rambles on life, jobhunt, sister, family, etc.
i am feeling majorly burned out right now.
no one will hire me. that's beyond frustrating. I'm not quite ready to sink to fast-food level yet. But I may, if something doesn't come along soon. i hate not having any money. I hate it partially b/c it makes me dependant on chris, partially b/c i can't buy fun movies, and partially b/c i don't want to say "hey! friends! let's go for coffee/ice cream/pie/whatever!" when they'd have to pay. I desparately want to reconnect with charles, kat, katie, whitney, the other sorority folk.... but I just don't feel right asking if i can't at least pay for myself.
Basically, aside from job hunts, I haven't left the house in... how long? I've been feeling really hermity. It's been a bit of a chore to get psyched up to see chris when he comes home in the evening. I really just want to lock myself in a room for awhile.
But I know that's just depression and discouragement about jobs talking, and luckily my living situation doesn't allow me to hermit up that much. First, it's hard to hide from someone in a 2 room apartment. second, with zach and company so near by, they make sure I get some company. And no, I don't count goign to zach's as leaving the house. If i can get there in under 10 seconds, it doesn't count.
Anyway, I called a few places today ... hopefully something will pan out there. And talking aobut slightly longer term (later into the spring) one of chris's friends might have something for me. But I don't want to talk about it, lest i jinx it.
Zach and claire came over for dinner tonight. That was fun. We just made spaghetti and meat and headed up some sauce (meat served separately for those, like me, that don't favor flesh in their pasta. but yes. It was good. We are very much family, chris, zach, and i... and yes, claire too. At the end of the night, we come home to each other. We look out for each other. We share. It's nice.
Admittedly, i am very much missing the feminine influence, after doing sororit stuff for so long. Claire's around a bit, but I see much more of chris and zach. It's odd not having anyone to bounce my outfit off of before i go out. Even dad would do that.
I don't know... my life is uncertian, right now. I really wish i had someone to talk to that was totally removed from everything... totally nonjudgemental. not because i want or need advice, just because i need a little variety in my life. im stagnating. But at the same time, I feel weird talking to my friends who are in school. And I don't really have friends who aren't, aside from chris and the kids i know through him.
I spent an hour ont he phone with my sister last weekend, which was FABULOUS.
but i'm too restless to stay and type.
no one will hire me. that's beyond frustrating. I'm not quite ready to sink to fast-food level yet. But I may, if something doesn't come along soon. i hate not having any money. I hate it partially b/c it makes me dependant on chris, partially b/c i can't buy fun movies, and partially b/c i don't want to say "hey! friends! let's go for coffee/ice cream/pie/whatever!" when they'd have to pay. I desparately want to reconnect with charles, kat, katie, whitney, the other sorority folk.... but I just don't feel right asking if i can't at least pay for myself.
Basically, aside from job hunts, I haven't left the house in... how long? I've been feeling really hermity. It's been a bit of a chore to get psyched up to see chris when he comes home in the evening. I really just want to lock myself in a room for awhile.
But I know that's just depression and discouragement about jobs talking, and luckily my living situation doesn't allow me to hermit up that much. First, it's hard to hide from someone in a 2 room apartment. second, with zach and company so near by, they make sure I get some company. And no, I don't count goign to zach's as leaving the house. If i can get there in under 10 seconds, it doesn't count.
Anyway, I called a few places today ... hopefully something will pan out there. And talking aobut slightly longer term (later into the spring) one of chris's friends might have something for me. But I don't want to talk about it, lest i jinx it.
Zach and claire came over for dinner tonight. That was fun. We just made spaghetti and meat and headed up some sauce (meat served separately for those, like me, that don't favor flesh in their pasta. but yes. It was good. We are very much family, chris, zach, and i... and yes, claire too. At the end of the night, we come home to each other. We look out for each other. We share. It's nice.
Admittedly, i am very much missing the feminine influence, after doing sororit stuff for so long. Claire's around a bit, but I see much more of chris and zach. It's odd not having anyone to bounce my outfit off of before i go out. Even dad would do that.
I don't know... my life is uncertian, right now. I really wish i had someone to talk to that was totally removed from everything... totally nonjudgemental. not because i want or need advice, just because i need a little variety in my life. im stagnating. But at the same time, I feel weird talking to my friends who are in school. And I don't really have friends who aren't, aside from chris and the kids i know through him.
I spent an hour ont he phone with my sister last weekend, which was FABULOUS.
but i'm too restless to stay and type.