Broken
Feeling kind of random,
Late last night I fell apart, I overheard my mother talking to someone on the phone outside of my room before I fell asleep. She mumbled something about worrying about me going to college, and she actually mentioned the fact that she thought I was hopeless. I mean, I've heard other people say that about me but never my mother! My mother was the driving force in my life, she's been forcing me to better myself since before I can remember and she had been doubting me the whole time? I acutally cried, as quietly as I could....
I woke up,
I showered...
I got dressed,
I left the house without saying goodbye to my family. I came to school,
I sat down
I looked at Duane (my good friend) and I told him all about what had happened.
and he took me outside....
We sat in his car, we smoked and talked like we used to. He held me...not like you'd think...like a friend. He wrapped himself around me and I cried again, louder this time.
I went back inside after the bell rang and I sat in the front of my Government class, I got into a heated arguement with some guy about freedom of speech, and everyone was shocked, I never used to talk in that class... and my friends hadn't seen this side of me in a long time, but there I was, stanging in front of everyone waving my arms in the air while that douchebag poked my collar bone with his finger...then out of nowhere, I hit him.
Things got too physical too fast.
It was over before it started.
My teacher had wrapped me up into a big bear hug and hauled me out of the room, when I heard Duane holler that he was glad the real me was back, then he said he loved me.
When I was sitting in the hall I cried again, loudest yet.
I curled up into a ball, hands became fists and sat there...sputtering.
I didn't get sent to the principles office, there was no punishment.
It happens alot, kids in my government class get violent, it's nothing new.
So I came to my novanet class...sat down, told the supervisor to fuck off...and (Mary) White-skinny, passed me a cig. We talked.
About men,
About school,
About our parents,
About drugs,
About friends,
and mostly about the future.
She wants to graduate and go to 4 year school, nothing special, she just wants a good job.
I on the other hand...well What do I want?
I want a life with EVERYTHING. I want to draw...everyday....every night....always. I want to write, I want to think for myself, and go to work in my pjs. (even though I sleep in the nude) I want ownership of something...I want a man to be mine....haha funny I know...instead of being a trophy wife, I want a trophy husband...haha.
Good news, today I figured out who I am, and who I am not.
I am Dorothy, I am a pothead, but I am an overachiever with little ambition....I am not perfect....
Late last night I fell apart, I overheard my mother talking to someone on the phone outside of my room before I fell asleep. She mumbled something about worrying about me going to college, and she actually mentioned the fact that she thought I was hopeless. I mean, I've heard other people say that about me but never my mother! My mother was the driving force in my life, she's been forcing me to better myself since before I can remember and she had been doubting me the whole time? I acutally cried, as quietly as I could....
I woke up,
I showered...
I got dressed,
I left the house without saying goodbye to my family. I came to school,
I sat down
I looked at Duane (my good friend) and I told him all about what had happened.
and he took me outside....
We sat in his car, we smoked and talked like we used to. He held me...not like you'd think...like a friend. He wrapped himself around me and I cried again, louder this time.
I went back inside after the bell rang and I sat in the front of my Government class, I got into a heated arguement with some guy about freedom of speech, and everyone was shocked, I never used to talk in that class... and my friends hadn't seen this side of me in a long time, but there I was, stanging in front of everyone waving my arms in the air while that douchebag poked my collar bone with his finger...then out of nowhere, I hit him.
Things got too physical too fast.
It was over before it started.
My teacher had wrapped me up into a big bear hug and hauled me out of the room, when I heard Duane holler that he was glad the real me was back, then he said he loved me.
When I was sitting in the hall I cried again, loudest yet.
I curled up into a ball, hands became fists and sat there...sputtering.
I didn't get sent to the principles office, there was no punishment.
It happens alot, kids in my government class get violent, it's nothing new.
So I came to my novanet class...sat down, told the supervisor to fuck off...and (Mary) White-skinny, passed me a cig. We talked.
About men,
About school,
About our parents,
About drugs,
About friends,
and mostly about the future.
She wants to graduate and go to 4 year school, nothing special, she just wants a good job.
I on the other hand...well What do I want?
I want a life with EVERYTHING. I want to draw...everyday....every night....always. I want to write, I want to think for myself, and go to work in my pjs. (even though I sleep in the nude) I want ownership of something...I want a man to be mine....haha funny I know...instead of being a trophy wife, I want a trophy husband...haha.
Good news, today I figured out who I am, and who I am not.
I am Dorothy, I am a pothead, but I am an overachiever with little ambition....I am not perfect....