(no subject)
I'm just so bummed right now...I can't believe Aja took her from me. She was supposed to be my dog. Mine. I had every single thing ready, I moved into a fucking house for that puppy. Now she still wants to come home with me after ripping my fucking heart out? You're god damn high. I'm so angry, I really don't know what to do. I had my heart set on her, and now I'm just sad. I'm so sad. I'm not excited for anything right now. I want to try and make everything okay but I honestly don't know how to right now. There's just so amnyt things happening for me right now. I feel physically ill, she has pictures with other girls and idk what's going on in my head and heart. I'm hurting, hurting so badly. I know I need to get better, get happy. I could be happy without her, but I had my heart set on that puppy...on maliyah. I don't know, I'm just trying to work out my feelings right now. Have no filter. I think I need to get my happy ass into shape again. I feel like the happier I am with myself...the better I will be in a relationship. I also need to stop making future plans with people.
2nd day no alcohol, I'm so proud of myself for pouring that shit out the other day. I don't think I would have been able to resist last night if I hadn't taken that action before. People have been continously been talking about drinking all day today. I think I just notice it more now because I don't want it in or around my life. I know now it's a little tough but in the end it will be worth it. Emotionally I've veered in the wrong direction when it comes to drinking. I'm using it as a coping method and that's not safe... or right.
2nd day no alcohol, I'm so proud of myself for pouring that shit out the other day. I don't think I would have been able to resist last night if I hadn't taken that action before. People have been continously been talking about drinking all day today. I think I just notice it more now because I don't want it in or around my life. I know now it's a little tough but in the end it will be worth it. Emotionally I've veered in the wrong direction when it comes to drinking. I'm using it as a coping method and that's not safe... or right.