for you and only you.

[hopeless2301]

Its a hard realization when you know something isn't working. Even if your the one who is going to end it. This sucks. It sucks that I know that nothing will never come of whatever it is I thought we had. I was wrong. Its nothing new. It makes me really upset because I had tons of fun hanging out with you. But let me tell you, your by far the worst liar I've ever met. You don't have to say anything cause I can see through your words, your actions say enough. Some people just can't move on after a relationship, they hold on to it for everything it was worth before, hold on to memories of what they used to be. I guess this is just another step of growing up, I've accepted whats happened, what hasn't happened and what could possibly happen. Everything is okay. The last thing I need to worry about is a relationship with anybody else but my friends and my family. Crushes come,and they go, some stick around a little longer to haunt you like a ghost. Theres always someone you wont forget, she's that ghost to you, you'll never forget her, you wont try, she knows this and she will use this to her advantage, only breaking your heart over and over again. I know this. I can tell. The stories old but it goes on and on. I have a ghost. I'm trying hard to get rid of before I make myself a complete disaster. I'll admit it, you won't, I know how Im feel, I'm very aware of what I can't let go. First loves are hard to get over. Most don't want to get over them. Like I said some hold on to them for as long as they can, to memories of what they used to have. I don't think I've ever been as confused as I am now. My mind is flooded with memories that I have, the ones that Im trying to replace with memories of you, some have begun to stick already, as for the others next year they wont exsist. You'll exist, people are hard to forget when they make in impact on your heart. Sadly through all of this, my trying to forget, forgive and get over, my ghost is still there. It haunts me more now then any other time of the year. Constantly reminding me of how alone I am, and how alone I will always be. Today I walked through the park, I looked up at the trees with no leaves yet and I could of sworn he was still with me, but I was alone. Well with nickee but you know what I mean. All of this, I've just accepted. Im not mad or sad or completely devistated. I think I'll probably still be jealous of certain ones, but I'll soon enough forget them when I replace you with someone new. Its all this big cycle. I dislike it much but in the long run it only makes me a better person, atleast I hope it does. Its going to make me stronger thats for sure. I have to say right now in this moment I am completely happy, happy with my music, my paint brush and the thoughts of the near future. Everything I have to look forward to keeps me going.

you wanted the best, it wasn't me.

this line is becoming over used. I just wonder if I'll ever be the best for someone. If Im ever going to have the same effect on someone as they do on me. Maybe someday...