Kiss Me, Mummy (4/12)

[hopelesswreck]

Title: Kiss Me, Mummy
Author:
hopelesswreck
Prompt: The Mummy
Character/Pairing(s): Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, John Hart, Gwen Cooper; Jack/Ianto, slight Owen/Tosh
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Slight swearing, mild violence
Spoilers: TW- to mid-season 2, before Something Borrowed
Word Count: 49,600
Disclaimer: The Mummy is property of Universal Pictures. Torchwood is property of BBC.
Summary: An adventure involving time travel, a mysterious golden key, a treasure map, and--kissing?--oh and there's a mummy in there too...somewhere. You know-- Torchwood.
Beta: XCandypopX
Author's Notes: Written for
reel_torchwood . Most dialogue taken from the film The Mummy (1999) but with a Torchwood flare. Most likely a bit of a crack fic so enter with an open mind-



Chapter 4

The endless, sunbaked Sahara stretched out before them, sizzling like a frying pan, the heat coming at the four men in dizzying waves. They were moving over hard, sandy terrain littered with stones and while Jack himself was not one for enjoying the rather bumpy ride on camel-back, Owen even less so, Ianto seemed to have bonded with his ride, giving the animal affectionate pats every so often.

Acquiring the camels, or flea bitten, mangy beasts as Owen called them, took quite a bite out of their cash supply. After their fortunate rescue by some traveling local merchants, they were taken to a nearby trading post right next to an oasis, where they filled up on supplies, camp equipment and food.

Jack was lamenting the loss of a particular black SUV and the certain indoor comforts he'd become accustomed to when he was greeted by the sight of Ianto Jones emerging from a nearby tent. He'd downright refused to journey forth in only a pair of pajamas and right now, dressed in a native garb made of a deep blue that made his eyes stand out even more prominently; Jack was feeling his mouth water just looking at him. It was getting harder and harder not to jump the man every time he saw him.

They'd started their trek through the green valley of the Nile, enjoying the smells of grass and clovers, but only a few hours in and their camels were shuffling over the flat, stone littered desert floor. A ground that hadn't seen rain in quite a while, if ever.

Owen was complaining again, "Filthy buggers," he said to Jack. "They smell, they bite, never seen the like."

Behind him Warden Hassan, the ever present pain, was chomping on some recently acquired dates, spitting the seeds at the ground as flies flew around his unwashed hair, looking very much like a camel himself.

"Well," Ianto countered. "I don't think they're so bad." He moved his camel up closer to Jack, "I believe Owen's just being peevish because his bourbon supply is currently at the bottom of the Nile somewhere."

"Bloody waste," Owen lamented.

Jack squinted against the blinding sun, "I don't think Owen's the only one that's going to be peevish by the end of this."

Ianto gave a small smile that seemed to slip sometime later, "I've been thinking-"

"About what?"

"Well, it's-" Ianto pursed his lips. "The men on the boat, the ones who attacked us, I feel like they were trying to halt us in our-quest."

"How so?"

"I noticed a rather prominent tattoo on the one who-" Ianto's hand went absently to his throat and he shook his head, "-I believe they belonged to a cult most have thought long gone. The Med-jai. They're said to be the guardians of the City of the Dead."

"And you think we'll run into more of them?"

"Difficult to say, but to my knowledge no one has seen or heard from them in over a century and we happen to run into them on a boat in the middle of the Nile on our way to the city that they're said to protect. I find that a bit troubling, don't you?"

Jack half shrugged, this whole damn thing was troubling as far as he was concerned. "If they do show up again, I'll protect you."

He didn't see the blush as Ianto turned his face away from him.

As the afternoon wore on, Jack knew spirits were slowly starting to wane. It was a tough ride, the bumpiness of the camel's back wasn't exactly comfortable and with the draining of the sun overhead, talking of any kind came to a complete halt. A little while later he spotted a small cluster of palms and as soon as he convinced himself it wasn't some sort of mirage, he directed them to set up camp for the night.

The flaming sun set in streaks of red and purple across the horizon and the furnace of the day soon turned to the freezing cold of night. They set up the four tents they'd purchased earlier and all huddled around a small fire. Owen mumbled and complained while Ianto looked ready to collapse at any second; Jack knew they had to be exhausted. He rose and clapped his hands to garner their attention.

"Alright kiddos, go get some sleep. We'll get up around one, so we can beat the sun for a while." This meant only a couple hours of rest, but the idea of traveling under the stars versus the blazing sun sounded more than a little inviting.

