Laws and Immutable Truths of Life
Laws and Immutable Truths of Life
1. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
2. The biggest son-of-a-bitch and the man in charge can usually be shot with the same bullet.
3. Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out alive anyway.
4. You gotta die of something
5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6. If one is too open minded one's brains tend to fall out.
7. Half the people in the world are below average intelligence.
8. If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans.
9. There are two rules for success. First, never tell everything you know.
10. The universe is what it is, not what you want it to be
11. Misogynists aren't born, they're made.
12. Youth and skill is never a match for experience and treachery.
13. Dead fish are the only ones who swim with the current.
14. Far better to live one day as a wolf than a thousand years as a sheep.
15. Life is pain. Anyone who says different is trying to sell something.
16. Never play cards with a man named "Doc."
17. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
18. Liberals feel a great debt to their fellow man that they want to pay out of your wallet
19. The chief difference between fantasy and reality is that fantasy has to make sense.
20. The biggest cause of problems is solutions.
21. Never knock down a wall until you know damn good and well why it was put up to begin with.
22. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
23. Ex wives never hate you enough to give back the diamond.
24. When two people always agree, one of them is redundant.
25. It is far easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
26. Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.
27. Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenaged kids.
28. If you are sitting at a poker table, and don't know who the sucker is - it's you.
29. Citizens are armed. Subjects aren't.
30. The best applause lies in knowing you have offended a fool.
31. When you subsidize poverty and failure, you get more of both.
1. Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
2. The biggest son-of-a-bitch and the man in charge can usually be shot with the same bullet.
3. Don't take life too seriously; you'll never get out alive anyway.
4. You gotta die of something
5. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
6. If one is too open minded one's brains tend to fall out.
7. Half the people in the world are below average intelligence.
8. If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans.
9. There are two rules for success. First, never tell everything you know.
10. The universe is what it is, not what you want it to be
11. Misogynists aren't born, they're made.
12. Youth and skill is never a match for experience and treachery.
13. Dead fish are the only ones who swim with the current.
14. Far better to live one day as a wolf than a thousand years as a sheep.
15. Life is pain. Anyone who says different is trying to sell something.
16. Never play cards with a man named "Doc."
17. Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
18. Liberals feel a great debt to their fellow man that they want to pay out of your wallet
19. The chief difference between fantasy and reality is that fantasy has to make sense.
20. The biggest cause of problems is solutions.
21. Never knock down a wall until you know damn good and well why it was put up to begin with.
22. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
23. Ex wives never hate you enough to give back the diamond.
24. When two people always agree, one of them is redundant.
25. It is far easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
26. Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who don't.
27. Giving money and power to the government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenaged kids.
28. If you are sitting at a poker table, and don't know who the sucker is - it's you.
29. Citizens are armed. Subjects aren't.
30. The best applause lies in knowing you have offended a fool.
31. When you subsidize poverty and failure, you get more of both.