A capricious collection of personal thoughts
So I went to have dinner and talk with my Aunt last night, and I am so thankful I did. Although we didn't have any spiritual conversations, which I really wanted to, we talked a lot about the family history, which was really interesting. After I told her about my college experiences, she felt really positively about where I was in my life and the direction I was heading. I really hope I made clear the connection between my paradigm shift after I became a Christian and that she might question her reasons and expectations of calling herself a Christian. I think my feelings towards unfortunate situations changed dramatically once I became a Christian and viewed people's wrongdoings less offensive to me, but more so against God. My Aunt expressed concern that I needed to be 'nurtured' and wanted me to go to a small liberal arts college, but she was reassured once I explained the community I've found in Christ and how I really do like USC.
I really like the USC neighborhood, which most people don't understand. Central LA usually gets a bad rep, and although merited, I think the community surrounding USC gives the school such an amazing opportunity to serve and outreach. The juxtaposition between the affluent and impoverished is a perfect coupling. I think it's a blessing to be able to have opportunities to serve, and exposure to more homelessness and poverty. Chances to gain more street smarts after living behind the suburbia curtain. Being about to do JEP, distribute clothing on skid row, finding amazing deals at superior, the overwhelming diversity, there's something more real to L.A. than living in Villa Park where crime ceases to exist, and the pace is so relaxed with a sense of having it 'made.' I'll get to that later.
I've actually been really blessed with my time at USC and it makes me rueful that my brother didn't have the same experience during his time here. I actually was just like him my first year, being a hermit and not joining any clubs or organizations because I was so intently focused on academics. He didn't make many friends here, or join any clubs, and he currently lives alone. I think he just doesn't value or pursue community because he's never experienced it. He's coming over tomorrow! I really want to be more intentional about sharing the gospel... I think last time I randomly threw in during a car ride "hey, so... what do you think about Jesus?" which became supplanted by a cyclical debate on homosexuality. hmm.
I've learned so much through living with roommates and on my own! So much! Especially this past year with my roommate Cristi. I realized that because of her, I actually prefer living with people rather than alone. I used to be a really private person who needed my space before I met her. God also revealed a lot of my selfishness and hypocrisy this year. Cristi was so open and perceptive to my bi/tri-weekly "what I learned at bible study" discussions, which let me grow in sharing but also provided accountability in my convictions. But most importantly I gained one of my closest friends who understands my awkward humor and whom I love dearly :)
I learned a lot about judging people, something I had a problem with. Especially people in frats and sororities. And people who drank and did drugs. I had this feeling of self-righteousness and removal from them, even though Jesus came to help the sinners, not the righteous. Although I still think alcohol is a poison, I don't label them as a 'bad' people anymore. My roommates this year took my to my first two frat parties which was such an eye-opening experience. I felt so self-consious... like if anyone I knew saw me I would feel ashamed, even though I wasn't doing anything in particular. I really wanted to stop seeing them as 'them' as if their party ways were contagious. But in the end I didn't feel like I could reconcile going to the row, although I do think it deepened my relationship with my roommates.
Also, after summercon I've been thinking a lot about money lately, and how I feel about it. I'll have to meditate on it more. I think I've just had a very negative view of money since for the most part, I've seen a lot of greed and selfishness arise from it. This may sound strange, but I feel like God's been working in my life and preparing my heart to protect me against materialism in some sense? For example, I've always always disliked how my mom decorates my room with bombastic drapery and rich-looking furniture. And telling her I disliked my soap dispenser because it was too fancy haha. And how I always wanted a floor futon, yet they gave me a queen-sized bed. And my mom would always get upset whenever I threw out or gave away my clothes. Speaking of which, I'm currently trying to clean out my closet. I have a nauseating amount of clothes, my goal is to donate at least a third of my clothing. But not to say I wasn't spoiled because I totally am.
I think money changes people. I think my dad and mom were both negatively changed by money, hence, I don't like dealing with it. But I feel like these past two years I've been ministered to have a more biblical view of money that my parents don't. But it's hard to say since I haven't really had any lately. And it's easy to say negative things about money when I am not in need of it. I'm still sorting through my feelings of entitlement. I have more to say, but I should probably go to sleep since people are already waking up.
You know, at the end of the year I felt kind of uneasy about graduating early since I felt that I could grow deeper in relationships and experiences had I stayed, but lately I've been reassured of God's faithfulness. God is good :)