Kiss Me, Mummy (2/12)
Title: Kiss Me, Mummy
Author:
hopelesswreck
Prompt: The Mummy
Character/Pairing(s): Jack, Ianto, Owen, Tosh, John Hart, Gwen Cooper; Jack/Ianto, slight Owen/Tosh
Rating: Teen
Warnings: Slight swearing, mild violence
Spoilers: TW- to mid-season 2, before Something Borrowed
Word Count: 49,600
Disclaimer: The Mummy is property of Universal Pictures. Torchwood is property of BBC.
Summary: An adventure involving time travel, a mysterious golden key, a treasure map, and--kissing?--oh and there's a mummy in there too...somewhere. You know-- Torchwood.
Beta: XCandypopX
Author's Notes: Written for
reel_torchwood . Most dialogue taken from the film The Mummy (1999) but with a Torchwood flare. Most likely a bit of a crack fic so enter with an open mind-
Chapter 2
Owen Harper may have been a bit of a fraud as an archaeologist and a complete armature where Egyptology was concerned, but where people like his friend Ianto Jones excelled in knowledge, Owen had resources. As often as his drinking was criticized, he was also one of the chosen few privy to certain information, slipped off the careless mouths of the locals. Like he happened to know where Jack Harkness was being held at that moment.
Cairo prison, the most dreadful place one could think of. And in a city noted for dreadful places, that was really saying something.
The warden, Gad Hassan was a first rate scumbag. A thickset, greasy man with beady black eyes and a thick five o'clock shadow. His cream colored suit was stained with food, sweat and what suspiciously looked a bit like blood. He escorted Ianto and Owen across a small courtyard filled with pens from which moans of agony and horrifying smells emanated.
Owen thought quite possibly it was the smell causing the moans. He felt like moaning himself.
Warden Hassan ushered them forward, "Come, come, step over the threshold and welcome to Cairo prison, my humble home."
"Charming," Ianto's sarcasm was faint, but still very much there. He'd been irritated, even accusatory when he learned the truth about the puzzle box. Owen broke down; explaining he'd lifted the box from an unconscious Harkness, who had been involved in a drunken brawl. The other man had been arrested and Owen had swiped the golden treasure before anyone could notice.
Ianto was still steamed, "I can't believe you lied to me. You told me you found it on a dig down in Thebes!"
Owen shrugged, it wasn't as if it were the first lie he ever told. "I lie to everybody, what makes you so special?"
Ianto shook his head, "You stole it from a drunk at the local Casbah?! What were you thinking?"
The idea seemed less and less amusing as Owen realized they were in a prison; he really didn't need Ianto announcing his crimes to the world. "Keep your voice down will you?" he hissed.
Warden Hassan ushered them toward a barred cage that looked more like it belonged in a zoo. The heavily barred pen was attached to the prison wall, a meeting place for the prisoners.
Ianto observed the cage grimly, repressing a shiver.
Warden Hassan's eyes gleamed at his reaction, "You're one of those delicate types, aren't you?"
"Did you inform Mr. Harkness we'd like a word with him?" Ianto asked, avoiding the leering look in the filthy man's gaze.
At the words, the interior cell door burst open. A tall man in chains was pulled forward, held closely by four guards. He was filthy, face half hidden by grime and muck and an assortment of ugly purple bruises, Jack Harkness was barely recognizable.
"Ah," Warden Hassan said. "Here's your friend now."
The guards hurled the man against the bars, but even as he hit the steel with a nasty clang, Jack showed no pain.
"Is that necessary?" Owen asked.
"This man is a deserter, your friend," Warden Hassan beamed.
Ianto looked Jack over and turned to Owen, "Is this him? The one you stole it from?"
Owen laughed nervously, glancing at the warden, "My friend and his sense of humor," He patted Ianto's arm absently. "Yes, this is the man who sold it to me."
Jack wedged his face between the bars and frowned, "Sold what to you?"
Owen cleared his throat and grinned nervously at Warden Hassan, "Is it possible for us to have a few moments alone with our friend."
"Friend?" Jack's brow rose.
A pound note was shoved into Warden Hassan's greasy palm as Owen shook his hand, "Five minutes. Please." he hissed.
"But of course," Warden Hassan's eyes gleamed at the money. He bowed, "I shall return."
