Semester from Hell???
So the fact that I've blogged twice since this semester started should give you an idea of how it's gone.... (yes this is a rant). I've spent most of this Thanksgiving Break/Reading week recovering, instead of doing all the work I should do (luckily I have enough done that I shouldn't be insane, just standard crazy, for the last 3 weeks of the semester). I've been bordering on the edge of a nervous breakdown since I got back from Melissa's wedding in September (I shouldn't be having a breakdown until March-April, something is seriously wrong). Yes I realize I did part of this to myself, taking 11 hours, working 15 originially (back down to 10), and joining the band. But this is something far deeper than me "just being Danielle and doing too much". The whole campus has been struggling just to breathe, my roommate hit the nail on the head when she said "no one seems happy this semester." It's true, last year was tough, but people were generally happy so it made the insane amount of work that is grad school bearable. But this semester, depression seems to be the order of the day, every day. I'm never depressed for more than a few days, and I've been depressed for months, to the point of calling 4 friends to pray and interceed over me. The only problem is they are just as bad off, if not worse. I called home Saturday and as soon as I hung up I burst into tears, not my usual silent trickles, but great, body-wracking sobs for about 30 minutes. Then I pulled it together, because "I don't fall apart". The truth is I've had enough. This semester's work load for my courses has been ridiculous, does an exegesis final really need to be almost 30 pages long??? There hasn't been any time to breathe this semester. I was in Illinois (already driven through KY and Indiana) before I realized I could breathe again, I think it was the first time I'd breathed since before my mini-vacation in August. There is nothing left, and I've still got 3 weeks to go when I get back. The thing is I'll get back and I'll do everything that I have to do, because that's the only way I know. I'm tired, deep down in my soul, I've had enough, what more could be asked of me, tired. I can't keep this up for the next 2 years, I don't even think I could keep this up for the spring semester. I can't even control the thoughts that run through my head any more. Someone just please pause the world for one day, so we can breathe, or grieve, or breakdown, or whatever it is that we need to do.