oh dear...
ugh, i just can't take this anymore. i know that i don't have it as bad off as most people, but i'm still not happy. i know i won't ever be fully and completely happy, but for what i've gone through and my therapy and my friends i'm still not where i wanna be. i'm thinking that that's mostly my own fault though. to be honest, i'm scared to get better. i'm afraid to leave the dark place behind. i'm still holding onto it. barely, but i've still got it. and i can pull myself back into it at a moment's notice if needed. and that's the most comforting thing i've heard in weeks, months even. and i shouldn't be saying that.
today i watched Thirteen, the greatest movie on the planet, and everyone else looked away when she cut herself, but i watched it and i found comfort in it. i knew how she felt when that release and releif came. i want to feel that again. i REALLY want to feel that again. and i know this is awful to say too, but when sean was talking to me on the phone i had a huge smile on my face. i still really like him. i've only been like this about one other boy in my life, and that was brett. i wasn't even like this with gage. it sorta scares me, but i want it so bad. even though i know it will NEVER EVER happen. i was reading through old posts the other day and i found the one with the poem that i sent to sean about how much i like him and how only one more kiss would let me know...
well, i'll stop boring the world with my pointless shit. nite to all!
today i watched Thirteen, the greatest movie on the planet, and everyone else looked away when she cut herself, but i watched it and i found comfort in it. i knew how she felt when that release and releif came. i want to feel that again. i REALLY want to feel that again. and i know this is awful to say too, but when sean was talking to me on the phone i had a huge smile on my face. i still really like him. i've only been like this about one other boy in my life, and that was brett. i wasn't even like this with gage. it sorta scares me, but i want it so bad. even though i know it will NEVER EVER happen. i was reading through old posts the other day and i found the one with the poem that i sent to sean about how much i like him and how only one more kiss would let me know...
well, i'll stop boring the world with my pointless shit. nite to all!