I didnt want to post anything. I didnt want my feelings to be an open page, and as I write this, I am not sure how much will actually come out
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Hi, I found your journal via reading comments on Aria's. I think I have an idea on what you you're referring to with your friend and I am so terribly sorry for your loss and the pain left behind. I, too, had someone very close to me end their own life and I feel horribly guilty to this day about it. I'd tried talking to her a couple of times but had no idea she was as far as she was in depression. She was the best friend I had here after I moved from California to Colorado in 2005 and could always make me laugh and feel great. The point is that in my opinion and I know this is far easier said then done, the person had to be ill and therefore (I don't know if you believe in God or not) God looks down on them with compassion and understanding and calls them home. I feel I let her down to this day, not noticing her inner struggles and pains. The truth is that no matter what I did or any of us did, she was bound to feel how she was because of her place in this world. I still do wonder if I could've tried harder and hope that I'll get a phone call from her. It's very difficult and hard to accept that there was really nothing you could do. At least this way, she is out of her pain and not having to experience the misery she felt on her own each day. I'm very sorry again for your loss and please feel free to contact me and talk. I really feel for you. As a survivor myself, I know the effects of life without them. I somehow doubt they ever think of the way it will ripple when they're gone. I know I could never do that to someone I love, but then again I've never been that "ill" to think there was absolutely no way out. *HUGS* And please do not blame yourself at all.
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