I don't even know if anyone will read this...
I haven't written here in so long.... strange feeling to come back. I read over a few entries and it's like I've been reminded of my spirit.
I have spirit.
I have life within me.
The past few days have been incredibly strange. I've never felt more misunderstood in my life. How can one indivdiual have such an effect on me??? One person who has only known me for like 2 or 3 months seems to cut through all I know. I don't know if that's a good thing. I get this feeling like I'm living my life wrong when I hang out with this guy. It's like my whole existence has meant nothing... I feel boring, uneventful, uncaring and worst of all... I feel wrong wrong WRONG. I take a deep breath of relief it comforts me that he will never read this... it comforts me that he doesn't know all about me... it comforts me that he may never know these feelings of doubt exist within me.
Alcohol makes me act so stupid. On bad days - the alcohol exacerbates all my insercurities... it doesn't relax me, it just makes me worry faster. Hence why I'm staying away from getting "wasted" for awhile. I'm far too emotional and too screwed up about things to drink now. So much has happened... that night, that horrible night... Megan leaving for college... and me hiding from my feelings and just trying to make my emotions go away. I need to face it all. And I will.
I am.
Crap. Time for a movie.
I have spirit.
I have life within me.
The past few days have been incredibly strange. I've never felt more misunderstood in my life. How can one indivdiual have such an effect on me??? One person who has only known me for like 2 or 3 months seems to cut through all I know. I don't know if that's a good thing. I get this feeling like I'm living my life wrong when I hang out with this guy. It's like my whole existence has meant nothing... I feel boring, uneventful, uncaring and worst of all... I feel wrong wrong WRONG. I take a deep breath of relief it comforts me that he will never read this... it comforts me that he doesn't know all about me... it comforts me that he may never know these feelings of doubt exist within me.
Alcohol makes me act so stupid. On bad days - the alcohol exacerbates all my insercurities... it doesn't relax me, it just makes me worry faster. Hence why I'm staying away from getting "wasted" for awhile. I'm far too emotional and too screwed up about things to drink now. So much has happened... that night, that horrible night... Megan leaving for college... and me hiding from my feelings and just trying to make my emotions go away. I need to face it all. And I will.
I am.
Crap. Time for a movie.