking past me because of my weight pressuring me into wanting to loose weight or excercise?
9. Do I find a man who wants me fat... or one who wants me skinny? Is there one who will just love me for me and support me in bettering myself, whatever path I choose?
10. Ok... Here's a question for ya'll... Everything else being equal...would you rather be with a woman who has a youthful appearance, no real age signs, wrinkles...but is heavier or lighter than your 'ideal' attractive body type versus say a woman who has seen too many suntans and not enough moisturizer... the leathery 'used well' type of look with your more ideal attractive body? Thoughts...anyone?
2. Acceptance. Sometimes it's REALLY challenging to accept ourselves how we are. Especially the parts of ourselves that WE have NEVER been truly happy with and yet have struggle with.
3. I am a fat girl. Always have been, really. Chunky, at least. Even in high school I was 'fat' even though looking back at pictures that is a joke. I was voluptous, curvy and hot. Still am. Still have the thighs I don't like and the belly, yep. Did then too, only smaller. Thing is even the skinny girls I know have the same issues just like when I was a size twelve in high school. I now wear between a 16 to a 20 depending on the cut, etc. Overall, I am wearing an 18/20 at the moment. I have a 'comfortable' fatness and I am not too far away from that now, actually. Still no skinny thing, but nice and comfy for me. Like a true women's 14 puts me there. When I met Diana a LONG time ago... I was there. I was working out and eating good. Funny how a happy relationship porks us out...
4. Now what? I wonder how Bridget did it. She was a fat girl. Now though, she is almost too skinny. At least last I saw her before she dropped off the face of the earth. Her Daddy Christopher made her change her diet and workout, I know that. That is about the extent of the details I have. That and she still has huge tits. I will too. I got down to a size 7 once. Yeah, a SEVEN... liquid diet (starvation), I think. Pills and herbal shit... no food, no fun. I looked good for a minute. I was in high school. My parents bought me some clothes... 'what a good girl'. Could I get somewhere back there? Do I WANT to? What would I have to GIVE UP in order to maintain that?
5. I am working out, again. This has been feeling good. I am enjoying it. Fell off the excercise bandwagon between serious previous relationship problems, opening a business and depression a few years back... Depression is really a struggle. Not now, but just in general. One that is so all encompassing and prevelant, it's amazing.
6. I really don't remember how I looked as a size 7, but I do remember others reactions. I remember asking my ex-Master if I pleased him naked... Sometimes we must be careful the questions we ask. Sometimes the answers are the truth.
7. TNG--- my TNG life has come a long way in supporting me at any weight. My kinky friends, by and large, are VERY size positive and I get tons of compliments... which, I am a whore for, btw ;).
8. Is this acceptance keeping me at this weight? Or, is KNOWING that potential husband/dominant's are looking past me because of my weight pressuring me into wanting to loose weight or excercise?
9. Do I find a man who wants me fat... or one who wants me skinny? Is there one who will just love me for me and support me in bettering myself, whatever path I choose?
10. Ok... Here's a question for ya'll... Everything else being equal...would you rather be with a woman who has a youthful appearance, no real age signs, wrinkles...but is heavier or lighter than your 'ideal' attractive body type versus say a woman who has seen too many suntans and not enough moisturizer... the leathery 'used well' type of look with your more ideal attractive body? Thoughts...anyone?