Wow. Such embarrass.
I suppose the worst part about stumbling onto my livejournal from 10 years ago is the fact that I haven't actually changed that much. That is, as far as the lack of motivation, the depression, and the angst goes. I'm a bit more responsible and self-aware; that's for sure. I make no pretense of innocence. I know I am an asshole. I'm not quite as overtly racist. I detest my neediness now, and tend to act as if I need nobody. But I am still every bit as terrified of abandonment. I'm still depersonalized, still lacking self control, still not fully realized as a person. I'm not sure if I ever will be. But what won't work is just sitting around waiting for shit to happen like I used to. It only took me 10 years after graduating, but I'm starting to learn that hard work is the only way to get ahead with anything. I can't rely on my marginally above average natural abilities anymore, hahah.
What inspired me to reach back to this time capsule was a comedic documentary of sorts called "Mortified Nation", which is about a show called Mortified that has played all around the country. It features ordinary folks reading aloud their journal entries for the audience. There's plenty of awkwardness, hormones and horniness, and notes about tuna melts. It's funny, you should watch it.
What inspired me to reach back to this time capsule was a comedic documentary of sorts called "Mortified Nation", which is about a show called Mortified that has played all around the country. It features ordinary folks reading aloud their journal entries for the audience. There's plenty of awkwardness, hormones and horniness, and notes about tuna melts. It's funny, you should watch it.