He got little argument and despite keeping the fire going, the desert cold was downright brutal. Still, the view was, as Ianto had put it, quite nice, serene even. The purple star studded sky of the desert night was a marvel for any man to behold.

If only the sounds were as peaceful.

The thunder-like snoring from Warden Hassan was unlike anything Jack had ever heard before. And considering how long he'd been around, that was saying something. Owen grumbled rather loudly from his own tent about the noise, tossing and turning before finally giving into exhaustion and began snoring softly himself. Jack was in a half daze of almost unconsciousness when he felt someone shift beside him.

Not that Jack had purposely misplaced Ianto's tent or anything, but the other man was huddled next to him in their shared tent and obviously freezing.

"As much as I love listening to your teeth chatter wouldn't you rather move a bit closer-"

"I'm quite fine, thank you," Ianto bit out.

The shivering and chattering continued and Jack had finally heard enough.

"Sure you are,"

Without warning Jack grabbed the huddled man and pressed him tightly to him, causing Ianto to huff into his chest. The Welshman fought back for only the slightest moment and it was half hearted at best.

"See?" Jack laughed. "Nothing a little cuddling can't solve."

Ianto frowned, but didn't pull away. Eventually his eyes slipped closed.

Jack mostly watched him sleep, though he caught a few winks of sleep here and there.

When Jack softly woke him a few hours later, Ianto looked a bit embarrassed at their predicament of twisted limbs and shared body heat. He excused himself and Jack set about rousing the others. Rousing Owen was a bit like rousing an irritated bear and Jack was disappointed to see Warden Hassan was already packing up their (or rather his) stuff. He'd just as soon leave the fat, balding man to rot in the desert, but it seemed the warden was to journey with them the whole way.

Unfortunately, the few hours of rest didn't seem enough and the rocking of the camels beneath them put Jack's three companions to sleep. Though upright, Owen's head was thrown back and his eyes closed while Warden Hassan was sawing logs with his mouth agape. Ianto seemed to fight it the longest, but even he too was starting to shift forward, eyes closed and Jack had to push him back before he fell off his saddle.

The whole ride, until the bitter cold of night turned into the heat of the returning sun, Jack swore they were being watched. By what, or rather who, he didn't know but he couldn't help recalling Ianto's warning about the Med-jai. Were they somewhere atop one of these ridges, waiting to strike?

Jack was pulled from his thoughts by the arguing of the now very awake Owen Harper and Warden Hassan, each accusing the other of snoring. Then they hit a sand dune.

"We're almost there," Jack called back to them.

"How can you tell?" Ianto asked. "It all looks the same."

"Not if you pay attention to the road signs," Jack nodded to his left at what looked at first like a formation of rocks, but slowly revealed itself to be in fact human bones.

"Bloody hell," Owen said. "Poor blighters. Who do you think they were?"

"Others seeking the City of the Dead," Warden Hassan said with a shiver not brought on by any chill in the air.

Amidst the bones was a sign written in Arabic.

"What's it say?" Owen asked jokingly. "Keep off the grass."

Ianto shook his head, "No. It's a warning. Go back-stay away."

"Well," Owen swallowed, "I was fairly close."

"That looks new," Jack observed. He looked at Ianto. "I don't suppose it's from your friends the Med-jai, is it?"

Ianto didn't answer, but his expression was grave. Then he turned towards the rumbling sound coming from behind them. Hoofbeats from several horses pounded against the ground. At the far end of the sand dune what looked like at least a dozen riders were coming towards them.

And leading the pack was a man in a red military coat and a wide smile. John Hart had returned, once again.

"It's those blasted Americans," Owen said. Indeed they too were part of the troupe coming to a halt right in front of them.

"Well, well, what a small desert this must be," John Hart looked like nobility atop a steed, surrounded by men, who looked more like servants, behind him. His eyes moved over Jack to Owen and finally to Ianto, "What a nice view you seem to have, eh Jack?"

"Piss off," Jack snapped.

"Captain, do you know him?" Ianto asked, looking at John uncertainly.

"He's an old pal," Jack's eyes hardened, "and nothing more."

"One of these days Jack, you'll have to stop lying to yourself. It's very unbecoming."

"Why are you here John?" Jack waved at the caravan following him. "What's this all about?"

"This?" John raised a brow. "These nice gentlemen helped me get to shore after I was so rudely pushed overboard by some Neanderthal with absolutely no manners whatsoever. In exchange for helping me I told these lovely chaps I'd help them find this city everyone's become so obsessed with." John winked and leaned closer to whisper at Jack, "Aren't they cute? I'm thinking about keeping them. What do you think; chains and leashes?"

