(no subject)
I'm not sure why, but for the past few days I've been in one of those moods that I dont care what happens with anything. Its such an awkward mood, I really dont like it.
I've been thinking about growing up a lot, and where I'm going to be in ten years from now, and to be honest, I'm scared shitless. I wish I knew whats going to happen as the years go by. I wish I understood life better, I really do. I just dont know what to think about it, at all. I know what I want to do, I just dont know how I'm going to do it, and if I'm going to be good at it. I want more then anything in the world to meet myself in ten-twenty years from now. That would be amazing.
I hate being sad. I hate being depressed. I hate it even more when I dont know why I feel like this. I havent had this feeling since freshman year, and all of the sudden its just comming back to me. What the fuck. It feels like I'm crashing and no one can save me from it. I feel like all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry and think and write and do nothing but be a big baby. It's all I really want to do, actually. I've been crying to much. I dont like crying, I dont like feeling alone, I dont like feeling depressed. Why does this shit have to happen to me? It feels almost like everything hits me at once, and I when this happends because this time around I really dont feel emotionally stable enough to handle it. I want my stupid emotions to go away. I hope they do go away soon because I cant take feeling like this much longer. It's driveing me crazy.
I really wish I knew who I could trust and who I cant. I thought I knew all along, but I'm only sure of one person that I could trust with anything right now, and I know that she'll never hurt me or let me down or leave me hanging for anything, and I love her and adore her more then anything in the world. I just hope she knows how much I love her and care about her.
I got bored last night, So I wrote this...thought I'd share it..its gay but ohhhh well.
You ment so much to me, but now you're gone. It's funny how we were so amazing, but now where done. When you come around, I feel alone. I wish you could see what you've done to me, who I am, and how I've changed since the day you went away. It's been months now, no call, no nothing, just a lousy letter telling me you love me and things will nev er change. I love when you say forever.
"I'll be by your side, always and forever "
I didnt know "forever" ment till you found her. Your new "always and forever". What happened to us? What happened to love, lust, charm? Dont lie, you cant deny.
You still love me, and Oh my god do I still love you.<3
Blehhh. I hate loveing someone so much it hurts. Chris broke my heart, and I'll never forget it, but thats never going to stop me from loveing him for the rest of my life. He was my first love, my first everything, I'll never forget it, or him or our memories. I wish I could but I cant.
I'm going to now though, I'm makeing myself think to much. I hate thinking to much, it makes me feel like shit even more, and I dont want that.
Goodnight, sweetdreams<3
I've been thinking about growing up a lot, and where I'm going to be in ten years from now, and to be honest, I'm scared shitless. I wish I knew whats going to happen as the years go by. I wish I understood life better, I really do. I just dont know what to think about it, at all. I know what I want to do, I just dont know how I'm going to do it, and if I'm going to be good at it. I want more then anything in the world to meet myself in ten-twenty years from now. That would be amazing.
I hate being sad. I hate being depressed. I hate it even more when I dont know why I feel like this. I havent had this feeling since freshman year, and all of the sudden its just comming back to me. What the fuck. It feels like I'm crashing and no one can save me from it. I feel like all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry and think and write and do nothing but be a big baby. It's all I really want to do, actually. I've been crying to much. I dont like crying, I dont like feeling alone, I dont like feeling depressed. Why does this shit have to happen to me? It feels almost like everything hits me at once, and I when this happends because this time around I really dont feel emotionally stable enough to handle it. I want my stupid emotions to go away. I hope they do go away soon because I cant take feeling like this much longer. It's driveing me crazy.
I really wish I knew who I could trust and who I cant. I thought I knew all along, but I'm only sure of one person that I could trust with anything right now, and I know that she'll never hurt me or let me down or leave me hanging for anything, and I love her and adore her more then anything in the world. I just hope she knows how much I love her and care about her.
I got bored last night, So I wrote this...thought I'd share it..its gay but ohhhh well.
You ment so much to me, but now you're gone. It's funny how we were so amazing, but now where done. When you come around, I feel alone. I wish you could see what you've done to me, who I am, and how I've changed since the day you went away. It's been months now, no call, no nothing, just a lousy letter telling me you love me and things will nev er change. I love when you say forever.
"I'll be by your side, always and forever "
I didnt know "forever" ment till you found her. Your new "always and forever". What happened to us? What happened to love, lust, charm? Dont lie, you cant deny.
You still love me, and Oh my god do I still love you.<3
Blehhh. I hate loveing someone so much it hurts. Chris broke my heart, and I'll never forget it, but thats never going to stop me from loveing him for the rest of my life. He was my first love, my first everything, I'll never forget it, or him or our memories. I wish I could but I cant.
I'm going to now though, I'm makeing myself think to much. I hate thinking to much, it makes me feel like shit even more, and I dont want that.
Goodnight, sweetdreams<3