"I tremble with anticipation," Jack replied sarcastically.
A club slammed the back of Jack's head; his face hit the metal bars with a solid thunk that was sure to bruise. He glared at the guard behind him nastily, but still showed no inclination of pain.
"Unwise, most unwise," Warden Hassan tittered as he walked away.
Owen watched him leave and addressed Jack, "Might not want to get on his bad side-"
"Where have I seen you before?" Jack asked, cutting him off.
"I'm just-a-" Owen fumbled, "A local missionary, spreading the good word."
"Good Lord, Owen. Stop it."
At the voice, a voice Jack found he rather enjoyed, he gave Ianto the once over. He licked his lips, from dehydration or something else.
"Fills out a suit nicely, don't he?" Jack addressed Owen, instead of Ianto directly. His voice was like sandpaper from disuse.
Owen raised a brow; he observed Ianto himself and decided, "Couldn't really say one way or another." A bloke in a suit was a bloke in a suit.
Ianto frowned at them both, but spoke to Jack, "I'll have you know, that's harassment sir."
Jack smirked, "And so what if it is? You got a name gorgeous?"
Ianto tried not to cringe, "Jones, Ianto Jones and this is my-," he faltered a moment, "associate Owen Harper."
"Associate?" Jack ventured with a leer. "Is that what they call it these days?"
"And you're Jack Harkness, right?" Owen asked, not liking his insinuation.
"Captain," Jack corrected him, "don't forget the Captain." His face was striped with the shadows of the prison bars, "Until I heard your accents, though lovely, I was sort of hoping you were the American Embassy."
"Sorry no." Ianto took a step forward, "We came to ask you about your puzzle box."
"My what?"
"Your puzzle box. The gold little knickknack with eight-sides? My friend sort of- found your box-"
"That's right. Now I remember." Jack's fist flew through the bars and hit Owen square in the jaw. Owen hit the floor in an undignified heap, down but not quite unconscious. "Found? You stole it from me," Jack spat. Another Guard clubbed Jack a third time. His head hit the bars again. He ground his teeth and gave the guard another nasty look.
"Anyway," Ianto continued, as if nothing had happened. "We have your puzzle box-"
Jack's dark brow rose. "I just decked your friend," he pointed out.
"Yes, well-" Ianto shrugged, "it happens surprisingly more often than you'd think."
Jack's mouth lifted. He thought he might like this tall, decidedly pretty Ianto Jones. Especially the way he bit his bowed lips as he observed Jack.
"We've come to ask you about the box."
"No."
Ianto frowned, "No?"
"No, Mr. Jones, Ianto Jones-you," Jack pointed at him, "came to ask me about Hamanaptra." White teeth flashed in the unshaven, tanned face
Owen, finally getting back to his feet and brushing himself off, said, "Keep your voice down! The bloody walls have ears you know."
Ianto looked at Jack, "How do you know about Hamanaptra?"
"Because that's where I found it." Jack answered simply. "I was there."
Ianto blinked, "You were there?"
"Yeah, and if a caravan of diggers hadn't found me, I wouldn't be here to tell you about it."
Owen's jaw was still throbbing as he snapped, "How do we know that not just a load of shite."
"How about you come a little closer to the bars and say that-"
Owen took a step back, "Not bloody likely, mate."
Ianto was too entranced by the idea to care about taking a step closer to the prisoner. He asked, "You were there, at Hamanaptra?"
Jack flashed him a grin, "Sure as hell was. Seti's place. The City of the Dead."
"You swear?"
Jack laughed, "Every goddamn day."
Ianto rolled his eyes. "You're quite clever, aren't you?" he bit sarcastically.
"And you're a bit of a stiff," Jack countered with a sneer. "Couple of days with me could change that."
Ianto lifted his chin, "You're hardly in any position to make remarks like that, sir. This is strictly business."
"Is it now?" Jack could hardly suppress another grin.
Ianto persisted, "What did you find? What did you see?"
"I found sand. I saw death. They aren't kidding when they say that place is cursed."
Ianto scoffed. "My interest is strictly for research. My friend and I are Egyptologists."
Jack's mouth twisted, "Well then I bet you'd really like to get there wouldn't you. To Hamanaptra I mean."
"Will you two keep your voices down?" Owen snapped.
