a new leaf? surly not eh?
so latly ive been thinking about alot of things and one of the biggest questions that have come to mind is something that has to do with love. If every movie tv show song book etc. show love if every thing that was associated with love wasnt showen to us, would we still feel love? Is love just something mass produced by the media that we buy into? In the 17th 18th hell the beginning of time love wasnt ever adressed marriges were pre-arannaged and theres no record of true love, did we make it up? what is love? whats that feeling? the butterflies in the stomach when you kiss the feeling of needing someone wanting someone? what is it. All if the feelings we say love is has been proven to be a chemical reaction so what is love? we made it up? surly not such a universal feeling isnt made up? So i ask you this: if love is what we make up then the feeling the need for it the want for it ultimatly is in our heads its made up its a chemical inbalence we feel, a chemical imbalence that is caused by an emotional wound usally. Am i wrong? or just rambling? Did we really make up the idea of love and if we never heard of it would we still feel it as deeply as we do?
moving on.... ive been feeling exactly like this latly:
I try but I can't seem to get myself
to think of anything ... but you.
Your breath on my face ... your warm gentle kiss I taste,
The truth ... I taste the truth,
We know what I came here for,
I won't ask for more.
I wanna be with you,
If only for a night,
To be the one who's in your arms,
To hold you tight.
I wanna be with you,
There's nothing more to say,
There's nothing else I want more
than to feel this way.
this entry is turning out to be way longer than intended but i just have all these things running thru my head and its driving me isane i cant turn it off. I cant help but question everything ive ever felt about andrew everything ive done. I miss him i miss him more than ive ever missed anyone or anything and its incredibly hard to wake up in the morning knowing i no longer have him in my life. Im not a fool and im not going to lie and say im not hurt i dont feel compleatly betrayed and devestated, because i do. However there is a big diffrence in feeling betrayed and regreting something. I do not regret andrew and the things that happened in our relationship. I would have liked to change somethings but i do not regret him or the time i spent with him. I loved every second i spent with that man. I loved him and wether or not that is just a chemical imbalence of a real feeling i love him, there is not single person that knows me that can tell me i dont. I take comfort in the fact that i did love him. that i gave him everything i had, its weird i should feel like i want to take it all back but i dont. Being with andrew allowed me to be compleatly and totally me, the good and the bad i opened my life up to a lot of diffrent things some good and some bad ive learned things about myself. Ive learned that i am so much stronger then i ever thought i was and quite frankly ive learned that i dont need alot of the people that i relied on for my gasps of air. being on my own even if it was just for a month ive learned so much about myself and gained respect for so much more. I now know that i am an incredible person that if i want to do something i can do it that i have incredable potental that im capible of extrodinary things regaurdless of wiether or not i have anyone fighting for me. I truly am amazing this may sound cocky and i know you have no idea how i was able to learn any of this i dont care. I just wanted to tell the world that i am going to be ok. With or without him, i will make great things happen, i could own the world if i wanted to. Simply becuase i will always suceed is grasping what i truly want in life.
moving on.... ive been feeling exactly like this latly:
I try but I can't seem to get myself
to think of anything ... but you.
Your breath on my face ... your warm gentle kiss I taste,
The truth ... I taste the truth,
We know what I came here for,
I won't ask for more.
I wanna be with you,
If only for a night,
To be the one who's in your arms,
To hold you tight.
I wanna be with you,
There's nothing more to say,
There's nothing else I want more
than to feel this way.
this entry is turning out to be way longer than intended but i just have all these things running thru my head and its driving me isane i cant turn it off. I cant help but question everything ive ever felt about andrew everything ive done. I miss him i miss him more than ive ever missed anyone or anything and its incredibly hard to wake up in the morning knowing i no longer have him in my life. Im not a fool and im not going to lie and say im not hurt i dont feel compleatly betrayed and devestated, because i do. However there is a big diffrence in feeling betrayed and regreting something. I do not regret andrew and the things that happened in our relationship. I would have liked to change somethings but i do not regret him or the time i spent with him. I loved every second i spent with that man. I loved him and wether or not that is just a chemical imbalence of a real feeling i love him, there is not single person that knows me that can tell me i dont. I take comfort in the fact that i did love him. that i gave him everything i had, its weird i should feel like i want to take it all back but i dont. Being with andrew allowed me to be compleatly and totally me, the good and the bad i opened my life up to a lot of diffrent things some good and some bad ive learned things about myself. Ive learned that i am so much stronger then i ever thought i was and quite frankly ive learned that i dont need alot of the people that i relied on for my gasps of air. being on my own even if it was just for a month ive learned so much about myself and gained respect for so much more. I now know that i am an incredible person that if i want to do something i can do it that i have incredable potental that im capible of extrodinary things regaurdless of wiether or not i have anyone fighting for me. I truly am amazing this may sound cocky and i know you have no idea how i was able to learn any of this i dont care. I just wanted to tell the world that i am going to be ok. With or without him, i will make great things happen, i could own the world if i wanted to. Simply becuase i will always suceed is grasping what i truly want in life.