The blond American, Henderson called, "Don't forget our bet, Harkness. Five hundred to whoever reaches the city first."

Jack nodded, but his attention was elsewhere. He really wanted to get away from John and his new group of goons as soon as possible. "Get ready," He said to Ianto.

"Ready for what?"

"We're going to be shown the way."

And just as the sun fell in the right position, the fabled ruins of Hamanaptra beckoned in the distance. Jack took off, causing the rest of his team to follow. He grinned an especially wide grin, for Jack Harkness knew that in the climate of the desert, while graceful, even the most magnificent Arabian steed was no match for a camel. No matter how mangy.

***

Within the ruins of the temple complex of Hamanaptra, the rival expeditions set up neighboring camps of tents. Dozens of stray camels roamed the area, buzzing with flies and overloaded with bags thrown over their humps. Their presence put a swallow of worry in Jack's stomach. Ianto noticed his stricken expression and watched the animals roam aimlessly about.

"Where do you think those poor creatures came from?"

Jack's sky blue eyes looked back at him, "They're waiting for their masters to return." He swallowed, "Unfortunately, I think the sand and vultures took care of them first."

Ianto's eyes shadowed and Jack was half convinced the man was going to ask to adopt the smelly creatures.

John, his expedition full of Americans and laborers, sat back and watched as the diggers and workers he'd acquired set up work tables and dug holes with their picks and rakes to raise their massive tents and other very advanced looking equipment. His group had clearly come prepared. The Americans weren't doing any of the dredge work and John himself sat in a shaded area looking princely and smug. He called out to Jack, "Don't forget Jackie, if you get bit by any snakes you have to crisscross an x with your knife to suck the venom out."

Burns, the American with the glasses squinted at him, "What if you can't reach the wound yourself?"

"Yeah," Owen countered, shuffling sand from his trousers as he rose from putting up his now rather pathetic looking tent, "What if it's on your arse?"

"Oh don't worry, I'll help you with that personally," John winked and Owen turned an unsightly shade of green before disappearing further up the camp.

The rival group was keeping their distance, and thankfully, so was John. It was obvious the American's didn't view Jack's small troupe as any kind of competition, which was just fine with Jack. The former Egyptologist, Dr. Chamberlin had been overheard saying they were a group led by a convict, a librarian, a walking time-bomb and washed up camel dung. What could they possibly know?

The comment didn't bother Ianto, who saw the dismissal as a possible point of advantage. It would ward off any kind of possible sabotage or interference if the Americans saw them as a joke and not a threat. And unlike them and all their boast-filled words, Ianto actually knew where to start digging.

And he didn't waste a moment.

***

The upper portion of a time withered statue of Anubis poked through the sands, revealing what appeared to be a cavern, or rather a carved out chamber in the darkness below.

From his knees, Ianto examined the crevice with three faces, including Jack Harkness and Owen Harper, looming down on him.

"This is the entrance." Ianto was sure of it.

"Ianto, that's a hole in the ground," Jack said, not at all hiding the fact he'd just been checking out Ianto's ass. "It's not man made. I've never spent a day in an archaeologist's classroom (bedroom maybe) and even I know that."

"You're right. It's not man-made, but men still used it," Ianto replied, standing and brushing sand away from a shining surface that seemed to catch the sun at the motion. The beam went straight into Owen's eyes.

"Bloody Hell Jones, watch it."

Affixed to the rocky edge on the left side of the crevice just wide enough to accommodate a man, was a large round reflective surface, embossed on each of its sides were hieroglyphics carved out of bronze.

"A mirror," Jack said, eyes tightening.

Ianto explained, "This was a shrine and years ago this crevice was no doubt covered with either sand or wood. Pharaohs always took advantage of natural rock formations, caves and the like, but they used solid rock for their burial vaults. I believe below us is a city of caverns, but more than that, I believe there are chambers cut from solid rock."

"I certainly hope that means treasure and not just rotting bones."

Ianto ignored Owen and instructed them to find more mirrors hidden along the lip of the crevice and within an hour half a dozen or so of the ancient mirrors were uncovered on either side.

"What are they for?" Jack asked, brushing himself off.

"Think of it as an ancient Egyptian lighting system," Ianto moved around the crevice, positing the mirrors to catch the sunlight. It was mostly a guess if they were placed right or not, "If I'm correct, you should be able to see for yourselves."

"Alright," Jack's lips smacked, but he hesitated at the prospect of the dark hole before them. "I'm guessing we have to go down there."

