(no subject)
I hope one day i rise up, pick myself out of other people's heads so i don't have to worry exactly what i'm doing in them.
Maybe then i can continue on, without a worry, without the constant fear of degradation, downfall, and ill fortune; all of which plague and buzz round me like the most pissed-off swarm of insects anyone could possibly imagine.
It's not like i've got it bad. It isn't at all to do with the fact that i haven't had the odd good time spent. I just long for a minute that doesn't contain a heart-wrenching worry, or for an hour alone when my own thoughts don't physically make me jump out of my skin when i realise something i've done, or should have done.
I have negected this journal lately, and i intend to change it, and start using more than i ever had. I need to write things down more often. I haven't in ages, and refraining from that makes me build things up too high. I was scared of some people who i thought were reading it. Now that these people have shown their true colours, and i have displayed mine, i don't care who reads it and who doesn't. And i'm not going to do what i've done so many times before and change my name.
I need to go now. Perhaps a walk will do me good to clear my head before i start work. These night-shifts are enervating, but at least they stop me from sleeping. I sleep too much.
Maybe then i can continue on, without a worry, without the constant fear of degradation, downfall, and ill fortune; all of which plague and buzz round me like the most pissed-off swarm of insects anyone could possibly imagine.
It's not like i've got it bad. It isn't at all to do with the fact that i haven't had the odd good time spent. I just long for a minute that doesn't contain a heart-wrenching worry, or for an hour alone when my own thoughts don't physically make me jump out of my skin when i realise something i've done, or should have done.
I have negected this journal lately, and i intend to change it, and start using more than i ever had. I need to write things down more often. I haven't in ages, and refraining from that makes me build things up too high. I was scared of some people who i thought were reading it. Now that these people have shown their true colours, and i have displayed mine, i don't care who reads it and who doesn't. And i'm not going to do what i've done so many times before and change my name.
I need to go now. Perhaps a walk will do me good to clear my head before i start work. These night-shifts are enervating, but at least they stop me from sleeping. I sleep too much.