I posted this on Myspace too, it's a copy post.
Today at the beach was very relaxed, kind of like the times when Kristal and I were younger and went to the beach with our daycare. I'm pathetic though. After such a great day at the beach, and hanging out, I emoed out (even after the seashell with the heart cracked into it).
I was dropped off and had to stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up some clothes that Melanie had for me, and I remembered that I had a book on hold at the other store farther north. So I'm with my sister and we are driving....I had forgotten what was next to Barnes & Noble in Carollwood. Mimi's Cafe. Okay...now I'm weird. I was sad, but my sister was with me so I had to wait to become emoed out. I can't help it, whether I was in on the decision or not (which I was). I'm a third wheel again.
I had alway thought that I wouldn't be one of those girls. I wouldn't pine after someone or sit around fussing about how my boyfriend and I broke up. Maybe I just need to get it out of my system? But here it is. I'm sorry it happened, and I'm sorry that I'm acting this way. I've never been in this position before. And for that matter I don't quite like it.
I spent hours questioning what I could have done differently, and then I thought about how my feelings had gotten me into this position. I mean, I was so anti-relationship. But I guess we all get sucked into this blackhole of relationships and dating.
This is always how it's going to be though. I'll find someone I like and be in a good place and then WHAM. My family, mainly my sister. They will always be there. I will always be called upon. Sometimes it's not just my family but my friends. I've been pulled like taffy, and it'll never be enough. I had never realized where my life had gone. And getting my haircut didn't help but for a few hours.
I give up though. No matter how hard I try there will always be someone or something that will get me held back or away from what I really want to be doing or who I really want to be with. Everyone's problems always seem to be greater than my own, and I don't have any fight left in me. What kind of life am I and will I be living? Is this the end of my rainbow?
Thank you Ari for offering to come over at 2 in the morning.
This is the shell I found today.
I was dropped off and had to stop by Barnes and Noble to pick up some clothes that Melanie had for me, and I remembered that I had a book on hold at the other store farther north. So I'm with my sister and we are driving....I had forgotten what was next to Barnes & Noble in Carollwood. Mimi's Cafe. Okay...now I'm weird. I was sad, but my sister was with me so I had to wait to become emoed out. I can't help it, whether I was in on the decision or not (which I was). I'm a third wheel again.
I had alway thought that I wouldn't be one of those girls. I wouldn't pine after someone or sit around fussing about how my boyfriend and I broke up. Maybe I just need to get it out of my system? But here it is. I'm sorry it happened, and I'm sorry that I'm acting this way. I've never been in this position before. And for that matter I don't quite like it.
I spent hours questioning what I could have done differently, and then I thought about how my feelings had gotten me into this position. I mean, I was so anti-relationship. But I guess we all get sucked into this blackhole of relationships and dating.
This is always how it's going to be though. I'll find someone I like and be in a good place and then WHAM. My family, mainly my sister. They will always be there. I will always be called upon. Sometimes it's not just my family but my friends. I've been pulled like taffy, and it'll never be enough. I had never realized where my life had gone. And getting my haircut didn't help but for a few hours.
I give up though. No matter how hard I try there will always be someone or something that will get me held back or away from what I really want to be doing or who I really want to be with. Everyone's problems always seem to be greater than my own, and I don't have any fight left in me. What kind of life am I and will I be living? Is this the end of my rainbow?
Thank you Ari for offering to come over at 2 in the morning.
This is the shell I found today.