(no subject)
I wanna come home. I'm so homesick and depressed but no one notices it. I don't show my feelings and thats why. I feel invisible to everyone that i'm around. I smile as though i'm happy but deep inside i'm crying like i haven't done in a long time. I don't know if it's just this month or what but i haven't been this depressed since my mom died. I can't even count how many times i've cried myself to sleep at night. When people at home ask me how's college life, i lie to them and say i'm having the time of my life but i'm not. I feel like i'm dying and i can't help it. I didn't know that it was going to be this hard and i don't really want to talk to anyone about it just because i keep my feelings all bottled up. Things don't seem to be going how i imagined them going. I keep writing about how depress i am and how i want to go home and it's so true. I find myself not talking when i'm around my friends here. I feel like an outsider and that i don't fit in. I'm really considering moving back home after this semester. I think i would be better off that way and that it would be better financially for me. I'm really not sure if this is the place for me. I'm not sure of anything. I've lost all confidence in myself and everything that i do. I have no where to go and just think. I can't take a drive to my special place where everything seems to be good and where i figure everything out. I don't have that here. I miss home so much. It seems like my missing home comes more at night than during the day. Maybe it's because i'm not really that busy at night so i find myself thinking more then. I need someone to tell me what to do or even to give me advice. I really need a mother. I was far too young for her to leave me. I need her so much in my life. I need her. I need help!