Ianto leaned closer. So close Jack could see the true blue color of his gorgeous eyes as he asked, "Could you tell me how to get there?
"Better than that, I'll take you there."
"But Mr. Harkness you're rather," Ianto motioned to the cell, "indisposed at the moment."
Jack smirked, "I suppose I am."
"Couldn't you just tell us how to get there? Give us the exact location?"
"Have you opened the box?"
"Well-yes, yes we have."
Jack's brow crinkled in confusion, "Then you should already have the map."
Ianto looked to Owen who shrugged a bit sheepishly, "A bit of a mishap, that. The part we need was sort of kind of, well it's sort of-gone."
Jack rolled his eyes, but Ianto pointed out, "You've been there. You can tell us the way,"
Jack nodded, "I'll take you there."
"But how?"
"Well you might want to start by-I don't know, maybe by-"
Ianto leaned right up to the bars, nervous, yet too excited to move away, "Yes?"
Jack licked his lips again. Without thinking, he leaned forward and kissed Ianto full on the lips. Because really, with lips that pretty, the man was all but asking for it.
Something flashed at the quick yet fierce touch. It was like a clash of lightening and it shocked Jack, sending a jolt up his spine. He saw an image that he couldn't decipher, like a window covered in fog. Then the fog seemed to lift and it all came flying back. His eyes shot open and he could see the look of shock on Ianto's face too. Though it seemed to be the kiss itself that appalled the younger man and not the flash of everything Jack had just seen-
The truth hit Jack like a slap and he physically gasped as he took it all in.
Torchwood, Ianto Jones, Owen Harper, they were-this was definitely all wrong.
Jack expected the next blow and didn't even dodge it when they clubbed him again. His face bounced off the bars again, but he didn't even feel it. He was going to say get me the hell out of here, but as he met Ianto's eyes he hissed, "Ianto, it's me, it's Jack it's-."
Ianto flew away from him, no ounce of recognition, only shock and surprise, "You're mad!"
"No, Ianto it's-" Jack was yanked away from the bars and dragged forcibly out of the room.
Ianto followed the guards and Jack with his eyes as far as he could. The struggling man continued yelling his name. Ianto shuddered at the wild look in his eyes. The man was obviously off his trolley. "Are they going to beat him?"
Warden Hassan was back at his side, "Oh no Mr. Jones," he said pleasantly. "They'll be no time for that."
"No time? What do you mean?"
"He's about to be hanged."
"Hanged?"
"He's a deserter for the foreign Legion, as I said. That's very much a hangable offense. We have a standing agreement, you see. For fifty pounds we waive the Legion the trouble of extradition and simply deal with the deserters ourselves."
"With no trial?" Ianto asked.
Warden Hassan laughed as if Ianto had said something funny, "Trial? Your humor is most amusing Mr. Jones, but I'm afraid that my presence is required-a formality I fear, but I am a stickler for doing things right."
"Let me come with you," Ianto demanded.
"Oh bloody hell, Jones. Why?" Owen raised his arms with a groan.
Warden Hassan observed him and finally shrugged, "So be it. Have you ever witnessed a hanging before, Mr. Jones?"
Ianto shook his head.
Hassan's green teeth gleamed, "Then you're in for quite a treat."
***
Owen, Ianto and the warden stepped on the balcony overlooking another courtyard, where behind the barred windows hundreds of filthy prisoners could look down at the gallows that had been erected. The gallows were open to all the onlookers, where they could openly mock and badger the person to be hanged.
Jack was led up onto the gallows by the same guards who'd manhandled him before and positioned on the trap door. A hangman in a black mask draped the noose around Jack's neck, and then cinched it tight. Jack noticed Ianto and Owen in the balcony.
Watching the whole scene with a feeling of trepidation, Ianto knew he couldn't let Jack Harness, possibly his only lead at finding Hamanaptra die, even if he was a lecherous looking criminal who'd gone mental during his imprisonment.
Ianto took a seat beside the Warden, ignoring the feeling of Jack's eyes on him. His lips still burned and he swore he'd blush if he thought on the kiss too long. And the way the man had screamed his name afterwards-
"I will give you one hundred pounds to spare his life. That's twice as much as the Legion's paying you."
