I give up
Before I say anything I want to make it clear to all that the stupid quiz in the previous entry is wrong; I missed bolder a few things. And I hope everyone knows that I would indeed die for my best friends. And no...not because I'm that depressed but because I'd give up everything to help someone. Especially those that have already given so much up for me.
Anyway I give up...
I'm so frustarted. I went to the food store with my parents today just to get out of the house and I was angry. I was angry at all the people who were just going about there lives and they were smiling and laughing. I don't understand why I have such a hard time just getting out of bed? I want to laugh and smile because things are funny. I want to cry when there is a reason to cry!!! I don't want to cry like this! I don't want to die!!!!
Rob told me the other day that all this money and time I'm wasting with doctors and meds is bullshit. I can be helped if I just talk to him. Thats bs in itself and thats why Im not with him. I dont want to hear that nothing is going to help and to quote rob "in another few months you'll just go SPLAT again"... I feel that way and I'm doing everything to tell myself its going to be different this time. I'm so angry...I havent felt this way in about two years. I really thought I was "cured". I wasnt on meds for a long time I didnt need a counsler. There was no doubt to anyone that my happiness was nothing but pureness. And now for the most part, everything's just a joke.
Everythings changing...I know I need to make the most of my days at Wagner. theres not many left. A new school, new major....the next year brings alot of changes and all so I hope one of these days I'm gonna wake up and be able to get myself out of bed, and live my life. For now...I'm happy to make it through hour by hour.
I dont wanna write anymore, its just making me depressed. GRRRRR...i have so many tests next week, it's going to be horrible and then I have a college open house at StonyBrook..o geez....is it friday yet???
I'm going to bed....O wait I have to mother fucking study!!!!!!!!!