Should have never opened that box...
So, I was packing up my apartment for this weekend. I'll be moving out of the city so I can start saving and get ahead. It's a smart move. I just have to keep telling me this.
I have pretty much packed everything in my apartment. I haven't really thrown anything out as I'm in a rush to get out of my place. That will come when I unpack and really analyze what I really need and what I don't need. It's going to take a while, but it will be good. I was going through boxes and I came up with a box that was opened a while ago, but then placed in the depths of one of the closets in my bedroom. I pulled it out and I knew instantly what it contained. I just held the box and stared at the lid for a long time feeling the warmth of my hands be absorbed into the cardboard. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I started to shake and laid the box on my bed. I leaned against the bed and I opened the lid...
There it was. My past laying right in front of me. Pictures, letters, notes, cards, and books that I bought to try to smooth the whole religion issue that seemed to be one of the bumps that Rob and I hit during our relationship. There were his hand-written notes with words that I once read and re-read while feeling so much love. Now, they caused me pain and the wounds seemed to break open again.
Maybe I'm not over him, or maybe I am but the past still hurts. Maybe I've been in so much denial that I've kidded myself so much that I started to believed that I was over him. I can't tell right now. Re-reading the cards he gave me took me back to the good memories that I still have locked inside of me. Why did I even open that box?
Of course, I started to cry...and as I looked at pictures it just made me want to have a relationship that Rob and I had before things went downhill. What happened between the two of us? What could I have done differently so we didn't end so badly? Why did it hurt to hear that he was dating someone else while I remain single?
I know that "when the right person comes, you'll know." or "You can do better." Yes, those cliche phrases are true. Yes, they are said to make the person feel better about themselves while not putting down the other person. However, those phrases also seem to sear into me the fact that I'm still single, that while even though I love my independence, I still want that special someone to share those moments with me.
*SIGH*
I have pretty much packed everything in my apartment. I haven't really thrown anything out as I'm in a rush to get out of my place. That will come when I unpack and really analyze what I really need and what I don't need. It's going to take a while, but it will be good. I was going through boxes and I came up with a box that was opened a while ago, but then placed in the depths of one of the closets in my bedroom. I pulled it out and I knew instantly what it contained. I just held the box and stared at the lid for a long time feeling the warmth of my hands be absorbed into the cardboard. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I started to shake and laid the box on my bed. I leaned against the bed and I opened the lid...
There it was. My past laying right in front of me. Pictures, letters, notes, cards, and books that I bought to try to smooth the whole religion issue that seemed to be one of the bumps that Rob and I hit during our relationship. There were his hand-written notes with words that I once read and re-read while feeling so much love. Now, they caused me pain and the wounds seemed to break open again.
Maybe I'm not over him, or maybe I am but the past still hurts. Maybe I've been in so much denial that I've kidded myself so much that I started to believed that I was over him. I can't tell right now. Re-reading the cards he gave me took me back to the good memories that I still have locked inside of me. Why did I even open that box?
Of course, I started to cry...and as I looked at pictures it just made me want to have a relationship that Rob and I had before things went downhill. What happened between the two of us? What could I have done differently so we didn't end so badly? Why did it hurt to hear that he was dating someone else while I remain single?
I know that "when the right person comes, you'll know." or "You can do better." Yes, those cliche phrases are true. Yes, they are said to make the person feel better about themselves while not putting down the other person. However, those phrases also seem to sear into me the fact that I'm still single, that while even though I love my independence, I still want that special someone to share those moments with me.
*SIGH*