finally came up with a new topic....
question... if you were teminally ill, with no set time left to live, but let's say it was no more than 1-2 years, who, if anyone, would you tell? to what range would you go (i.e. family, friends, strangers)? why have you chosen the people you would tell? and how would your life change, if at all? me, i dont know. i know if i told people they would be more prone to spend time with me, but i wouldnt help but feel as if it were pity. i think that it would be better if i just tried to hang out as much as possible, then when i go, they might realize how important time is and wouldnt waste it on trivial things. it seems that my death, used to teach a lesson has come up alot recently. i would hope that when i die, you do not mourn, but grasp your own lives instead. it took me far to long to realize the things that i should be focusing on instead of filling my time workking for things i didnt need. things that could be "lost in a fire" so to speak. instead, focus on the things that make you happy, and no, money is not one of those things, look at what you do with it, look at the root of what is going on. for me, it was making money and i spent most of it going out to eat with jose, shooting pool with matt, watching movies and stuff with tom. all i could see was the cost of what it took to do these things. not what i was actaully doing, which was spending time with my friends. life takes a funny thing when you lose things. it took me working 4 jobs at one time with nothing to show for it to learn that lesson, and i lost a lot of things along the way due to not having learned it sooner. but anyway, now that ive gotten so far off track... who would i tell? my family, thats a given. id make trips to spend time with them. they are the people who raised me, and even though my arrival was a surprise, my demise should not be. they dont deserve that. as for my friends, i dont know. i would desperately want to, but i dont think i could. id be afraid that whoever i told would just tell everyone else. im sure however, that they will figure it out when i get worse from what i have. it cant be hard to see something is wrong when i have to spend days at a time in the hospital. but i think i would deny it as long as i could. then, i would write each of my close friends a letter, explaining why i havent told them about my illness. i would also tell them everything that i have always wanted to tell them, but never took the time to say. although, knowing you are going to die might be qualified as a life changing experience and i would more than likely tell them between the time i found out myself and the time i die. my deepest reserves for them would be revealed. but nothing bad. why do that to them as well. when in this situation, you only have constructive critisism anyway. no point being negative, things are going to get rough enough for them as it is. strangers i might tell, if i thought that i could get an interesting conversation out of them. its hard sometimes to find such beautiful insight, but everyone has something to offer. you might find that when you talk to someone you dont know, you can extract some of the deepest feelings that you have, this is because a person that you have to attachment to can tell you exactly what they feel without haveing to reserve anything due to factors such as "what will he think of me" and "what if i see this guy again?". those things dont matter if you arent going to be around much longer, plus people have been through some interesting events, that gives people even more interesting perspectives on life. at first, accepting the fact that your life will be seemingly cut short is a hard pill to swallow, but as time progresses, you find that you get your priorities straight fairly quickly (imagine that). but in the end, everything will be explained, all the people around will find closure (as best as i can give it) and if anything that i hope for comes to be, people will learn a lesson. take what you can from something like this, learn from every experience and dont give in to the grind, make it work for you. give love a chance, give friends your loyalty, give your enemies respect (trust me), and give those who do wrong and repent from it forgiveness. dont pass up on a conversation, dont forget where you came from. the world is a smaller place than you think, dont burn bridges, you will have to cross most of them again at some point. dont let jealosy and anger cloud your judgement. being hurt is a lesson in itself, the best thing you can do is pray about it and let God handle the hard parts. just because we live by the golden rule, doesnt mean that you have to do to others as they have done to you, dont get it twisted, that isnt the same thing. apologize when you are wrong, always tell someone how you feel, never neglect your own mind, and when you falter, remember that we cant walk a straight path all the time and we cant stay upright the entire time either. i love you all, some more than others ::wink:: but you have all been in this life of mine, and that makes you significant. and, in the future, if you get a letter from me, dont think about what has come to be, but think about what opportunities you have before you to change what you feel isnt right, and correct possible mistakes that are in progress. sweet dreams, there we are all free.