when you're close to almost having half a foot, it becomes a major problem.

[hopelesscupcake]

i don't know how long i've been staring at this blank screen wondering what to write.

i feel bad. i feel really fucked up in the head. i never thought that this is what i would want out of the friendship i cherish so much. i don't want this. i hate the way i feel whenever i'm around you. i hate the awkward glances. i hate feeling you stare at me. why does it always come down to this? and it hurts thinking that the friendship that means so much to me means hardly anything to you. and now i'm left awake late at night tossing and turning in my bed wondering how i could stop this. this little problem has dug a hole into the back of my head and throbs constantly.

i feel invisible.

i don't like who i am anymore.

i want a new face.

i don't want to be plain, average kelli anymore.

i want to be different.

i'm tired of looking the way i do.

i'm tired of feeling the way i do.

i want to be something else.

i want a transformation.