I lied...
Mostly to myself. I spent the last week convincng myself I was okay. I hardly cried at all. I just kept going and going and going. Kept myself busy, barely told anyone anything.
It took a night of complete drunkeness, throwing up everywhere, and crying for 3 hours to realize I am definitely not okay. My poor roommate sat with my drunk ass for almost 3 hours while I just bawled my eyes out. She was so amazing and supportive. As were all my wonderful sisters. And I had looked so cute earlier in the night!! lol I just kept saying "I thought I was okay." And Yes, Im better than last time, but that doesnt mean I have to okay. So I let it all out. And the floodgates just poured everywhere.
I needed that. Really badly. Well not the drunken part, but the crying. I barely even cried when it happened. I realized it's okay for me not to be okay. And its going to take a long time to get better. Right now I just need to hurt. And that's okay.
It's going to take me time. A long time. But Im strong. So much stronger than before.
Its hard standing on my own two feet when I havent for so long..............but its a lot easier when you have amazing friends holding you up until your legs heal.