So you're seeing a tweeker?

[hopeyxhopey]

Way to add to the ever growing list of unfortunate events taking over your meek life. Meh. It's so funny who is friends and who isn't nowadays. Like "where the fuck did THAT come from?" moments spurt out of my mouth and even more in my mind so frequently it's pestering to say the least. Sometimes I pretend and say I love those and I live for those moments of realization but I really do not. I'm sure at least someone sensed that one coming, or rather still does. I don't love them though, and I never have. I love that feeling of relief when I confront such situations though. They make me feel normal. Hating is my norm you know. It's back to the hypocrite syndromes and the accusation proclamations made by many a "friend" way back when. What happened to sworn enemies guys? What happened to hating guts and wishing death upon young family members? What happened to the tear filled late night diss sessions between us all? I like to always think about what I've said prior and take it into consideration. The past is the past, most motherfucking definitely, but don't ever do the opposite of what you said you would. This wasn't life changing experience after another and decades later realizing you were wrong and trying to correct. This is praying and hoping no one recalls what you said just last month, and going on as if even you don't. We know you do, we see it in your shifting eyes. Sometimes lazy ones or even oversized glasses is a problem, but still, the point becomes clear soon whether you like that part or not. I hate being accused of things I had no piece or say in. I hate knowing who you've been with and who you'll always go back to, even when you don't know it yet. I do like that part. But just seeing person by person around me lose their spine (in most cases it just falls right out of their ass is one perfectly pick-upable piece, and then when the person turns around to acknowledge it, they stare briefly and leave it to disintegrate, just carrying on as if that is unneeded) is very depressing and a letdown larger than anything I have ever experienced. You need that! You are nothing without it! Usually the ones without said body part are the ones that take advice least. You know who I am talking about. Going back into abusive relationships fully aware of what is to come. The girls ditching their "besties fer lyfeee" for boys with small smelly cocks. The boys going to the easiest girl that they know they will still never have the 'way they want to have them'. They surround me..all of us are them. You fit into something for some reason. I guess you can change the outside, and the things you say and do. Maybe even the way you walk or write your lowercase a's. That inside will always stay intact (intestinal lining is thicker than the bond with simple muscles/tendons/bones?), and that yearning to please and be heard by all the wrong ears will haunt you even when giving in. I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning, or even being curious, it's just the blatant taker-backers that bother. Please do not tell me one thing fully aware that there is more than a 97% possibility that you will go out later that same night and do the opposite of whatever that was. Just don't? Simple it would seem. I mean, I know if there was a chance (no matter how unbelievably minuscule) that hey, maybe my ass will get some SOMETHING tonight, no way in hell would I tell you that I didn't shave my pussy and throw that jimmy hat in my bag. Just in case. Be honest. I don't care about the shit like who you were talking to or why you didn't call, just the avoidable things. Ugh, everything is avoidable though. I confuse myself with this nonsense much too late at night every night. Rekindling is nice. Just as making up and talking things out is. It's sad that the latter two never ever ever happen with people. At least not with simple people that make up eighty two percent of the population surrounding between the ages of 14 and 23. It seems the "fuck the forgive let's just pretend to forget....*whisper: at least till the next blowout occurs, yeah?: end whisper*" method is what is favored. You know you love it too. SO EASY, riiiight? Well yeah, like I said until next time rolls around and you open that two year old pungent as hell can of worms about the time at the beach when she called you fat and you secretly never forgave her, but pretended too because you knew if you broke it off because of that, you'd have no one and you'd rather have some smelly ass shit than no shit at all. It is like that. Then it starts up again, but with more fuel and more people conveniently around you in a circle that all happen to smoke frequently so they're equipped always with Zippo's. And all that nonsense bubbling inside that cauldron of hate you called gut passion spews out of your mouth and pores and fists and splashes all over that target you've wanted to maul since that remark. The second time is never even the last. It might be the pituitary gland fucking you up but why the back and forth? The on again off again? What is wrong with off? What is the big issue with talking through the bullshit even if it means risking something potentially "decent"? All I know (yes KNOW) is that based on the goings on in the past, that method is utterly foolproof. Foolproof in fucking everything you ever held dear to your heart up. Every little thing. It will eat away at your soul while forcing you to pretend to be happy and answer phone calls you wouldn't if you hadn't left your backbone all alone in the dust long ago. It will mess up the way you see yourself and others and annihilate the little self-esteem you had (yes, you). Just why pretend? No wonder this place produces the monsters it does. That canal creature excuse has been out the window since about 1997, now what? It's just all controllable. Substance abuse as a cause of strictly nature. SO sure, bro. It's your hand holding that. It's your head wearily nodding (there was a physical AND emotional reason for those chills you got) as you watch them cut those perfect lines and ask you if you want to join in. Don't forget to close the door behind you. There is still free will and very much yours for the taking. If there were ever a never ending amount of anything in the world..well, you know where I'm going with that. Just stop and think. Remember where you came from and realize that everything you are doing you control and that there's room to slip up. I guess the only other thing is to remember you aren't the only thing on the planet with a heartbeat worth hearing, and that other people are exactly the same. What a shocker, ay?

*On the upside of THINGS, I am on the search for a tattoo gun. A real fly one that is adjustable with a warranty. I'll probably end up buying some sort of beginners kit, but whatever works for now. I need to start scarring the ones around me for life with ink instead of mere words. Christmas money anyone? Let's get ready for some blasphemy.

**On the other less direct upside, I think I'm starting a new thing whenever I get on this called "Quote of the Day". It's pretty self-explanatory I guess. I think I'll forget after this one but it's worth a shot.

"Since when do rappers wear tight pants?" -Kyle
As if you invented wearing tight pants and listening not directly or only to rap. Since when do boys who curse all pants that don't leave grooves in your skin to hell start listening secretly to rap and singing it when only around a select few? Huh? Gahaha. That one and few of Julie's hilarious one liners took my cake today. My cheesecake that is, now fuggetaboutit.

Edit: And what's up with everyone and their fucking mother taking pictures for Myspace with that one girl? Does she give it up easy? Does she have beer flavored nipples? Let me guess..she's just a really nice chick. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!