(no subject)

[hopeyoudance]

I just cried, and i mean full out sobbing, by myself for the first time since it ended.
I cried for what we had
I cried for how much of myself I put into our relationship
I cried for how hard I tried to make him happy
I cried because he can just let things go
I cried because the year is ending and I may never see him, talk to him, hold him, kiss him again

I cried for Rachelle and how she never got to live her full life
I cried because today is her birthday and she chose not to see it

But mostly I cried for myself. I have not been fully single since the beginning of my junior year. and before that, the beginning of sophomore year. I don't know how to be myself without a boyfriend. I have likes and dislikes of my own, but I don't like being alone. I'm okay for an hour or two, then I get lonely. I used to spend all of my time alone and I had no problem with it. What's wrong with me now?

I got myself into the habit of needing someone to want me. Needing someone to need me back. Needing someone to be there whenever I needed or wanted them. Needing someone to hold me. Needing someone to love me.

I just want someone to love me as much as I love them.