Owen could barely believe his ears, what was Ianto doing? Wasting a hundred pounds on this lout-
Warden Hassan's nose twitched and he swatted away a fly. "I would pay one hundred pounds just to see him hang."
"Two then," Ianto tried again.
"Two hundred pounds?" Owen exclaimed, "Ianto, you can't be-"
Ianto nodded curtly, "Two hundred pounds."
Warden Hassan shook his head dismissively and raised a hand. "Proceed!" he called to the hangman.
Ianto countered, feeling a bit desperate, "Three hundred pounds!"
Owen clutched at Ianto's shoulder, "Are you daft, man?"
Ianto stared daggers at him and whispered one word so only Owen could hear, "Hamanaptra."
Warden Hassan didn't even reply to Ianto's offer.
Jack watched the exchange with a mixture of hope and fear. This was insane; he was trying to piece it together, what the hell was going on and what they were doing here? He had no answer for either and now he was going to die. Again.
The Hangman turned to him and Jack reeled from the stench of his breath as he laughed, "Any last requests, pig?"
"Yeah, I'd like ya to let me go," Jack tried on a whim.
The hangman, obviously not a very bright sort, looked confused for a moment. He yelled the request in Arabic to the warden.
Warden Hassan called back, suddenly angry, "Of course he can't go you fool, get on with it!"
Embarrassed, the hangman gave Jack an angry glare. Jack's eyes widened as he grabbed the lever to the trapdoor. Come on Ianto, he mentally pleaded.
"Five hundred pounds!" Ianto exclaimed.
Owen covered his face with his hands and groaned.
Warden Hassan's eyes shined and he leered, putting a hand on the other man's knee. "And what else?" He ventured, suggestively. "I'm a very lonely man-"
Ianto shoved the hand away in revulsion. Did no one believe in personal space anymore? "Nothing else."
Warden Hassan's pride was wounded and the rude, crude laughter from the observing prisoners who'd seen the exchange filled the area all around them. The warden turned, both insulted and angry, and he gestured to the Hangman. Ianto's heart dropped as the man's meaty hand pulled the lever, a giant grin on his ugly face.
Ianto reached out as if to stop him, but it was too late.
The trapdoor dropped away.
Ianto couldn't stop his scream. "NO!"
Jack dropped through the hole. The rope pulled taut and Jack's body snapped. Yet surprisingly, he didn't die.
"Ah." Warden Hassan laughed and pointed for Ianto to see, "His neck did not break! Good! Now we watch him strangle to death."
Jack struggled and the roars of screaming and shouting from the watching prisoners filled the area. The guards looked around at the raised voices, nervously.
Ianto watched the man struggle, utterly horrified. Beside him Owen, gasped, looking a bit pale as he too watched on. "Bloody hell," he murmured.
Ianto quickly turned to the warden, and whispered in his ear. "He knows the location to Hamanaptra."
Warden Hassan spun on him, "You lie," he accused.
"I'm not," Ianto insisted.
Jack continued to choke, turning red and unable to breathe.
Warden Hassan stared back at Ianto, "Are you saying this filthy godless son of a pig knows where to find The City of The Dead? Truly?"
"Yes and if you cut him down, we will give you ten percent."
"Fifty percent," Warden Hassan countered.
"Twenty."
"Forty."
Ianto bit his lip as he hesitated.
Jack tried to scream at him, "Give-give him-give him GLAAAA-!" He couldn't finish.
"Twenty five," Warden Hassan said.
"Done!" Ianto said and shook hands before the man could realize he'd just lowered his half.
Warden Hassan didn't seem to notice. He flashed a crooked smile and yelled something in Arabic.
A scimitar slashed through the air, slicing the rope in one swipe. Jack crashed to the ground with a heavy thump. He rolled over, gagging and choking for breath. Cheering filled the air, but Jack was in too much agony to hear it. He massaged his neck and looked at Ianto, who gave a slight smile and a shrug.
Good god they were stuck in the 1920's and Ianto and Owen didn't know who he was. They were apparently chasing a treasure map to a City of the Dead, a city he'd apparently been to and Jack had no damn clue what the hell was going on. Then of course there was John Hart, who'd been with him in the battle in the desert.
To coin a phrase most often used by one Miss Gwen Cooper, Bloody Torchwood.
***
Chapter 3