(no subject)
i feel like i intentionally dug myself in a HUGE, never-ending hole.
and the whole time i KNEW it was happening, but i had no way to control it. i just watched it happen, like a movie... like a play.
i was so not involved in my own decision making, i became an audience in my own body. allowing the idea of 'being john malcovich' and let the others inside my head take over for a while. and they fucked me over, and i let it happen.
my dad just let me know that my medication is killing my drive, making me lazy and making me completely care-free... more like careless. i have been controlled by these medications. puppet-ized. and now, now that my dad is back in my life to tell me it might not be because i am a horrible person with no feelings what-so-ever. now @ least i can go back to being human, to being my old, care-ing self.
what's my problem?
how can i possibly make it any better?
now it seems irreversible.
but time heals most wounds right, so now the question is, how long must i wait?
well,wish me luck, fixing this shit.
i will most definitely need it.
and the whole time i KNEW it was happening, but i had no way to control it. i just watched it happen, like a movie... like a play.
i was so not involved in my own decision making, i became an audience in my own body. allowing the idea of 'being john malcovich' and let the others inside my head take over for a while. and they fucked me over, and i let it happen.
my dad just let me know that my medication is killing my drive, making me lazy and making me completely care-free... more like careless. i have been controlled by these medications. puppet-ized. and now, now that my dad is back in my life to tell me it might not be because i am a horrible person with no feelings what-so-ever. now @ least i can go back to being human, to being my old, care-ing self.
what's my problem?
how can i possibly make it any better?
now it seems irreversible.
but time heals most wounds right, so now the question is, how long must i wait?
well,wish me luck, fixing this shit.
i will most definitely need it.