"Correct you are, sir."

Jack began to tie a rope around a nearby pillar and threw the remainder of the heavy rope into the darkness below. He doused the end of an unlit torch in kerosene, "I'll signal you when it's safe," he said. "I don't want to make too much noise and alert the other team."

Before he forgot, Jack reached into his pack and tossed Ianto a small brown leather pouch, "Here, something I err-borrowed from one of our American friends, when I went to wish them luck." He grinned and grabbing tight on the rope, jumped into the crevice, and began rappelling down.

As he unrolled the pouch, Ianto smiled softly. It was filled with archaeologist's tools of all shapes and sizes.

A few minutes later, the orange waving signal of a lit torch below told them it was safe. After an endless round of after yous between Owen and Warden Hassan, the larger man begrudgingly went first.

"I suppose if it can support his weight, we should be fine," Owen smiled at Ianto, going down next.

Ianto went down last, feeling Jack's hand on his back as he finished his descent. He tried to ignore the warmth of Jack's touch and why it made his heart beat just a tiny bit faster and instead focused his attention on studying the chamber they were in. Straight smooth walls were decorated with geometric designs, stunning figures of gods and goddesses carved in the rock. It was beautiful.

"Where's the treasure?" Warden Hassan demanded, breaking the feeling of wonder.

"Help yourself to my share of the spider webs," Jack said, brushing some away. He lit the second torch and handed it to Owen, who crinkled his nose.

"What is that awful smell?" Owen's voice wavered in disgust. "It smells like bloody death."

Warden Hassan twitched his nose, leaning near Owen, he sniffed, "I don't smell anything."

At his intrusion, Owen pulled away, before he passed out from the sweat soaked man's stench. "Never mind, I seem to have found the source."

Warden Hassan sneered and backed away.

Ianto took Jack by the arm and pointed, "Shine that torch over there." With the aid of the light, he found just what he needed, a metal disk mounted to the stone wall. Ianto brushed away the cobwebs and repositioned the disc on its pedestal, aiming it at the ray of light that lingered down from above. The ray hit the disk and bounced off every one of the outside mirrors, illuminating the entire underground chamber.

Jack whistled, "Neat trick."

"Oh my god," Ianto breathed, taking it all in. His hand raised as he followed the hieroglyphs now illuminated enough for him to translate, "It's a Sah-Netjer."

"Exactly what I was going to say," Owen said dryly.

"Sah Netjer? Which is what?" Jack asked.

"A preparation room," Ianto nodded toward an altar-like pedestal in the middle of the room. "For entering the afterlife."

"Bloody hell," Owen said. "It's a bloody mummy factory!"

"Mummies?" Jack said. That was a new one. "Certainly never run into one of those before."

"Now we need to find the statue of Anubis-" Ianto looked to Jack who still had the torch. "Would you mind-" He pointed the direction and Jack shone the torch, revealing a hidden passageway.

Jack smirked, "Shall we?"

The tunnel was narrow with a low ceiling and infested with cobwebs. Crouching rather uncomfortably, they crawled their way through, heading where the statute should be. A chittering, scurrying sound coming from the walls froze them in their tracks.

"Sounds like bugs," Owen offered weakly from behind Ianto.

"Shall we hurry up then?" Warden Hassan asked from the rear.

Jack brandished his Webley, musing to himself that this was all starting to remind him of some old horror flick. Being in Torchwood, he'd seen some strange things and he knew when to be ready.

Pressing forward, they moved deeper and deeper until they emerged into a cavern. The statue of Anubis, through time or possibly an earthquake or two, had partially dropped. Still it was the part they needed, the bottom half of the giant idol.

A sound of movement-was it the bugs or something more? Ianto wasn't sure. Whatever it was it seemed to come from the other side of the statue.

Jack handed Ianto the torch and whispered, "Stay close," he withdrew his other gun.

The sound of movement increased. Whoever, whatever it was, it was almost upon them. Jack lunged around the base of the statue-and found three sweaty figures lunging towards him. The Americans all armed with their own revolvers. They thrust their revolvers at Jack and he returned the gesture.

"Stop!" Ianto cried.

The two parties froze in mid action, both poised and ready to shoot the other. Behind the Americans was the figure of John Hart, Dr. Chamberlin and a group of wide eyed native diggers.

"Jesus, Harkness you scared the hell out of us," Henderson said, backing off.

Jack took a step back, lowering his weapons. The Americans followed the gesture, lowering, but not holstering their weapons.

