i accept chaos. im not sure whether it accepts me.

[hopeb0undheart]

just got off the phone with my brother. hes not doing so well. i feel terrible for him. when i got off the phone i just sat here and cried. i wish there was something that i could tell him to make him feel better but its so hard when i can barely take the advice myself. we are so much alike its scary. he asked me if i would come out to colorado and live and continue school there too. as much as i would love to i know its not right. dad would never agree to it and wouldnt support me anymore im sure. out of state tuition is crazy. plus i could never leave my family and friends things are starting to get better. i really do want to live in colorado im sure one day i just might make the big move. its so peaceful i would be able to get a job and be happy and be with my brother whom i care so much for. i really hate this feeling of knowing that ive got to get shit done but yet i still procrastinate. but i know ill get it done. i wish i had more passion about something, anything. everything i do is to an extreme its like there is no limit. meh. i dont know. busy busy day today, things to do: 1. write online report for lit class 2. take online quiz for criminal justice 3. study more for psychology 4. go look at the new apartment with nikki and justin- take pictures for dad 5. take child psych exam @1 6. get paycheck 7.drive up to stafford for nicoles wedding. its so weird to know someone who is getting married, its kinda scary. i dont even know what classes to take next semester or where im going to live and people are already thinking about getting married and the future. weird. i dunno.
no more procrastinating gotta get back to my per usual last minute homework scramble.