"Hey," Burns bespectacled eyes narrowed at the leather pouch, "That's mine." He took a step forward and met the end of Jack's Webley.

"I think not," Jack said. "But if you'd like to borrow a bullet, just ask."

"On second look, I think my pouch was a bit bigger than that," Burns smiled nervously, backing away. "My mistake."

John moved up to Jack, in-between the two camps and said calmly, "Gentlemen, gentlemen, I'm sure we can figure something out. We are civilized men here, after all."

Ianto also moved up to Jack, almost defensively, "Yes, I believe we can, Mr-?"

John grinned, "John Hart, but you can call me whatever you like, eye candy."

Ianto's face tightened, "Well Mr. Hart. I'm afraid my companions and I have considerable work to do. Now if you would kindly get out of our way."

"Cheeky," John noted. "I like that."

Dr. Chamberlin, face tight with controlled anger, moved up between Henderson and Daniels, saying," Young man, this is our dig site. I'm afraid I must ask you to kindly vacate these premises."

Jack glared at him, arms folded, "And if we refuse?"

His words brought about exchanged glances and instead of calming anyone, the guns raised again, bringing them back to square one. The tension mounted and violence was just waiting to erupt at any second.

"Well, this is going well," John said with a grin, his gun drawn, but not pointed at either party.

Daniels, who didn't speak much, directed a rather nasty glare at Jack, "This is our statue-pal."

"Funny," Jack smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile. "I don't see your name carved on it anywhere-chum."

Ianto watched helplessly as the two men bantered back and forth. All three Americans looked ready to shoot at any given moment and while a good shot, one against an entire group wasn't great odds in Jack's favor. Wanting to stop it, but not knowing how, his eyes dropped, where Ianto noticed for the first time, a wide crack in the floor. He shifted his foot and toed some pebbles into the crack-where they hit bottom below.

His eyes widened as the realization hit him-

There was a second chamber below them!

"Alright gentlemen," Ianto tried his most charming tone, accent as distinguished as possible, "I think we can all agree this is a rather large site and your group is so much bigger than ours. We'll concede this statue to you. After all, there's plenty here to go around."

Tensions only slightly eased and Dr. Chamberlin still seemed especially suspicious. Ianto touched Jack's arm gently, but pointedly, "There are other places to dig."

Jack gave the slightest hint of a nod, but didn't lower his gun until they were well out of the chamber, never turning his back on the Americans and especially John. Ianto, Owen and Warden Hassan followed his lead and the chamber filled with mocking laughter at their exit. They were already down the passageway, but Jack was ready to fly back in guns blazing, when Ianto grabbed his arm and lifted a finger to his lips in a hush gesture. "Listen."

Dr. Chamberlin's voice echoed, "The next step is for me to translate these hieroglyphs-which should lead us to the location of Sati's treasure."

Ianto smiled and ushered them back toward the preparation chamber still illuminated by the sun and the mirrors, "Apparently the good doctor is unaware of the secret compartment," he told the group. "He's looking for Set's treasure not the Book of Amun Ra."

"That's what we should be seeking," Warden Hassan snapped. "Not some blasted book."

"There has to be a chamber below here," Ianto continued. "We just have to find a way down there."

They headed back into the labyrinth and within minutes they found a tunnel heading downward. Another journey of crouching and cobwebs and they arrived in another chamber almost identical to the preparation chamber, only smaller and with a much lower ceiling, almost right above their heads.

"They had more than one of these things?" Jack asked in disgust.

"Three actually," Ianto replied. He moved about the chamber, finding the exact location he assumed would be correct, "I believe we should be about right under the statue."

Owen glanced at the giant crack in the ceiling with a grin, "And when those damn dirty Yanks go to sleep-oh, sorry Harkness."

Jack just smiled mildly.

Owen continued, "We dig our way back up and steal the book from right under their Yankee noses."

Jack flashed his torch, fanning the walls around them in orange and red, "And you're sure you can find the secret compartment?" he asked Ianto.

"Yes. That is assuming Dr. Chamberlin doesn't find it first."

"Should we start digging now?" Owen asked, not quite enjoying the idea of the actual physical labor to be involved.

Jack nodded, "They'll be expecting us to be digging."

"I have to say though, the smell has greatly improved in here, don't you think?" Owen said as Jack handed him a chisel from his pack. Glancing around he added, "Hey, where's our friend gone off to?"

Warden Hassan was gone and Jack wasn't sure whether he should be worried or not. He shrugged it off and they set about their digging.

***
Chapter 5